I haven't posted here in years. I'll try to keep it succinct:
My split was just a "bad luck" situation. Cheating wife, mediocre lawyer and my complete lack of knowledge of Family Law. Nothing more than that. No abuse, violence, criminal charges... Nothing.
After coming to my senses and understanding Family Law, I've been working for several years to try to mediate a more fair and long-term agreement that can work for the long-term.
I successfully argued for more access and lower child support in front of several judges, and the last judge told us to mediate the final details ourselves so it's not left to the whims of whomever sits on the bench on any given day.
We attended mediation and hammered out an agreement that seemed to work (in the way that we were equally unsatisfied with it). And then she informed me that she no longer wanted to pay for the mediator and that we should finalize everything ourselves.
That was 18 months ago.
In the obvious Lucy-pulling-the-football-away-from-Charlie-Brown way, she began waffling about signing the agreement, not liking little details and generally delaying and ignoring things.
When I asked her yesterday if she's just sit down and sign the damned thing, she flatly told me "no", because she needs a "safety net" and likes the security of knowing that she can just call up FRO and start collecting outstanding child support (we agreed that my payroll would deposit the support into her account automatically), meaning that she never suspended her FRO case file, and every month I go deeper into arrears even though she's collecting money.
So here's where I am now:
- I'm a single Father trying to support myself and two children whom I have 10 nights a month.
- I live in a small apartment that isn't big enough for 3 people, and while I'm on file with FRO I can't get a mortgage anyway.
- FRO hasn't contacted me yet, but by my calculations I'm probably $10,000 in arrears on the books.
- I've just wasted 18 months on mediation that was done in bad faith on her side.
- I have to find some sort of way to pay my lawyer and basically start everything over again. And again... By the time it gets to a Judge, I could very well go back to paying the full table amount, which would send me down the road to complete poverty.
So... Obviously I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, I don't enjoy anything about life anymore and at 41 years old I don't see a lot of options for the future.
The sad part is that I have a wonderful partner who is loving and supportive and earns a massive amount of money... But she has two young sons who are having a hard time getting over her divorce, so moving in with her just is not going to happen.
I've seen the statistics about men in my exact situation, and I'll be honest with you when I say that I've thought long and hard about just ending it all before my children have to see me hit rock bottom.
So here's what I'm asking:
I DON'T WANT to hear anyone to give me the speeches about why I shouldn't kill myself. I don't want to kill myself.
I DO WANT to hear from anyone who's gone through this (or knows someone who's gone through this) and if they managed to bounce back by themselves. Or anything that helped get out of the spiral. Or any mistakes they made that should be avoided. Or ANYTHING to help reverse this.
Please remember that I'm not independently wealthy and I'm on my own here. No family or friends will be factored into how I can make this any better.
Thanks for reading, folks.
My split was just a "bad luck" situation. Cheating wife, mediocre lawyer and my complete lack of knowledge of Family Law. Nothing more than that. No abuse, violence, criminal charges... Nothing.
After coming to my senses and understanding Family Law, I've been working for several years to try to mediate a more fair and long-term agreement that can work for the long-term.
I successfully argued for more access and lower child support in front of several judges, and the last judge told us to mediate the final details ourselves so it's not left to the whims of whomever sits on the bench on any given day.
We attended mediation and hammered out an agreement that seemed to work (in the way that we were equally unsatisfied with it). And then she informed me that she no longer wanted to pay for the mediator and that we should finalize everything ourselves.
That was 18 months ago.
In the obvious Lucy-pulling-the-football-away-from-Charlie-Brown way, she began waffling about signing the agreement, not liking little details and generally delaying and ignoring things.
When I asked her yesterday if she's just sit down and sign the damned thing, she flatly told me "no", because she needs a "safety net" and likes the security of knowing that she can just call up FRO and start collecting outstanding child support (we agreed that my payroll would deposit the support into her account automatically), meaning that she never suspended her FRO case file, and every month I go deeper into arrears even though she's collecting money.
So here's where I am now:
- I'm a single Father trying to support myself and two children whom I have 10 nights a month.
- I live in a small apartment that isn't big enough for 3 people, and while I'm on file with FRO I can't get a mortgage anyway.
- FRO hasn't contacted me yet, but by my calculations I'm probably $10,000 in arrears on the books.
- I've just wasted 18 months on mediation that was done in bad faith on her side.
- I have to find some sort of way to pay my lawyer and basically start everything over again. And again... By the time it gets to a Judge, I could very well go back to paying the full table amount, which would send me down the road to complete poverty.
So... Obviously I'm not sleeping, I'm not eating, I don't enjoy anything about life anymore and at 41 years old I don't see a lot of options for the future.
The sad part is that I have a wonderful partner who is loving and supportive and earns a massive amount of money... But she has two young sons who are having a hard time getting over her divorce, so moving in with her just is not going to happen.
I've seen the statistics about men in my exact situation, and I'll be honest with you when I say that I've thought long and hard about just ending it all before my children have to see me hit rock bottom.
So here's what I'm asking:
I DON'T WANT to hear anyone to give me the speeches about why I shouldn't kill myself. I don't want to kill myself.
I DO WANT to hear from anyone who's gone through this (or knows someone who's gone through this) and if they managed to bounce back by themselves. Or anything that helped get out of the spiral. Or any mistakes they made that should be avoided. Or ANYTHING to help reverse this.
Please remember that I'm not independently wealthy and I'm on my own here. No family or friends will be factored into how I can make this any better.
Thanks for reading, folks.
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