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My abusive x seeking full custody!!
I've never done anything like this but im a bit nervous.. a friend of mine said it can really help to vent anonymously.
I guess I hope to find someone out there who hears me and maybe cares.
I met my ex when I was 16. He was 26 and we moved in together shortly after my 17th birthday.
It was always really important to me to have a family and B seemed totally on board. We'd talk about babynames, and how he would focus on his career now so I could go back to school once the baby was old enough to go to kindergarten.
When I finally got pregnant I was elated but B seemed despondent. he acted like he had no idea that this could happen and one time when I questioned him about it he actually responded "I didn't think it would really happen"
I was starting to realize the scary mistake I had made in choosing this man-child to be my partner in raising a baby, before I was in any way capable of being independent. A stupid young girl mistake that I would spend the next few years fighting very hard to make the best of.
Despite her fathers unwillingness to participate I couldn't have been any happier when my daughter was born healthy and naturally.
Breastfeeding was really important to me and we struggled to succeed. Despite having her at the breast many hours at a time she was not gaining enough weight. She cried in pain all the time. It was heart breaking as a mother to not understand what was going on. I would seek professional help and beg for breastfeeding instruction and be laughed off.
My daughter was 10 pounds at birth so the big joke at the doctors office was "pfft she'll be fine she's huge, just keep her at the breast".. I knew something was wrong I was stressed out the baby was crying and crying we were exhausted and desperate and in frustration B picked her up and angrily dropped her onto the bed...
I couldn't believe what I had seen.. when I confronted him he denied it vhemenently and convinced me I imagined it. When he did it a second time and tried to lie again I left.
I left a middleclass lifestyle as a housewife and mom to be a single mom of 21 on welfare. This was devestating to me. I became severely depressed and lonely.
B consistently refused to take his weekend visits with his daughter in favour of partying with his friends. Our mutual friends had no idea what he had done or why I had left and shunned me.
He ebellished arguments we had had to make him look like the victim and me the tyrant
My mother who suffers from severe bi polar disorder and I were not on speaking terms. She was inconsistent in her therapy and abusive, I did not want her in my life.
. so I was effectively alone with a small child.
When I had day surgery to remove my gallbladder I came home extremely drugged up and in pain. The hospital had made me assure them I had someone to stay the night. I had afterall discussed and arranged this months in advance with B who understood that without his help his daughter wouldnt have a proper caregiver.
As soon as I got home he gathered his things to leave. I reasoned with him, again reminding him that this was for his daughter and he stayed on the couch for the night and left before I even woke up.
I was literally unable to even reach down and pick my daughter up out of the playpen she was sleeping in. I was forced to phone CAS myself and tearfully request help.
On several ocassions at my wits end covered in vomit and baby poo not having spoken to a live grown up in weeks I phoned B crying begging him to please help us for the night that I was at the end of my rope and felt unstable and was worried about my daughters safety. I felt like I was so sad I was an unfit mother and was asking for help..
B refused to come, he told me "C, I know that you would never hurt E"
I learned something during those emotionally painful nights.
I learned that 1) I could never trust B to help us when the chips were down
and 2) I also learned that b's confidence in my parenting was no joke, that no matter what is going on or how sad I am or how scared and unprepared I feel I would never hurt my daughter or do anything to put her in harms way. I gained a confidence in that. I knew that even though I wasn't always super mom my daughter was safe with me. That I would always do right by her.
Through many problems that have arisen in our lives I have put very careful consideration into my daughters part of it and whether or not she was in the best hands. I maintain that every day my daughter is loved, and hugged often, fed healthy food. Is safe from harm, and taught new things. I maintain that I have the humility to ensure she is given all of these things on a daily basis even if I could not be the one to administer it I would ensure that it happened. (even if I had to swallow my pride and call CAS for help, like after my surgery)
When I made the decision to move to Vancouver it was with Bs permission. He wanted to come with us. Shortly after me and E moved and out west and just before B was scheduled to move he met a woman and decided he wanted to stay where he was.
He had chosen a woman over his daughter again, I was disappointed for E.
When I married G, I was hopeful I had finally found a man who would be a helpmate..
This relationship ended in disaster, he turned to alcoholism and became extremely abusive and I again fled the relationship.
Needless to say I am stressed out.
I am starting University in September, It is important to me to gain the independence I have lacked with an education/career. I am done with relationships at the moment, I want to focus on bettering our life. My daughter is around other children every day and has lots of friends and a pretty normal life in every regard aside from the fact that she knows I am incredibly sad.
