Legal Abuse Syndrome?

[Janibel]

Legal Abuse Syndrome

"I became depressed, physically ill and seriously suicidal after experiencing the insanity of litigation. I lost my home and was sent to the street with nothing but the clothes on my back. Literally everything I owned was gone for several years. I fought my fight to points of exhaustion where all I could do was stare into space. Friends had left; I was emotionally isolated and normal living activities were no longer normal. Rage doesn't come close to describing the feelings I lived with for years. Even this is far from the full story of how bad it got." -- The Founder Of Caught.net and The Pro Se Way

Yep, after reading the above article, I'm fairly certain that I suffer from legal abuse syndrome - my case is going on 2 years, and still no relief in site!

[AnarX]

The legal abuse pales in comparison to the heartache and the emotional abuse I had to take.

I am not sure if that makes me luck or not. However, I do not think Legal Abuse can be cleanly separated from any other concommitent form of abuse even if they occurred in the past.

This is all to say that a person who suffered abuse during the marriage does not have a fair start when it comes to tackling the legal nonsense that is coming ahead.

[Janibel]

This is all to say that a person who suffered abuse during the marriage does not have a fair start when it comes to tackling the legal nonsense that is coming ahead.

^^^I agree. I personally had hopeful expectations that the 'system' would help with my situation since the cause of our split was abuse proven in criminal court - I know better now.

My litigation has been reduced to nothing more than damage control ... it would be easy to simply give in and give up at this point. I've considered changing lawyers, though I seriously doubt that it would make any notable difference as it's the system itself that is useless and corrupt.

[arabian]

I think I understand where you are coming from Janibel. I have spent many years in family court as well as some time in criminal court regarding my ex. It is an exhausting experience. Anger and outrage does keep the fire blazing.

I don't understand the cross-over between family and criminal court in your particular situation. I do know that at one time I had a family lawyer, corporate lawyer as well as a criminal lawyer. My personal experience led me to conclude that family law trumps all. Having an excellent family lawyer is very, very important. A good lawyer will tell you the worst case scenario right from the start. A good lawyer wants to win in court and will encourage those who have not-so-solid cases to settle.

Unless someone has a gaggle of money and a very solid set of facts and case law to back them, they aren't going to be setting any legal-precedent setting case. That is the reality of it all. Therefore, us mere mortals have to make sure we have lawyers who keep us focussed on the task at hand. Behaving badly doesn't matter in family court. It comes down to the cases that have been fought and won before us.

If our expectations are too lofty then of course we will be brought back down to earth very quickly.

Canada embraces no-fault divorce so I guess it makes sense that little satisfaction can be realized by those who are wronged and who seek retribution.

[Janibel]

I don't understand the cross-over between family and criminal court in your particular situation. I do know that at one time I had a family lawyer, corporate lawyer as well as a criminal lawyer.

Canada embraces no-fault divorce so I guess it makes sense that little satisfaction can be realized by those who are wronged and who seek retribution.

No-fault divorce, that is the problem Arabian, it was supposedly created to help parties settle faster, not having a need to 'prove' any wrongdoing by simply splitting the financials down the middle and calling it a day.

But then again when criminal charges - or in your case - both criminal and corporate problems 'are' the cause of the faulty marriage and have caused serious prejudice - no fault divorce makes absolutely no sense.

I have one lawyer for the criminal issues of my divorce, another for the civil issues and neither communicate with each other ... wth?

[arabian]

well I wouldn't go so far as to blame the criminal issues for the marriage ending. My ex did indeed have an affair with the long-time employee's wife, the adultery was really a handy way for me to expedite the divorce to hopefully minimize the criminal bleeding off of our corporate assets. In the end I lost everything anyhow but the family court process was handy in that I have a good solid SS order which outlives bankruptcy. Collecting on everything is an entirely different matter. [Cough Cough]

I really thought that at my age I would be looking forward to retirement. I'm sure my ex thought the same thing as well at one time. Nope, he stuck his dicky into the wrong sort of chicky.

