can't get the ex to calm down

[crispy]

Hello all,
My situtation just keeps constant, the ex is always at my throat about everything. I'll give a little background to the last 2 months. My oldest started jk. Awesome, proud day. My ex didn't tell me anything about her schedule until she started. I asked about things around the school, and her answer was, it doesn't matter, you can't pick her up anyways, and I told the school that. It's written in our agreement that she's supposed to inform me about any school functions, etc. I gave her some time to give me information about the school. She didn't. So I took it upon myself and became informed. I contacted the principal and found out that I missed my daughters open house by a week. He passed a message on to the teacher. She mistakenly called my ex. I heard it for that one, and was accused of "interfering with my daughters school and that I'm an idiot if I think I can go there to hang out with her." I have a background in the education system, my aunt was on the board of directors and my mom was a teacher for 35 years. I have since met with the principal and have my own way of getting information regarding her school. A small victory that my ex can't control me at all over.
About 3 weeks ago, my oldest daughter burnt her hand on my ex's stove. She's 4 and has always stayed away from anything hot whenever I've had them. It was a bad burn, 1st degree on her palm and every pad on each fingertip. I was informed about it the day after, because it happened in the evening and didn't take my daughter to the doctor until the next morning. My ex was working when it happened and my girls were in the care of the boyfriend. I spoke with my daughters doctor's receptionist and asked for some information, she told me that her hands were tied. I showed up the next day and gave a photocopy of my seperation agreement highlighting the facts that I'm entitled to have this information. My ex has found out, since the doctor contacted her and apparently told her that she will not communicate with me and anything that I want to know, has to be through my ex. Fine and dandy, but my ex doesn't tell me barely anything. I normally wouldn't react to her, but two weeks before this, my same daughter had a black eye. My ex told me that she fell out of bed while sleeping. My daughter told me that she was having a pillow fight with the boyfriend and he hit her hard and she fell off the bed onto a fan. This is why I wanted to find out from the doctor as to what happened, because I can't trust the ex. She ended her rant on me by telling me that I need to move on with my life and realize that her and I are done. Hilarious, I just want to be with my daughters.

oh yeah, she's also 8 months pregnant with this boyfriend with whom they are having troubles. I'm worried about the quality of care he's giving my kids since the relationship is on the rocks.

What should I do? Any suggestions?

[dadtotheend]

Did you say the doctor's receptionist said that your daughter's hands were tied, while at the same time treating her for a serious burn? If the doctor thought that her hands were tied, the doctor is obligated by law to inform the CAS. If you are concerned about the black eye, you should be calling the CAS, by law.

[blindsided]

Did you say the doctor's receptionist said that your daughter's hands were tied, while at the same time treating her for a serious burn? If the doctor thought that her hands were tied, the doctor is obligated by law to inform the CAS. If you are concerned about the black eye, you should be calling the CAS, by law.

I think he meant the receptionists hands were tied.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

Void any court order to the contrary the laws are clear, that you as a parent entitled to access have the right to be informed about any and all school activities that directly affect your children, as well are entitled to all reports and copies of letters sent home to the custodial parent. You do not need a court order to have this.

Similarly for any medial records, you have the same rights that the custodial parent has, albeit she may have the final say to their care, but you are still entitled to information about any visits and the results thereof.

As for the care, I too feel that something needs to be done ASAP to ensure that the children are not being harmed intentionally or mistreated to the point of serious injury as seems to be the case. Time is now to act!

[lulu46]

The children

OK I am not an expert by any means, but if my daughters hand was burned and the ex lied to you about the black eye, I would be on the phone demanding some answers. Have you ahd the opportunity to meat the new boy friend, and what is ther reaction of your girls when you talk about him? You can tell alot by meeting someone and the way your children react around him? this makes the hairs on my neck stand up please investigate!

[Sara08]

My husband and I were in a similar spot, still are, but here is what worked for us.
Go to the people in charge, it sounds like you won't get anywhere with your ex and teachers and doctors will support you finding out about the health education and welfare of YOUR kids, despite what the ex says. We had to speak directly to teachers and principles, we are on an email list from the school that updates us on things like report cards and chirstmas concerts and the such, it's great. (Our JK teacher invited both my husband and I in to see the kid in class, she was wonderful)
As for sports, we find out where the registration took place and get the schedual through them (this is tricky because, with telling her what games we were going to would either ensure the kid was 'sick' for that game, or a temper tantrum would ensue (by the ex, not the kid) so be careful with this one, remember how your daughter feels)
The Doctor, we made appointments to go and see him with the child (he or she will want to see how the two of you interact), and if the ex didn't bring him, the Dr sees that you are making the attempt to find out stuff pertaining to you child and the Dr gave us full access to the kids medical file. The suggestion that I have is to invite your ex (potentially dangerous if she is completely unreasonable) so that she can hear what the Dr is saying about you daughter.
Keep everything in writing! communicate by email! Keep conflict out of the eyes of the child! and keep involved.
As for the abuse I would contact childrens services NOW! If they truly were accidents, there will be nothing to keep secret from anyone. We had a false allegation of abuse against us and FACS became involved. We knew we had nothing to hide and it became apparent in the first meeting so FACS had to teach the ex how to parent and encouraged the ex to support our contact, for the best intrests of the child.

It is going to be a long hard difficult road and at times it will seem neverending, however hang in there. For the sake of your daughter, remember to do the best job that you can, even if your ex is trying her best to keep you out of things, keep focused on your daughter and not how upset that you get over having to jump through unnecessary hoops just to be involved with your child, this will be tough, I am speaking from experience.

Good luck. There are more moments than not that you will be greatful for being there when you can.

[crispy]

Hello, in response to the concerns raised on here for my daughter. My ex's boyfriend is not new, he was moved into the marital home a mere month after her and I split. I raised hell over it, brought it up in my motions, with lawyers, with her, nothing was done, I was talking upon deaf ears. My kids are very familiar with him and do get happy when they see him when I drop them off. I had a talk with my ex, and things have gotten better quickly, almost quickly enough to raise suspicion. She did answer all my questions regarding my daughters burns and told me the whole story behind the black eye. (which was the exact same thing that my daughter told me) Where my problem is, now that everything else has been ironed out, is that my ex is claiming that the doctor is refusing to inform me about the doctor's appointments, care, etc and that all that information is to be attained through my ex and not her. I have been working the last 4 business days and haven't had a chance to find out anything. I'm planning on calling my own doctor's office to see what their policy is about informing the non-custodial parent regarding doctor's appointments. So that's where I'm at. My ex is a decent mother and wouldn't harm my children, I know this for a fact.