B came out for a one week visit. If you are a single parent you understand the feeling that you cannot go outside whenever you want..it is a missed luxury. All I asked, was that this one week he was there to visit her, for it to be THEIR week. That I was not on parenting duty for that week, that he would deal with meals and baths and bedtimes etc. Just for one week, so I could try and recoop a bit. the one week out of the entire year that he was seeing her.
Instead, he invited his girlfriend up to stay in his hotel with him because they "don't get to see much of each other" and went off drinking with his buddies every night, then complained that he felt drained the next day and it was because of the air mattress... he turned his one week of the year visit with his daughter into a party vacation
This was literally the only break I was getting from her I had no grandparents or money for babysitters or friends to help out..
I was livid.
Upon returning home B has used this opportunity, my weakness through the breakup depression/financial/decade younger than he is etc etc to try and gain custody of E citing many lies including his belief that our daughter is in danger because of my depression... Back during those first months as a single mother when I phoned him begging him to help us he wouldn't but suddenly now he is worried about her safety? I call BS I am much better off emotionally than I was in those days and I did just fine then, why the sudden concern?
He has outright lied and accused me of "absconding to BC with our daughter without his knowledge or permission", that's an actual quote on the papers that were sent and a complete and blatant lie! I've actually had my lawyer print off and submit his ONLINE BLOG dated forever ago talking about the move and how he is coming with us! Moron.
Worse I found out my mother who I havent spoken too in years and has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about my parenting abilities is funding this.
I am so angry and hurt and I feel so betrayed over and over again...
How can this man think he can offer her a better life? I don't get it, He's the sort who still has his electricity shut off from time to time and is constantly in arrears for his rent.. he's still a child himself in many ways and has NO experience raising one. why doesn't he just ask to be more involved with her life? i've wanted that for years!!!
My theory is he is trying to impress his friends, to come off as the hero saving her from the evil depressed mom rather than admit the truth of his real parenting and as a result I am getting slagged
I shouldnt care what people who dont know about the situation think but it hurts to have my parenting spat on like this especially when half of the things he is claiming are untrue and NONE of what he has done or not done is mentioned..
this must have come out all a jumble I hope it makes sense. Thanks for taking the time to read all of it if you did. I know its really long it felt good to get off my chest.
I guess I hope to find someone out there who hears me and maybe cares.
I met my ex when I was 16. He was 26 and we moved in together shortly after my 17th birthday.
It was always really important to me to have a family and B seemed totally on board. We'd talk about babynames, and how he would focus on his career now so I could go back to school once the baby was old enough to go to kindergarten.
When I finally got pregnant I was elated but B seemed despondent. he acted like he had no idea that this could happen and one time when I questioned him about it he actually responded "I didn't think it would really happen"
I was starting to realize the scary mistake I had made in choosing this man-child to be my partner in raising a baby, before I was in any way capable of being independent. A stupid young girl mistake that I would spend the next few years fighting very hard to make the best of.
Despite her fathers unwillingness to participate I couldn't have been any happier when my daughter was born healthy and naturally.
Breastfeeding was really important to me and we struggled to succeed. Despite having her at the breast many hours at a time she was not gaining enough weight. She cried in pain all the time. It was heart breaking as a mother to not understand what was going on. I would seek professional help and beg for breastfeeding instruction and be laughed off.
My daughter was 10 pounds at birth so the big joke at the doctors office was "pfft she'll be fine she's huge, just keep her at the breast".. I knew something was wrong I was stressed out the baby was crying and crying we were exhausted and desperate and in frustration B picked her up and angrily dropped her onto the bed...
I couldn't believe what I had seen.. when I confronted him he denied it vhemenently and convinced me I imagined it. When he did it a second time and tried to lie again I left.
I left a middleclass lifestyle as a housewife and mom to be a single mom of 21 on welfare. This was devestating to me. I became severely depressed and lonely.
B consistently refused to take his weekend visits with his daughter in favour of partying with his friends. Our mutual friends had no idea what he had done or why I had left and shunned me.
He ebellished arguments we had had to make him look like the victim and me the tyrant
My mother who suffers from severe bi polar disorder and I were not on speaking terms. She was inconsistent in her therapy and abusive, I did not want her in my life.
. so I was effectively alone with a small child.
When I had day surgery to remove my gallbladder I came home extremely drugged up and in pain. The hospital had made me assure them I had someone to stay the night. I had afterall discussed and arranged this months in advance with B who understood that without his help his daughter wouldnt have a proper caregiver.
