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Answering the tricky questions

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  • #1
    I think you have to taylor the response to the situation.

    My ex gave all the gory details, from her perspective.

    I decided not to go that route, stick to the high road, and explain that things happen in relationships, people grow apart, fall out of love, become unhappy. My kids are all teens. They have seen some of their friends go through bad breakups. Thats enough to start.


    • #2
      Originally posted by oink View Post
      So on the weekend, I was playing with D5 in the livingroom when all of a sudden, just out of nowhere he asked...."How come some families only have 2 people i.e dad and kid / mum and kid" ?
      She is just observing the world around her. What she sees on t.v, at school, her friends families, etc.

      I wouldn't read anything into it.

      I actually think this is a very good thing. Shows that they are learning and are comfortable asking you anything, Especially if your response is not judgemental.

      Lots of age appropriate kids books at the library that deal with all kinds of different families.


      • #3
        It is so hard to answer the questions.

        My D8 said "I know Dad doesn't want to be married to you anymore Mom but why doesn't he still want to live with us? How can he choose to be at G/F's house instead of being part of our family?" All she can see is that he wants a divorce more than he wants to be with them. That he doesn't want to work it out or try harder for their sake because they aren't important enough. It is very hard to explain his choices to them.

        I almost wish we had fought bitterly in front of the kids while we were still married. At least they could understand better. Instead we never did and always told the kids that problems could be worked out with kindness and love and communication. They believed and trusted in that.

        It hit them from so far out of left field. To them staying together for the kids is better because they never saw their lives as full of conflict before the separation. All they saw is that Daddy was home and their lives were intact.
        Last edited by SadAndTired; 04-23-2013, 03:50 PM.


        • #4
          I just explain that there are all kinds of families... kind of like that scene from "Mrs. Doubtfire". lol.

          I just say, some families live in the same house, some kids are lucky and have more than 1 house, and some kids live with Grandmas, or Uncles, etc. They seem good with that.

          I've had my S6 tell me, it would be cool if I moved in with Mommy, and her new husband. lol.

          As of late, I keep dealing with questions/comments from D4 (different Mom), about "Mommy says I only have 1 home, and Daddy's house is not my home." Friggin ridiculous. When she first brought this up, she was upset about it, because Mom is preaching this to her, and it sounds like the other "household members" are instructing her too (the new boyfriend, and one of the other brothers, who likely does not know better).

          "Mommy says I only visit Daddy."

          D4 is smart though, and I asked her how many beds she has? 2. How many bedrooms does she have? 2. Hmm... it sounds like you have 2 homes to me. D4: "I think so too."

          Her more recent comments when she brings this up now, are more like:

          "I'm not sure why Mommy freaks out, when I say I have 2 homes. I have 2 homes". And it hasn't been "upset" comments now.


          • #5
            Originally posted by oink View Post
            I have said it before and am going to say it again.....I personally have no intentions of bad-mouthing / thrashing my stbx to our son (S5) now or in the future. I am not going to stoop that low

            S5 is too clever for his age, and he will not need me to figure out what he needs to know about either of us. I am glad the child of the marriage is a boy, so stbx won't be able to drag S5 down the path she took her daughter D17 by trying to be a friend (talking about who is hot, painting nails and makeup, hair dresser visits etc) as oppose to a mother. Point am making is that it's different with boys
            Oh, c'mon! I have no interest whatsoever in spending time painting my nails (but they do get done).

            I spend my time with my children kicking up white powder on a snowmachine, hiking through the woods looking for bear scat, canoeing through the black spruce and cedars....I could go on.....does that somehow make me less of a mother???

            Sheesh, from a guy who proudly proclaims capabilities in laundry duty/cooking and in the same vein, professes to be at the short end of the gender stick...........yet you use gender to diss parent/child activities as somehow less that good quality parent bonding.


            • #6
              Neither of us witness to Oink's life or know his ex. I would point out that he was describing something that he witnessed happening between the ex and the older daughter, not making general comment about gender.

              Yes, I notice Oink occasionally drifts toward generalizations about gender. At the same time, just because you aren't Paris Hilton doesn't mean she doesn't exist.


              • #7
                When d8 was younger she had a lot of questions about our family - her dad tried to tell her that her step dad was not part of her family. He's great like that - so I bought a really great book by Todd Parr called the Family Book. It talks about all different types of families and sparked conversation about what kind of family we have. She loves that book and read it over and over again. And after that she seemed to become much more comfortable with the situation as a whole. I think because she had a better understanding of where everyone fit in.

                Her dad has a gf that lives with them and basically does everything for our girls when they are at his house but he refuses to acknowledge that she is 'family' or promote the respect that she deserves. That's his choice but it makes me very sad.


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