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Mental Health Deterioration

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  • Mental Health Deterioration

    What are the options for someone who has been worn down by years of traumatic stress and realizes their mental health is compromised?

    Nothing that isn't completely confidential is an option, given that the ex and her goons in the CAS and OCL have a long history of fabrications regarding me, including projecting her own mental health issues onto me.

    I have to do something about the extreme somatic and psychological symptoms because I've lost the ability to mask them.

  • #2
    talk to your doctor and they can refer you to the necessary specialists.


    • #3
      My doctor is also the ex's doctor, and the OCL and CAS have long since demanded disclosure forms.


      • #4
        call a mental health crisis line.


        • #5
          I tried, but couldn't come up with anything coherent to say. Don't know where to begin.


          • #6
            Perhaps try talking simply here.

            What is your particular issue ? Is it legal? Does it involve child custody? Does it involve divorce?

            More information is required.

            Thank you


            • #7

              What are the issues that you feel are insurmountable due to your declining health?


              • #8
                Might I suggest that you enroll with another doctor so that you can get care for yourself without your privacy being invaded?


                • #9
                  It is very difficult to sum up the last four years into a tidy little package, and even more difficult to try and make it believable, it is just so bizarre and at odds with what we all want to believe is true about our culture and society.

                  My ex has literally been trying to destroy me for four years, and has practically succeeded in every way because:
                  - She and her family are wealthy, while I and mine are not
                  - She is an adept manipulator who presents well and compellingly, and is of the politically correct gender
                  - She has no moral compunctions whatsoever, there is nothing beneath which she will not stoop in her quest to prove that she is the perfect parent and that I am human garbage
                  - She has 'standing' in the community due to her family ties to the local Crown Attorney's office, and her employment by the school board as a teacher, and her personal friendships with the local police

                  I lived with my ex for twenty years, a truly unpleasant experience in many ways but I had absurdly naive ideas about commitment, and we raised three children together for 13 of those years. I was highly involved with my children, working from home and caring for them most of those years while my ex was the primary breadwinner.

                  Suddenly, in early 2012, my ex became convinced that I had vast sums of money I was keeping from her, and launched a campaign to emulate her new friends and entitle herself to a big fancy home like theirs by seizing my children, withholding them from me, and manipulating the "family" court into forcibly extorting me.

                  During the past four years, she has abducted the children multiple times, abandoned hundreds of thousands of dollars in joint debt (which she incurred over my protests) to me alone, successfully completely alienated my two older children, and withheld my youngest for many months at a time.

                  She has viciously destroyed my character and reputation everywhere with lies and with perjury. She has falsely accused me of DV, and testified in criminal kangaroo court that my youngest is "afraid for her life" around me in her attempts to have me imprisoned. She started making false reports to the police the moment she disappeared with the kids, and still hasn't stopped.

                  I struggled for two years try to cover all the payments on our home on my own for the kids sakes, and had to enter into a consumer proposal to do it, destroying my credit rating. Nevertheless, she manipulated the "family" court into stripping us of our home on extremely short notice, rendering me homeless until I could find a squalid rental hovel to occupy.

                  She has had a slick asshole of an attorney on retainer for the whole time, while I quickly ran out of RRSPs to cash in and have been forced to self-represent for years. I finally got this to trial in "family" court last May, but she has completely ignored all parts of the order that she doesn't like, and continues to make false complaints to the police.

                  I went back to court in August to try to get them to enforce the Order, and was essentially kicked out without being heard and told to pay four grand in costs. This is of course money I do not have and will not be able to pay.

                  She has a "boyfriend" who, when I attempt to pick up my one not yet alienated child, she has sitting on a lawnchair on her step, arm crossed, accusing me of being a "wife beater", of "trespassing on my ex's property", and refuses to let my daughter out.

                  I've been told by friends who are acquainted with the "boyfriend" that I should be concerned for my safety given what they know about him and his contacts in the prison system.

                  I've had to ask the police to try to enforce the Order on multiple occasions, but their hands are tied by the lack of an enforcement clause.

                  The Order from last May's trial specifies that we are to use a "Parenting Coordinator", which I had originally hoped would be a good thing. However, it turns out that this "Parenting Coordinator" is just another lawyer and tool of the ex, who is gleefully billing out at $300/hr to listen to my ex's defamatory remarks abojt me, which I cannot pay. There is nothing I can do to get this lawyer to stop charging me every time my ex runs to her with complaints about how terrible a piece of scum I am. From my point of view, it is obvious that my ex is using this as another form of financial abuse, and this scumbag lawyer is happy to be used as a tool of abuse in this way. Like every other person working the Divorce Industry, she obviously sees high-conflict whackjobs like my ex as being good for revenue.