As soon as I got home he gathered his things to leave. I reasoned with him, again reminding him that this was for his daughter and he stayed on the couch for the night and left before I even woke up.
I was literally unable to even reach down and pick my daughter up out of the playpen she was sleeping in. I was forced to phone CAS myself and tearfully request help.
On several ocassions at my wits end covered in vomit and baby poo not having spoken to a live grown up in weeks I phoned B crying begging him to please help us for the night that I was at the end of my rope and felt unstable and was worried about my daughters safety. I felt like I was so sad I was an unfit mother and was asking for help..
B refused to come, he told me "C, I know that you would never hurt E"
I learned something during those emotionally painful nights.
I learned that 1) I could never trust B to help us when the chips were down
and 2) I also learned that b's confidence in my parenting was no joke, that no matter what is going on or how sad I am or how scared and unprepared I feel I would never hurt my daughter or do anything to put her in harms way. I gained a confidence in that. I knew that even though I wasn't always super mom my daughter was safe with me. That I would always do right by her.
Through many problems that have arisen in our lives I have put very careful consideration into my daughters part of it and whether or not she was in the best hands. I maintain that every day my daughter is loved, and hugged often, fed healthy food. Is safe from harm, and taught new things. I maintain that I have the humility to ensure she is given all of these things on a daily basis even if I could not be the one to administer it I would ensure that it happened. (even if I had to swallow my pride and call CAS for help, like after my surgery)
When I made the decision to move to Vancouver it was with Bs permission. He wanted to come with us. Shortly after me and E moved and out west and just before B was scheduled to move he met a woman and decided he wanted to stay where he was.
He had chosen a woman over his daughter again, I was disappointed for E.
When I married G, I was hopeful I had finally found a man who would be a helpmate..
This relationship ended in disaster, he turned to alcoholism and became extremely abusive and I again fled the relationship.
Needless to say I am stressed out.
I am starting University in September, It is important to me to gain the independence I have lacked with an education/career. I am done with relationships at the moment, I want to focus on bettering our life. My daughter is around other children every day and has lots of friends and a pretty normal life in every regard aside from the fact that she knows I am incredibly sad.
B came out for a one week visit. If you are a single parent you understand the feeling that you cannot go outside whenever you want..it is a missed luxury. All I asked, was that this one week he was there to visit her, for it to be THEIR week. That I was not on parenting duty for that week, that he would deal with meals and baths and bedtimes etc. Just for one week, so I could try and recoop a bit. the one week out of the entire year that he was seeing her.
Instead, he invited his girlfriend up to stay in his hotel with him because they "don't get to see much of each other" and went off drinking with his buddies every night, then complained that he felt drained the next day and it was because of the air mattress... he turned his one week of the year visit with his daughter into a party vacation
This was literally the only break I was getting from her I had no grandparents or money for babysitters or friends to help out..
I was livid.
Upon returning home B has used this opportunity, my weakness through the breakup depression/financial/decade younger than he is etc etc to try and gain custody of E citing many lies including his belief that our daughter is in danger because of my depression... Back during those first months as a single mother when I phoned him begging him to help us he wouldn't but suddenly now he is worried about her safety? I call BS I am much better off emotionally than I was in those days and I did just fine then, why the sudden concern?
He has outright lied and accused me of "absconding to BC with our daughter without his knowledge or permission", that's an actual quote on the papers that were sent and a complete and blatant lie! I've actually had my lawyer print off and submit his ONLINE BLOG dated forever ago talking about the move and how he is coming with us! Moron.
Worse I found out my mother who I havent spoken too in years and has absolutely no knowledge whatsoever about my parenting abilities is funding this.
I am so angry and hurt and I feel so betrayed over and over again...
How can this man think he can offer her a better life? I don't get it, He's the sort who still has his electricity shut off from time to time and is constantly in arrears for his rent.. he's still a child himself in many ways and has NO experience raising one. why doesn't he just ask to be more involved with her life? i've wanted that for years!!!
My theory is he is trying to impress his friends, to come off as the hero saving her from the evil depressed mom rather than admit the truth of his real parenting and as a result I am getting slagged
I shouldnt care what people who dont know about the situation think but it hurts to have my parenting spat on like this especially when half of the things he is claiming are untrue and NONE of what he has done or not done is mentioned..this must have come out all a jumble I hope it makes sense. Thanks for taking the time to read all of it if you did. I know its really long it felt good to get off my chest.
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