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**AshleyManor** · 11-30-2011, 01:07 AM

Can Someone tell me what all these colours of envelopes mean?
(I'm already stressed) LOL And I do not see a legend for them!

AND...Can someone help me with viewing NEW INFO?
I'm not interested in Posts from 1995...(Not Really...But, I would still like to read them!)
HOW CAN I View New Information being posted?

Thank You Again!
ASHLEY, M

**blinkandimgone** · 11-30-2011, 07:30 AM

Use the 'new posts' button in the menu at the top, in the middle. Use the blue 'V' button right before the thread title to take you to the newest posts in a thread.

Ise the FAQ button to get answers to more forum questions.

Ottawa Divorce .com Forums - FAQ

**Mess** · 11-30-2011, 08:29 AM

When you get questions about why you should be entitled to anything, it isn't about attacking you (or shouldn't be.) These are questions you will have to face in your negotiations and if you go to court, and you have to have clear ideas and reasons, and have to be able to structure them in a logical, point by point manner.

Did you have children with him? You said blended family, did you have your own children? Did his children live with you? He was paying support for them, what was his access schedule with his own children? Are you receiving support from the biological father of your children?

You referred to your relationship as "marriage", were you married to him or was it a common law relationship?

The rules for CPP are federal and with common law you may have your CPP equalized. If he earned more than you over the years this will add to your CPP.

As to anything else, items purchased by you, or purchased jointly should be split, he shouldn't just leave with them. You should make a list and make an estimate of their current worth. For example look on Craigslist for items for sale that are similar to yours. Print out the ads, if you end up in court over it you won't want to go back and repeat all the work in order to have factual support for the value of the items.

"We purchased the home", who's name is on the title, whose name is on the mortgage, who paid for the down payments, who pays for the repairs, renovations, taxes, utilities and insurance? If the house is in his name, paid for by him, then it is his, but if you made contributions to the home over the years you may total the amount and ask to be reimbursed. Balance this idea with the idea that you would otherwise have had to pay for your own housing. So how much value did you gain by having somewhere to live, compared to how much you contributed. Be honest with yourself and fair, because he will argue against you.

This isn't about justifying yourself to us, it is about sorting out your issues and being able to present them in a logical, factual manner that applies to the law.

**drunkmunky** · 03-03-2012, 04:05 PM

Common Law Separation requires assistance

sorry. wrong post

**AshleyManor** · 03-14-2012, 12:47 AM

Hi Again!

Out of Sorts..
My Mother is Very ILL and perhaps 3 weeks..

AND This Court stuff does not go away. !!

MESS..
We bought the homes in Both our names.

I bought him out already.

NOW the Lawyer I had for 4.4 YEARS...has retired.

I, Picked him because of his expertise in 35 years in law!!

SO, My CRATES of files....have been moved to another lawyer within the firm. SO, This Lawyer has no information. (meaning history)

WHAT???? I have already spent over $25,000.
I cannot pay for this lawyer to back track and read the history??

SO, In 2 weeks, I will be without council.
I have an outstanding invoice.

Needs to be paid and New Lawyer wants a $3,000.00 retainer.

BUT...AND...I've talked about this.
I'm not starting over again.............But she will need to go into my backlog.

ALL SUCKS!!

Thanks!
ASHLEY

**Mess** · 03-14-2012, 09:11 AM

You've already bought him out of the house, apparently that is settled.

In common law, assets are not shared. His pension is his pension, his savings are his savings. That is the law.

You need to settle the custody of the children, and if you have them primarily (over 60%) he should be paying full child support. The child support isn't really arguable, it is based on income and the percent of access.

You say you "just lost alimony of $1000 per month", this is a vague sentence that doesn't give us nearly enough information to make a meaningful comment.

"The judge said..." If you have been to court and the judge "said" or ruled anything, in most situations you are done. If this was a preliminary conference, the judge's comments should be taken seriously, there is no point in fighting a losing battle in court.