                  As for mental health, according to my eldest's psychiatrist, he is near psychosis and should be admitted "to the unit", yet my ex insists there is nothing wrong with him. My middle daughter has been entirely deprived of me as a parent, and my half of her family, for over three years, while the other half of her family, including the retired doctor, the crown attorney, the judge's widow, and many teachers, all cheer her on. She has been referred to the CAS by counsellors who were alarmed at her level of stress and anxiety, but of course the CAS does the same as everyone else, "abide by the expressed wishes of the child", as if the child was not in fact a victim of severe emotional and psychological abuse.

                  Despite all my desperate efforts to try to stop the ongoing abuse of my children and of me, it has become more than obvious that I am completely powerless. There is nothing I can do to stop my malevolent ex and her hordes of enablers and accomplices. Never in my life have I been more distressed by anything than I am by this utter helplessness.

                  Finally, me and my mental health. It has been years since I have been suicidal about this, and it has completely astounded me how I've managed to come up with the strength to remain standing and marginally functional. However, the somatic effects of chronic traumatic stress have been unbearable, and my facade of composure is in tatters. I am constantly twitching, my legs suddenly collapse under me, I have chest pains and difficulty breathing. I cannot concentrate, I am profoundly exhausted all the time and yet cannot remain asleep. I remain just coherent enough to realize that my thoughts and emotions are slowly becoming irrational. I truly believe I need help.

                  And yet, I am working yet another new job that has already been compromised by my having to be away to do deal with this Parenting Coordinator and with appointments for the children, so I do not have the time away from work to seek confidential assistance, nor of course do I have the money.

                  I'm at my wit's end.


                  • #10
                    Well it certainly sounds as though you've been through a very tough time. First thing I think you should do is focus on your physical health. Go for a thorough and extensive check-up. I'm no doc but it sounds as though you may be having panic attacks which can be quite debilitating. Your physician will refer you to a mental health professional. May take some time to get the appointment but you can do a few things in the meantime:

                    a) I'd recommend writing a synopsis of your past 5 years (include what you wrote in the above post) and see if you can send it to the specialist you are referred to PRIOR to your first appointment. This synopsis, along diagnostic lab results, will aid the specialist in getting up-to-speed and assist in helping you sooner rather than later.

                    b) Keep busy. I had the proverbial rug pulled out from under me and survived 5 years of relentless litigation from a very spiteful ex/g/f tag-team. I had deal with the remnants of a business (which took the better part of 4 years). What kept me sane was my form of physical exercise: cleaning. I cleaned a friends house for them every time they went out of town. They thought I was a tad crazy but really appreciated my efforts to organize their very disorganized (disastrous really) home. This gave me an immense physical and psychological release. Others on here will share their coping strategies.

                    c) Knowing your limitations and moving on. Once you get your physical and mental issues evaluated you can work with the specialist and make some decisions as to just what matters you are capable of dealing with and determine a go-forward game plan. Not everyone is up to the challenge of being a long-term litigant. Some people simply cannot continue the battle (for mental and financial reasons).

                    Keep talking. Keep asking questions and be good to yourself.

                    Oh and I almost forgot this one:

                    d) Distract yourself. You mentioned you currently reside in a lousy place. Perhaps you can move to a better place? Go to the library and browse. I hadn't been to a public library since I was a child and I was amazed at all of the interesting resources. Stay away from self-help book section as these will do nothing but put you into a perpetual state of depression. Instead look for hobby-type things - how to turn your humble abode into an oasis, etc. Also there is something to be said about taking a break from life's problems by reading some good books (mysteries, biographies). I recall reading at least 5 books/week (when I wasn't cleaning friend's house, going to court, etc.). Sure you can download books on an e-reader but reading a good book in bed is a real pleasure.
                    Last edited by arabian; 11-18-2015, 11:07 AM. Reason: another thought


                    • #11
                      My Tips

                      1. Learn the Law - you are powerless when you can't defend yourself so go learn the law and learn to defend yourself. Once you can defend yourself free of charge then legal fees become her achilles heel.

                      2. File bankruptcy, honestly its practically painless and if you do it well you will be better off.

                      3. Appeal decisions if they are wrong.

                      4. Ignore all her accusations as her way of trying to destroy you but as long they fail (and they will if you do #1 & #3 right) consider it business as usual. So lower your standards for what a normal life is like.

                      5. Work hard, make money, find what you like doing and pursue it. Make plans, make dreams, make a bucket list. Women, sports, hobbies, volunteering you now have nobody there to stop you, you and the sky are your limits.

                      6. Erase her, she is just your legal adversary now - somebody who is trying to hurt you and hurt the kids. Behave well and you'll come up on top.

                      I went through a lot myself and I stayed strong and "manned up" I am at the final stretch now but once upon a time I got thrown out of my life and it stayed like that for over a year and then i got banned from court for 6 months based on sheer lies and incompetence .

