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  • Want to start divorce but scared of spouse

    My spouse is already under peace bond and has a history of attacking
    Me in anger
    She is staying with me as I approved it in court
    Now i think i shot it in my leg.. rather head
    The woman still loses it in anger and has been physical to me in front of my kids
    I want to divorce but I fear she may react and try to kill me
    She definitely has mental issue.. she is very bipolar
    I know I can get restraining orders but what about my kids?? She can put this anger on them if she stays with them? There is a separation year ... I dont know how I can manage that in same house

  • #2
    How old are the kids?
    Is the peace bond due to an attack on you?

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    • #3
      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
      How old are the kids?
      Is the peace bond due to an attack on you?
      6 and 8 yr old girls
      Yes I was attacked by her. The elder kid witnessed it too

      Comment


      • #4
        You can get exclusive possession of the house, which means she will not live in the house.

        You can also get interim custody of the children, and make sure that her custody is supervised. She won't be able to hurt the kids.

        She does not mind assaulting you. Eventually, if you do nothing, she will start assaulting the children. You need to do something.

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        • #5
          Thanks for the guidance

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          • #6
            Revocable???

            You can always revoke your permission. Just because you allowed her to live with you again and she has a peace bond doesn't mean you have to suffer through this any longer. I would reach out to your local courthouse victim assistance program and speak to them. Document each day and if it gets physical you should be going to the police with your evidence. if you have injuries get to your doctor for documentation. You could be faced with a situation whereby CAS may have to step in if you won't protect your kids from witnessing this. If your wife has already been through the court system for domestic violence and continues to be violent in the home with the kids then you have a duty to protect your children. Mental illness is tough and if she has good days its harder because you see both the good and bad in her. Is she on meds or in an outpatient program somewhere? Is her mental illness documented? You may want to speak to a lawyer first but quietly get your ducks in order before you pull the pin. If she doesn't work you will most likely have to support her with SS.

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            • #7
              Cover your ass. Record and document. Make sure you have proof. Is she aware you want a divorce? Things will likely escalate...

              Kids first. She likely would not hesitate to throw you under the bus. You are there to save the kids, not her. Try to get out of the fog (fear, obligation, guilt) towards her.

              I recommend the book "Spiltting" by Bill Eddy.. seems applicable in your case.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by backinthesaddle View Post
                You can always revoke your permission. Just because you allowed her to live with you again and she has a peace bond doesn't mean you have to suffer through this any longer. I would reach out to your local courthouse victim assistance program and speak to them. Document each day and if it gets physical you should be going to the police with your evidence. if you have injuries get to your doctor for documentation. You could be faced with a situation whereby CAS may have to step in if you won't protect your kids from witnessing this. If your wife has already been through the court system for domestic violence and continues to be violent in the home with the kids then you have a duty to protect your children. Mental illness is tough and if she has good days its harder because you see both the good and bad in her. Is she on meds or in an outpatient program somewhere? Is her mental illness documented? You may want to speak to a lawyer first but quietly get your ducks in order before you pull the pin. If she doesn't work you will most likely have to support her with SS.
                All of this. Report when the violence happens- to the police. Your priority here is to protect the kids. And you will likely need exclusive possession, a no contact order AND supervised visits. Do you have the funds for a lawyer?

                Also- I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really shitty. To think you have to protect your kids from the only other person in the world who is supposed to love them and protect them as much as you. But don't downplay the physical violence.

                Comment


                • #9
                  The above posters have given you good advice for the short term while your spouse is dealing with the criminal court system which is there to help victims of domestic violence. However, you need to be prepared for a dramatic change once criminal court is finished and you and your spouse enter the realm of family court. You will discover that in family court, even in the face of hard core evidence, any past or present incidents of domestic violence will be painted with the brush of false allegations and alienation of the children. Abusers love family court as it gives them the power to continue to abuse their victims on a whole new level , unchecked by any court orders ( which they can ignore anyway as consequences are extremely rare). In fact their abuse will be condoned by the family court system until trial which they can effectively stall for more than 8 years. Oh they may get a finger wagging here and there but the judges will make sure they are given ample time to emotionally and financially decimate their ex spouses first. The family court judge will also allow them to emotionally abuse the children to the degree the children are permanently damaged with diagnoses of depression, anxiety and PTSD. This comes from 1) a judge continually ordering supervised access with the abuserís family members who donít actually supervise very well.
                  2)The abuser being mentally ill and refusing treatment
                  3) The abuser being permanently brain damaged
                  4) the abuser not taking any responsibility for their actions and instead blaming the other parent
                  5) The abuser involving the children in the litigation
                  6) the abuser calling the estrangement of their children alienation which relieves them of taking any responsibility
                  7) deciding that the best way to get unsupervised access is to cut off all access including phone or face to face visits with the kids for a period of 21/2 years then scream and holler to have access reinstated, get another supervised order, donít take access for another six months, start supervised access with the other parentís family members present this time. Children refuse to stay in the same room with abuser and abuser doesnít understand why. Abuser continues coming for unsuccessful visits refusing to acknowledge that the children were actually present when abuser had assaulted them so blaming the other parent doesnít work. This is allowed to go on for another year by the judge until abuser cuts off all access again for another 21/2 years. Final custody order made that children and father can arrange access as mutually decided between them but no other issues settled. Then one year later while still litigating remaining issues, abuser says they want to reopen the child custody issues. Judge says but we already settled that then allows abuser to reopen this issue.

                  Beware of family court where abusers are given a free rein to reek havoc and destruction on their former partners and children, all with the judgeís blessing.

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                  • #10
                    Am proceeding to file online divorce tomor. SHe has got the idea and I believe that she will retaliate. I just hope she doesnt take up the knife again. My kid are too young and innocent Their mom screaming Fck up showing middle finger while their dad trying to teach the kids not to immitate her
                    I can take the easy way out to let her rot in hell of the jail... its very easy for me. she has been abusing me well in front of friends, neghbours, kids etc
                    DOnt know family court yet, but criminal court wasnt so good too. When we were drained of 20 K to get her out with a peace bond
                    If I report again, she is going in jail for sure
                    I am not going to, until she picks up the weapon again. Risk is both sides...
                    SHe has mental illness for sure... unable to control anger.. she would torture even for smallest of arguements by switching off the internet and blocking my office work or even deliberately spilling coffee on my keyboard and would do in front of the kids
                    Now the question comes.. what does 1 yr of separation means ? We are still suppose to live in same house. I do not share bed with my wife.. since 2 yrs,, so is that separation period required for couple like us?
                    It will be simple divorce.. as she would not let me off easily

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                    • #11
                      If your wife is as violent and unpredictable as you describe and indeed has a mental illness which is not being adequately treated, I hope your children are not living with the two of you. Itís one thing if you want to take the risk of continuing to live under such dangerous circumstances but not fair to your kids. Are CAS involved? If what you say is true, they should be. If what you say is true and you have not picked up and left with the kids you run the risk of having CAS step in and remove the children from both of you. You as a parent have a duty to protect your children from exposure to violence and if the other parent is the threat you have a duty to remove the children from that threat. That means taking the kids and leaving and then filing an emergency motion in family court. If the kids are in imminent danger from an unstable spouse then you and the kids can not continue to live under the same roof with that unstable spouse.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Jackdivorce View Post
                        Now the question comes.. what does 1 yr of separation means ?
                        Honestly, completely irrelevent. That clause does not matter in your case at all. That is only if you need a divorce, and you only need a divorce if you are planning on getting remarried.

                        You want a separation, and you can do that after you have been apart for 13 seconds.

                        Comment

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