[Janibel]

I really thought that at my age I would be looking forward to retirement. I'm sure my ex thought the same thing as well at one time. Nope, he stuck his dicky into the wrong sort of chicky.

LOL! As far as I can see - the only ones who will be enjoying a well-deserved retirement is our lawyers!

[AnarX]

No-fault divorce, that is the problem Arabian, it was supposedly created to help parties settle faster, not having a need to 'prove' any wrongdoing by simply splitting the financials down the middle and calling it a day.

That is how it is sold but in practice, we all delude ourselves into thinking the law is followed.

The reality is that in practice, we do have a fault-based system with a stacked deck. We just do not see it that way.

Every custody battle or argument in favor of spousal support or an uneven asset split is a covert fault-based application of law.

[arabian]

Part of my satisfaction is that ex's g/f has so much dirt on him now that he's stuck with her.

Yeah karma baby.

[arabian]

...The reality is that in practice, we do have a fault-based system with a stacked deck. We just do not see it that way...

It is what it is. You cheat, lie, steal then you get what you sow in my opinion.

My ex and I were 50-50 business partners in an incorporated business. Had he been anything other than my then-estranged husband I could have had him arrested for fraud over 5k and theft. So hell yes I guess it was a "stacked deck" - in his favour at the start.

When business and marriage intertwine things are not so simple.

[AnarX]

It is what it is. You cheat, lie, steal then you get what you sow in my opinion.

No. Not always.
Sometimes people cheat, lie, steal then they get away with it and then some. Meanwhile, the person who did not cheat, lie or steal pays for it all.

[karmaseeker]

If you are suffering from Legal abuse, I totally understand. You might want to research Complex PTSD and Adrenal Fatigue.

[Janibel]

The reality is that in practice, we do have a fault-based system with a stacked deck. We just do not see it that way.

Every custody battle or argument in favor of spousal support or an uneven asset split is a covert fault-based application of law.

The way I understand it is this: it is not the cause (or fault) of the divorce that is relevant in court, but rather the resulting effect (usually financial) the fault has or will have on the lower-earning party?

Maybe it is biased simply because in several cases women usually earn less than their spouses, though that is changing - hopefully new laws will reflect that?

[mememe]

I definitely suffer from legal abuse and emotional abuse from the marriage. I hear you all, and my friends-----and we all agree the system is failing many of us. No consequence for missing information, timelines, delaying the process, lawyers (not mine in this case) who use dirty tricks. I read about my ex's lawyer, even though she won a case in court, the judge reprimanded her for not getting her fax in on time which would have resulted in no court proceeding at all. Funny, her fax was broken when she needed to send us stuff--and when she did---surprise--stuff was missing. My lawyer, too letter of the law sometimes so extra costs not needed. I think i have updated that financial at least 6 times (not including how long the original first one took to prepare) in less than 2 years. I now just found out that if there is no significant difference since your last one----you don't need to update. Well, mine was done a few months ago, and yes they are wanting to do it again. I am going to hold my ground, but somehow I get guilted/convinced it is needed. Yes, maybe it is the moon--but this is 5 years of crap. I blame the ex also---he doesn't care and doesn't monitor what his lawyer does---I can finally say I see him in the new light. I kept being empathetic to his mental illness, but when he can allow 5 years of hell to happen then he is not so sick---he is mean spirited, calculating and vengeful. As said above, I hope there is someone/thing above that is watching and what you reap you sow and he will never be at peace. I may continue to lose monetarily and emotionally---my only hope is that mine has an end after the divorce is done.

[Janibel]

As said above, I hope there is someone/thing above that is watching and what you reap you sow and he will never be at peace. I may continue to lose monetarily and emotionally---my only hope is that mine has an end after the divorce is done.

I'm not brave enough to debate theology in here - but I do believe in my heart that what goes around comes around and I'm old enough to have seen this happen time and time again. Wishing that the Ex never finds peace is counter-productive - aim for your own peace of mind in knowing that you did your best to be fair ... things will get better, it just takes a heck of a long time.