                      If you need people to talk to I am here, we can trade war stories anytime - I won't get tired
                      Last edited by Links17; 11-18-2015, 11:55 AM.


                      • #12
                        Exercise helps a lot with mental health in many cases- try to make time to exercise.


                        • #13
                          Been through this

                          I am so sorry about what you're going through. I lived this too.

                          I have an ex and his girlfriend who have absolutely tried to maliciously break and destroy me, knowing that I have a history of depression, I believe were doing so that I would kill myself. Relentlessly taking me to court, making up lies, spreading crazy terrible stories about me, despite my impeccable reputation through the community as I am well known due to much volunteer and community work. Alienated one child against me. Ran up my legal bills. Used up my RRSPs.

                          And 2 years ago...2 years after our separation, it did break me. I had a lot going on with my family (Mom with Alzheimers), new high stress career, serious health problems from the relentlessly high stress.

                          I totally broke mentally and physically. I took a work leave that I thought would be 3 weeks. Didn't eat, sleep, take a shower, function in any human way. Stared into my empty fireplace for 10 or more hours a day. Didn't have the energy to walk to bed so I lived on my couch for months.

                          It turned into 7 months...all unpaid. Psychiatrist got me on good medication, I fired my family doctor who had misprescribed me for 5 years. Horrible broken spirit. I found the strength and ability finally to go back to work after I capitulated hugely on property equalization just to get progress.

                          Started back to work. Within 3 weeks my ex took me back to court to lower my support despite the fact that I hadn't had any income for 7 months. Ended up with an insane judge who terminated all child support and cut my spousal support.


                          At that point, I made a choice. #$%# it. I wanted my life back.."me" back. I did something crazy...despite being trashed everywhere publicly, I ran for public office and won. Started reclaiming my tattered reputation and life bit by bit. Held my head up because none of those crazy stories were true. Did it because I felt that there had to be a life beyond my divorce. For me, For my kids.

                          Within a 24 hour period, my lawyer quit 10 days before our trial (probably because she knew that she had missed all sorts of deadlines); my work laid me off AND I had a car accident that was my fault. @#$

                          I just kept going because I had to. By the grace of God, my trial got delayed for 5 weeks due to the court system. In the meantime, I got 100s of pages of documents/evidence served that weren't previously done by my well paid lawyers. Did Requests to Admit, Form 20. Lots of stuff that I had learned here (THANK YOU!)

                          Self repped my trial. "Won" (if anyone wins).

                          Now I just had to pay $20k because ex is appealing it and I can't handle doing the appeal. It's beyond me, I realize my limitations.

                          Got a $25 k line of credit that truly was a gift from God because I had no income from work or spousal or child pretty much fell from the sky.

                          I started looking for these signposts and miracles like that and found they were all around me, guiding me out of my personal hell.

                          Somehow I was able to cross that bridge back to sanity because I took control back...the little bits of my tattered life... one bit at a time.

                          How? As well said above...learn the law, read here and learn, go to a doctor, psychatrist or whoever can help you. I went through 8 councellors in 3 years because they either quit their jobs or got pregnant. Kept going and got a great one who helps my self esteem and sanity.

                          Keep going until you get the help that you need. Exercise, read. Meet new friends. Watch sunsets. Learn and practice Mindfulness and start to live in the moment. Remember that if you leave this earth that your child(ren) will never recover properly from it, no matter how much we think they hate us right now.

                          And keep the faith that one day, this will start getting better...and it will...bit by bit.
                          Last edited by lancelot; 11-26-2015, 10:07 PM. Reason: typo


                          • #14
                            One thing missing in our system is a linkage between the mental health and family law professions. Both the crisis line and my therapist were telling me "oh a judge would never do that". Forgetting that family law is based on a perversion of justice as opposed to common sense, which is only understood by its players and victims.

                            I'm starting with a psychiatrist tomorrow who is recommended by my son's autism psychiatrist.

                            Also having people you can talk to helps.

                            My dream is that I will win the lottery and hire former Justice Bastache to take down the current family laws. I particularly want Bastache because I've never liked his comments on any family law cases.


                            • #15
                              I second the suggestion that you get a physical workup from your doctor. Sometimes physical problems (like hormonal/endocrinological issues - not just a problem for women!) can produce symptoms like despair or a bleak outlook.

                              My other suggestion is volunteering. Not only does volunteer work distract you and introduce you to new people who know nothing about you and your ex, but also (and this is crucial if you've been dealing with someone who has battered your self-esteem and made you feel terrible about yourself) volunteering can help you to see yourself as a good person, someone who has something positive to contribute to society, and not just a loser or a failed spouse. You'd be amazed by how many volunteers turn to it to cope with major setbacks in life, and as coping strategies go, it's a lot better than drinking or sitting home alone.


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