Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

False alligations, stressed, help!!!!

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • TRG2010
    replied
    Originally posted by Mess View Post
    The courts can't accept hearsay evidence. Unless someone was in your home pretty much daily, observing you with the child, then they can't say what kind of mother you are.

    Just an example, say you were on the phone with your sister every day, chatting and saying "I did this, and then that with the baby...". All your sister can swear is that you said things on the phone. The courts won't accept anything like that.

    Sorry Mess - I know that. that goes without saying. This is what I have so far - I am looking for brainstroming ideas!! Perhaps someone has been in the same situation and can help me maybe remember other people I have forgotten. I have my previous landloard of 8 years, saw him quite often, he can be a character witness, and say what he saw and knows about me as a parent, thats not hearsay. My counsellor, who I see with my Baby, my ex-sister-in-law whom I've known for 24 years, an old roomate who saw me with my eldest, a co-worker who is a child & youth worker, my eldests Dad, the staff at the womans shelter I was in for 10 weeks and 2 long time friends. I was hoping for some ideas of who else I could get without making a list.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mess
    replied
    The courts can't accept hearsay evidence. Unless someone was in your home pretty much daily, observing you with the child, then they can't say what kind of mother you are.

    Just an example, say you were on the phone with your sister every day, chatting and saying "I did this, and then that with the baby...". All your sister can swear is that you said things on the phone. The courts won't accept anything like that.

    Leave a comment:


  • TRG2010
    replied
    Talked to my Lawyer and We are asking him for his medical records as well and I am going to get reference letters stating how good of a mom I am. Anyone have ideas as to who I can ask besides friends and family? His actions are just a ploy to try to make me look bad.

    Leave a comment:


  • TRG2010
    replied
    Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
    Don't allow him to treat you like a door mat!!!! He just doesn't know what to do with you if you start speaking up. Just stay focused on your child, schedule and routine, offer things around that routine and if he can't deal with it or is making it hard, tell your lawyer.
    Children need routine and consistency. It's a proven fact. Keep that and state that to him and if he demands anything more talk to your lawyer.
    Its funny you say that, I dont even know how I am doing that and how to stop him from treating me like a door mat. I am so afraid to do anything. I am afraid that I might do something wrong and I will get in trouble by the courts. True about speaking up, he doesnt like that. he has said in our marraige "yuou just wont submit to your husband will you". I am trying to please him, and please the courts, please my daughter...... please, someone please me. lol.
    I do stick by the routine and consistancy thing, that I have not veered from. Thank you. I think I will go to bed now.. Baby still nurses all night, every 2 hours or so...sweet ting... love her so much :'( Goodnight I'll be back tomorrow if there is more advice/comments. Thank you all for making my first post pleasant.

    Leave a comment:


  • tugofwar
    replied
    Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
    He's being a d**k.
    thanks, im glad i read it from a male!

    Leave a comment:


  • tugofwar
    replied
    What are your plans? Did you mention going to court soon? As for the abuse, emotional will probably be hard to prove etc.
    Focus on why you are the good parent. If you focus too much about all his faults etc I don't think the judge will care.
    Like I said, make a parenting plan, think of all the things that make you a good parent and focus on that. That's all I have.

    Leave a comment:


  • tugofwar
    replied
    Originally posted by TRG2010 View Post
    Tugofwar - others have told me the same. Control, I feel controlled by him still and abused still. I am so sad, I dont believe that anything will come from his alligations of my "psychologicall wellbeing and my ability to parent - our baby", but part of me isn't sure!!! Sometimes I doubt myself, but then I know I am a great mom. I love her, I nurse her when she asks, I play with her, I hold her and hug her and kiss her. I take her for walks, and her apointments, I dont yell or anything like that at her, shes always clean and happy. Just reading what he says hurts!!! I keep trying to talk to myself, like, if he is so concerned about her, then why is he just asking for joint custody? I have a 13 year old, she is an excellent student - A's & B's, she is respectful, loving, honest, well manered teen. I rasied her myself, doesnt that say something? Isn't this kind of stuff he's doing ruining his own chances for joint custody? I say the same tugofwar - he is just interested in whats best for himself, not her. I hope the courts see it too. Stuff like this makes me want sole custody even more, he scares me! Am I wrong??

    Also, anyone know what would be considered "all treating medical professionals"? his lawyer wants all of my "medical clinical notes and records" from them. Obviously family doctor, who else? My midwife? cousellors? therapists?

    I'm tired... hard to stay strong...
    Listen, don't worry about him or what he thinks! That's the first step! I was the same before, didn't want to rock the boat, I didn't want to upset him and in the meantime my daughter was suffering because I was thinking of him and not her.

    Have you tried any type of counselling? I strongly recommend it! Honestly, the best thing I have ever done for myself and my daughter. Ive learned to put her first!

    I go back and forth to about joint and sole but honestly "I strongly believe that it is in my daughter's best interest to have sole custody!"

    Just do your best for your children! All that you mentioned about that you do, does he do the same?
    Just think of all the great things you plan on doing with your child. How you will continue feeding them emotionally, and educate etc.
    Make a parenting plan for the child. What do you plan on doing to ensure your child has the best life possible.

    As for him, forget about him. STEP 1!

    Leave a comment:


  • TRG2010
    replied
    Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
    Don't allow him to treat you like a door mat!!!! He just doesn't know what to do with you if you start speaking up. Just stay focused on your child, schedule and routine, offer things around that routine and if he can't deal with it or is making it hard, tell your lawyer.
    Children need routine and consistency. It's a proven fact. Keep that and state that to him and if he demands anything more talk to your lawyer.

