3 years and done!!

[Thomas]

After $43,000 in legal fees(no kids!!!)
Loosing my home, my cottage, my business all my RRSPs, and being through criminal court after she assaulted me ...it was a haul.

Now I am free, but... now I deal with how it has changed me,
I am cynical, have no patience, untrusting , expect the worst.

I am stronger but now have to recapture alot of the pleasant personality traits I had to ditch in order to survive.

Good luck everyone.

[takeontheworld]

Congrats? Sounds odd. Unfortunately, some people have to go into survival mode and can bring out some unpleasant traits in us. But...heres to you getting your groove back.

[Gilligan]

Best of luck to you... hopefully you can let that behind you and start a new chapter in your life. Things I've always kept in mind is that you shouldn't punish a future partner for the actions of a bitter ex. It's no way to live.

Good luck to you, I'm sure it wasn't easy, but this part should be much better.

[Pursuinghappiness]

So a bad marriage and divorce took too much of your past...don't let it take your future.

Happiness is a choice and its a lot easier to choose it after a crappy marriage. You only get one life....live it well.

[arabian]

Thomas - sorry to hear about all that money in the hands of other people.

Remember that you and your ex are likely different people now. Changed from who the two of you were when you married.

If you can reflect upon all the good times the two of you had, in my experience it definitely helps with moving forward. Positive energy etc.....

While my ex was and still is an ahole I certainly don't hate him. He's not worth the energy it takes to hate someone.

Move on, don't look back except to have a chuckle or two about how stupid you were in your youth.

Time does help.

[wretchedotis]

After $43,000 in legal fees(no kids!!!)
Loosing my home, my cottage, my business all my RRSPs, and being through criminal court after she assaulted me ...it was a haul.

Now I am free, but... now I deal with how it has changed me,
I am cynical, have no patience, untrusting , expect the worst.

I am stronger but now have to recapture alot of the pleasant personality traits I had to ditch in order to survive.

Good luck everyone.

It'll get better, I promise.

I really like 'Thomas' as a name btw.

Dunno why.... Thomas the Tank Engine comes to mind, maybe?

To me, 'Thomas' is a strong name. Similar to 'Clark'.

Does that makes sense?

[Rioe]

Freedom is liberating, and you will find a new you that you can be proud of.

I think it was Stripes who said that she got out of the marriage with her biggest asset untouched - earning potential. What you have lost is material. What you have gained is irreplaceable.

[arabian]

to hate is to give someone too much power over you

when you can lose the hate you will feel truly liberated

[Mother]

So a bad marriage and divorce took too much of your past...don't let it take your future.

Happiness is a choice and its a lot easier to choose it after a crappy marriage. You only get one life....live it well.

I couldn't say it better myself!

I imagine you went through living Hell but it's over now. No matter how stupit it sounds but time heals the deepest wounds. Just please chose to be happy. It's the best you can do for yourself. It's over and it's just the beginning. You survived.

If you feel like it, come here from time to time, help others who is still travelling this route with your advise. I am sure you have tons of it and we will be very greateful for your help. We can and will support you too if needed.

Be strong! The best of luck!

[arabian]

Thomas - it would be particularly interesting to get your input on how, if you could do the process over, one could avoid paying 43k in legal fees.

The only thing I would say is to limit the amount of correspondence the lawyers get into.

What would be the biggest legal expenditure you had? (trial, correspondence, useless conferences, etc.)

[Pursuinghappiness]

I imagine you went through living Hell but it's over now. No matter how stupit it sounds but time heals the deepest wounds. Just please chose to be happy. It's the best you can do for yourself. It's over and it's just the beginning. You survived.

I think a lot of people come out of divorce extremely damaged. Its unfortunate. Either they take a very long time to get out of it...or they're permanently harmed. There's a lot of extremely angry, bitter people walking around.

To the OP, have you thought about therapy? A lot of people on here swear by it to get over divorce trauma.

[Mother]

I think a lot of people come out of divorce extremely damaged. Its unfortunate. Either they take a very long time to get out of it...or they're permanently harmed. There's a lot of extremely angry, bitter people walking around.

To the OP, have you thought about therapy? A lot of people on here swear by it to get over divorce trauma.

Very true but still a person can do a lot to be happy regardless of what had happened. It's not easy but what choice do we have...?

[Pursuinghappiness]

Very true but still a person can do a lot to be happy regardless of what had happened. It's not easy but what choice do we have...?

Funny, I've found it extremely easy once I actually was able to leave the marital home but I know that's unusual.

The worst aftermath of divorce for me has being feeling a bit like I can't help my D manage the difficult relationship she has with my ex. There's very little I can do since I'm not physically present to provide a barrier for his anger issues. But she's getting old enough that she'll eventually decide what she wants to do about that without my help. I think its fairly common for people escaping bad marriages to feel like they've thrown their kids to the wolves in a sense.

Other than that...getting away from my marriage has been awesome. If you come out of it financially well, that helps a lot too. I consider myself lucky every single day. I think you're right, its all a mindset.

[Mother]

Simple really....be less irrational during the hard times, put your emotions aside, and accept that it's over. i.e. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill, and if there are kids involved, put them first...not one's personal pie in the sky wet dreams

Meditation? Hypnosis?

[Pursuinghappiness]

Meditation? Hypnosis?

I go to massage therapy. Its a lovely treat.

And I just made an appointment for acupuncture. I figured I'd try it since its covered on my health plan. I injured my rotator cuff a couple years back and from time to time, I can still feel it. But I've heard acupuncture can help relieve many things.

In general, its a good idea to take care of your health during and after the whole process. Its easy to get sick when you're under a lot of stress.