Forgiveness and getting rid of anger

[DowntroddenDad]

Three months after separation, my middle daughter had an "adult" baptism. Now this was at a church where my ex was involved with long term, after leaving the church where I had a part time position. So while I knew some people there, it was not a friendly environment. Added to that my former inlaws were also in town for the event.

I went to the baptism, and the reception in the church hall afterwards. I also joined them at a restaurant for lunch as well.

Were my ex and I getting along at that point? Not at all. But we both agreed that our child wanted both of us there, and she should have her wish. It really should be that simple.

[frustratedwithex]

About a year and a half after we separated, one of our children graduated high school.

Although my ex would not sit with me and our other children, even though we saved seats for him and the grandparents, after the ceremony we all gathered together to take pictures. I think in part because I approached him and his parents together with our children.

We were pleasant to each other, I spoke to his parents, my family spoke to him and his parents, we took pictures.

As we were getting ready to leave, my daughter took me aside and asked if it would be okay if her dad and the grandparents joined us for dinner. I said yes. She asked me to go over and invite them personally, I did, they accepted, and we all went out for dinner together. The kids seemed very relieved.

2 years after this event, another child graduated high school and my ex. told her he would not sit in the same room and breath the same air as me. I can tell you this was very upsetting for her. We did attend and sit together at the ceremony and dinner, but I can tell you it was much more stressful for all.

[DowntroddenDad]

2 years after this event, another child graduated high school and my ex. told her he would not sit in the same room and breath the same air as me. I can tell you this was very upsetting for her. We did attend and sit together at the ceremony and dinner, but I can tell you it was much more stressful for all.

Thats really sad and selfish of him.

[hadenough]

DTdad is right. It would be one night, and mean a lot to the child. Totally selfish and vindictive to not attend.

[wretchedotis]

These type of things should be looked as an opportunity.

An opportunity to spend some time with your kids (whom we all love), and the 'enemy'.

There is no rule anywhere I have found that you cannot commiserate with the ex. I think if one can bring themself to do it, it might be very rewarding.

A chance to be reminded of the little things we have forgotten that made you laugh or smirk about the other person. How they always look a fool by chewing with their mouth open - or something similar.

Of course, you don't point it out in the moment. You just enjoy it, and remember why you're no longer together.

It's all about attitude people! What you put in is what you get out.

There is only one person that can make such an event intolerable. That responsability rests solely on each our own shoulders'.