    I try... dammit... haha.. on one occasion, i droped her off. it was 9:30am. Lawyers letter stated her dropp off time was to be sometime in the morning according to her scedule. most times it was 10am. well her nursings were starting earlier in the morining, then she would nurse every 2-2 1/2 hours. she nursed at 9, best to drop her off at 9:30. makes sense right!? So I get there, right off the bat - your early - (no hi baby, so happy to see you....) I said its according to her schedule, he says "well. dont worry , that will change soon (all antagonistic)

    Looking4answers - I only have a few things for proof of abuse - none of his abuse was physical - I have a letter he wrote stating he knows he was neglectful and distant, I have the fact I called the police, and I have the marriage therapist - I told her, with him there an incident where he was verbally and emotionally abusive which he addmitted to saying. thats it. I dont know if the courts will see that as enough. The rest I have is all my word against his, and there are a lot, 40 typed pages of incidents. Hopefully the judge will ook at it as there is something in there that is the truth. Oh I have my daughter as well, she witnessed a lot of it, but my lawyer says that a judge is going to frown on using her as a witness. Another witness I have to an incident is his sister, not likely she will testify for me. The exclusive possession is not a factor here. I moved out, and I am now in geared to income housing. I can't afford the home even if he let me stay there, the mortgage is too much!!! But thank you!! I will look into that link.

    Leave a comment:


  • dadtotheend
    replied
    Originally posted by tugofwar View Post
    You liked that! What does he gain by doing so? He's trying to prove I make it impossible for him to gain access to his daughter.
    He's being a d**k.

    Leave a comment:


  • TRG2010
    replied
    Tugofwar - others have told me the same. Control, I feel controlled by him still and abused still. I am so sad, I dont believe that anything will come from his alligations of my "psychologicall wellbeing and my ability to parent - our baby", but part of me isn't sure!!! Sometimes I doubt myself, but then I know I am a great mom. I love her, I nurse her when she asks, I play with her, I hold her and hug her and kiss her. I take her for walks, and her apointments, I dont yell or anything like that at her, shes always clean and happy. Just reading what he says hurts!!! I keep trying to talk to myself, like, if he is so concerned about her, then why is he just asking for joint custody? I have a 13 year old, she is an excellent student - A's & B's, she is respectful, loving, honest, well manered teen. I rasied her myself, doesnt that say something? Isn't this kind of stuff he's doing ruining his own chances for joint custody? I say the same tugofwar - he is just interested in whats best for himself, not her. I hope the courts see it too. Stuff like this makes me want sole custody even more, he scares me! Am I wrong??

    Also, anyone know what would be considered "all treating medical professionals"? his lawyer wants all of my "medical clinical notes and records" from them. Obviously family doctor, who else? My midwife? cousellors? therapists?

    I'm tired... hard to stay strong...

    Leave a comment:


  • tugofwar
    replied
    Originally posted by dadtotheend View Post
    Smooth move.


    What a champ. Better than ever.

    You liked that! What does he gain by doing so? He's trying to prove I make it impossible for him to gain access to his daughter.

    Leave a comment:


  • tugofwar
    replied
    Don't allow him to treat you like a door mat!!!! He just doesn't know what to do with you if you start speaking up. Just stay focused on your child, schedule and routine, offer things around that routine and if he can't deal with it or is making it hard, tell your lawyer.
    Children need routine and consistency. It's a proven fact. Keep that and state that to him and if he demands anything more talk to your lawyer.

    Leave a comment:


  • Looking4Answers
    replied
    Links for Statues

    Here is the link as well. You can go into each section and go to edit and type in the words you are looking for and when they come up they lead you to the statues.

    Family Law Act, R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3

    Leave a comment:


  • Looking4Answers
    replied
    Family Law Statue - Best Interest of Children

    Under the family law act you have support with respect to the fact you were abused. Hope this helps.

    Order for exclusive possession: criteria
    (3) In determining whether to make an order for exclusive possession, the court shall consider,
    (a) the best interests of the children affected;
    (b) any existing orders under Part I (Family Property) and any existing support orders;
    (c) the financial position of both spouses;
    (d) any written agreement between the parties;
    (e) the availability of other suitable and affordable accommodation; and
    (f) any violence committed by a spouse against the other spouse or the children. R.S.O. 1990, c. F.3, s. 24 (3).

    Leave a comment:


  • tugofwar
    replied
    Originally posted by TRG2010 View Post
    Very true - Easier said than done. There is a ton of conflict!! has been even before I left him. I say black ,he says white, if I then say white, he says grey..... We don't agree on anything. He wants her all weekend friday to sunday, he has since she was 6 months, and she is nursing, still is. I have tried to explain that she needs to have her visits expanded over time so she can adjust, he still insists on what he wants, then he wants 10am-4pm. 10am is nap time, I said 9 or 9:30, give her time to get settled before her nap, and she comes home at 12:30 to nurse, her times can increase over time. (it was just increased to 9:30-12:30 in Feb, but he has missed every weekend of his since then) He wants it now. There is no getting along, not as far as I can see, well yes there is... if I agree to everything he says and do things exactly the way he wants. I try...feels like I am hitting my head against a brick wall...
    I totally understand because I am in the same boat. There's nothing you can do about it. He doesn't like to be told how he should have access. Mine enjoyed his sporadic visits before his lawyer told him he should try to get her at least once a week.
    It's a control issue. They don't understand the importance of routine! I don't know about your whole situation but my daughter doesn't really know who he is and doesn't know him as her father, just someone who picks her up and drops her off.
    There's no real thing you can do but try your best to just stay focused on your child. Your ex sounds like mine, it's not about the children but themselves and I don't think that will change. He will not change.
    Last edited by tugofwar; 03-29-2010, 10:25 PM.

    Leave a comment:

Our Divorce Forums
Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
Working...
X