How do you occupy your time?

[Sowk]

Been separated for about 8 weeks now and live in a small apartment on my own. I’m an introvert and have some work acquaintances but that is about it. All our friends were hers’ and even then we were an isolated couple. I’m at the end of my rope as I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t watch TV and can’t stand being in my apartment so I walk for hours hoping that I can return late enough so I can just go to bed.
What things or activities occupy your time? How do you give yourself a rest from yourself?

[Mess]

For me it's faster horses, younger women, older whiskey and more money.

For you, go down to the local community college and sign up for a few night classes. You'll meet some younger women, you can take them out for drinks, and you might even get a new job with more money. The horses you'll have to figure out for yourself.

[blinkandimgone]

My kids keep me pretty busy most of the time but I usually have projects on the go to keep my hands and mind busy when I get bored. I like to build things, paint (furniture, walls, etc) and right now I'm refinishining my kitchen cabinets. When it gets to hot for that I venture outside and play in the dirt because I love to garden too.

Seeing as you live in an apartment you could look to other sources for activities. You could volunteer somewhere, if you like to garden you could look to a community garden project if there is one around you. If you like to be active you could join a running, walking or biking group for the nicer months and perhaps an indoor gym for the winter? If you prefer something a little less physical maybe a book club or other social clubs - they have them for pretty much everything these days. You could check out meetup.com to see what kinds of groups are in your area.

Eight weeks isn't a very long time, it takes time to adjust and it can be very hard when you find yourself divorcing your friends as well. Being somewhat of an introvert myself (yes....really) I can relate to dreading going out and meeting new people and making new friends. I hate it but I push myself to get out there and talk to people and step outside of my comfort zone. So far it hasn't been terrible and nothing bad has come out of it.

Just last week I struck up a conversation with a lady in the grocery store who was wearing a beautiful necklace she got in Florida. She was a bit older and I helped her get her groceries into the car and we had a nice chat. She told me all about her trip here as she lives in South Carolina but visits florida frequently. I gave her my business card because my mother has a place in florida and I figured the two would hit it off there. Friday morning a delivery guy dropped off a package for me at work and when I opened it, it was a necklace just like the one she wore that I admired at the grocery store and a thank you note for taking the time to chat with "an old biddy" and help her out to her car.

You'd be amazed at what can happen when you open the door, even just a little bit.

[CFIA]

Please give yourself a chance. Lonelyness is something that you have to tame. It may take 6 months for you to accept your loneliness. So be strong, it will come. After that you will be in full control of your destiny - because you, and only you, will decide who will, next, enter in your life, as friend or more. Note that I was patient but it paid up big time. Time is the cure.

[sufferer]

Hii

You are really new and time is a big healer.Do the things that you used to do as a hobby when you were single and she never encouraged/liked that hobby.
In my case I was more lonely when I was with him.Though my two very young kids keep me on toes all the tme but still after their bed time I give myself anhour-two which I consider only my time.I draw cartoos or watch tv or attimes just put my favourite music and enjoy it with a cooler.When I was newly separated and depressed I used to put down all my emotions on a piece of paper.
Put yourself in something constructive and if nothing involve yourself in some volunteer work(good karmas,community help and diverted mind....three in one)
Stay strong and work forward for a better future

[dinkyface]

Learn to play a musical instrument! Practicing is a great meditative activity (i.e. you cannot stew while focusing on breath and fingers and notes and all), and once you get a little bit good, you can hook up with others to play together.
How's your balcony - surely it would be nice to have some plants in pots out there, maybe a little tree even.
Or maybe your kitchen floor needs replacing.
How about salsa dance lessons - there's always a demand for guys...
There's a whole world out there...

[dinkyface]

You'd be amazed at what can happen when you open the door, even just a little bit.

Nice!!! .........

[blinkandimgone]

Learn to play a musical instrument! Practicing is a great meditative activity (i.e. you cannot stew while focusing on breath and fingers and notes and all), and once you get a little bit good, you can hook up with others to play together.
How's your balcony - surely it would be nice to have some plants in pots out there, maybe a little tree even.
Or maybe your kitchen floor needs replacing.
How about salsa dance lessons - there's always a demand for guys...
There's a whole world out there...

THIS^^ definately. I've been dying to go myself but alas, I don't have a partner. My neighbours go and they're always inviting me to go with and insist there are always extra partners available but....I've been putting off going. If I had a regular partner to go with I think I'd be far more comfortable going but I haven't decided definately not to, maybe just not quite yet!

[Sowk]

Thanks

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions. This is greatly appreciated.

[Workin]

I was kind of in a similar spot. Although I don't watch TV, so I read for hours then went to bed. Went to work 2 hours early, stayed late. Read, went to bed.

I started computer programming, rebuilding arcade machines (that's fun), signed up for Lava Life and chatted some people up. Gave me a nice outlet that was convenient, write back whenever you get around to it.

Depending what you are interested in there's probably a club for it somewhere. And you can always join the Masons for a night out each month

[Sowk]

Shriners, Jaycees, Kinsmen, Rotarians, Moose, Elks, YMCA, YWCA [until recently], Climate Warming is a Fraud.ca, Flat Earth Society, Didn't Really Land on the Moon Assoc., Druids for Jesus, etc. etc.

[Epona]

Eight weeks isn't very long. I'd say it's too soon to even consider dating, til you know yourself a bit better and feel good about it. Since you live in an apartment, I'm sure there are community activities you can go to. Volunteer in something that interests you &/or take a class that piques your interest (whether it be digital photography, water-colour painting, dancing, wood-working...whatever). Go for a walk -- exercising frequently helps people feel better.
You are limited only by your imagination.

[UNLUCKYLADY]

Time.....

Please give yourself a chance. Lonelyness is something that you have to tame. It may take 6 months for you to accept your loneliness. So be strong, it will come. After that you will be in full control of your destiny - because you, and only you, will decide who will, next, enter in your life, as friend or more. Note that I was patient but it paid up big time. Time is the cure.

Time? I've been seperated for 2 1/2 YEARS and I am still alone. Still *feel* alone....I don't think time is the answer; it has to be more like a state of mind.

My state of mind is not good.

I feel MORE outcast, lonely and am finding that the More time goes by, the Worse it gets....still NO resolution - no papers filed...just - nothingness....

Depression plays part...rest is maybe I just don't even KNOW how to have fun anymore? Have no interest..? IDK

I just feel the anxiety. It is crushing at times.

I don't think time is the answer - not for me anyway.

[dinkyface]

In all seriousness, it sounds like you are depressed. Exercise, like the walking, is good, but I suspect you are spend your walking time 'stewing in your head'. Go to your doctor and talk about getting counseling. Or if you have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through work contact them. 2 years ago I got overrun with anxiety, always cold and lethargic, bad insomnia. I did both, and it was a big help. I'm an introvert too, tend to absorb more more from reading not talking, and after a bit of talk (just over the phone), they pointed me towards some very useful books. Others here have had great results with antidepressants and have really got their lives back.

Do it!

Personally, to give yourself a break from the voices in hour head, I'd suggest learning a musical instrument (if you can take the frustration). It is so absorbing you can easily spend an hour in a completely different world. It is basically a type of meditation practice.

[blinkandimgone]

Well the first step is always doing something about it, life and happiness isn't going to come and plop itself down on your doorstep. It's tough, but once you master the first step forward, the second will be easier and the third even easier.

Agree with DF, avail yourself of some resources and work towards feeling better. FInd a buddy to work through it with you if that helps too!