You should know your own case as well as your lawyer does; it is your life. Sort out your files and prepare a summary and bring your new lawyer up to speed. The reason it will cost $25k is if you just dump it on their desk and expect them to figure it out.

No offense, but if you are as vague with your lawyer as you are with your posts here, you are setting yourself up to be paying huge legal bills. You are adding hours and hours of work for your lawyer to do if you can't sort things out in logical order and make a clear summary.

**AshleyManor** · 03-14-2012, 10:19 AM

~Common Law~~

Thank you for your reply!

We met in 1993...he was just going through a separation and I had just gone through a death of my former spouse.

This was his second marriage, both ending the same way. He had a drinking problem and and drug problem. He was paying support for 2 children, 1 from each of his prior marriages. I had one son.

We dated 2 years and we decided to purchase a house together in 95. His income was minimal after he paid 1,000 a month in support to his children. He did put down the deposit on our home.

From 95 until 2004 I worked 2 jobs and also had an online business, he was my business partner. He climbed the ladder in his profession to make over 100,000 when we separated. I paid all the bills for the first couple of years as I had/have a CPP pension from my former spouse, and I received an orphan benefit also for my son.

My husband continued to drink in excess and also got back into the drugs. He was very functional. The support ended for his first son but he was still paying support for his second son up until the end of 2005. His son was almost 20 and had quit school at 16. We paid for his cell phones and all kinds of courses he wanted to take. My husband also paid for his haircuts...clothing..gave him an allowance..paid for his car insurance etc. This was a huge part of our arguments. He did not want to work and these monies were on top of the support of $900.00 per month. My son had a paper route and saved money from the time he was 8. He did excellent in school..went to college and worked part time and supported himself since he was about 17-18. My son lived with my husband and I.

When the support ended for his second son, his Mother sent him to live with us. He was still unemployed...not interested in school..could not keep a job. So, we were still supporting him. He did not have to pay rent or car insurance..nothing. These were again, our arguments.

Through our relationship, My husband had always said when the support ended I would not have to work anymore.
2005 I was home looking after our home and all the people coming and going. His son was also into drugs. I had to monitor where the cars where etc. I was basically a babysitter now for our home.

My husband said I did not need to have savings or RRSP's as he had enough for us for our retirement. Even though we had problems, we both said that divorce was not an option.
He hit me in 2007 (not the first time) but this time he actually cut my lip and hit me in front of his son (argument was over his son) He decided to look for an apartment the next day for him and his son.

He left our home, took whatever he wanted as I just thought he would quite drinking and come to his senses.
He left me with no money, froze our Line of credit (which I think was proper) but he did not financially look after me. My son was just ending his last year of college and was still working.
My husband did pay the mortgage and car insurance etc as these were both in our names.
I went into a deep depression and went down to 90lbs. He even took our phone number..
We then started seeing lawyers. I was behind in our books and I did our 2 years of taxes. Because he was my business partner and had the higher income, he always got the refund in his name. SO, he also kept those monies which equaled over $8,000. He wanted the house sold....which this was our second home we just purchased in Oct 06. He left Sept 07. I did contract work from home to make some income and my son helped out with bills etc. I went back to work as a waitress in June 08...but missed many days of work from depression..court dates etc. My son was done college and had just got a job in his field full time. I did not receive alimony until October 08. With that court order and our incomes, I was able to purchase our home and pay him. I had to keep the real estate because at now 51, that is all I had.
Of course he had criminal charges for hitting me and property damages for putting his fist through the wall above my head. We were going through family court with no communication as that was part of the bond. The Judge dismissed his charges at trial, even though there was a 4 page hand written letter in his own hand writing stating the previous times he had hit me etc. (Was a blessing really, because he probably would have lost his job..and I would have lost the house)

We have been in court motion after motion. In 09 he lost his job after 31 years but received a huge settlement which had to be turned into RRSP. He received his same salary as well until 2011. In 2011, the Judge reduced my alimony by $800.00 because he was unemployed. Yet has almost $900,000 in assets. I am still very depressed and see a psychiatrist. I have panic attacks and high anxiety. I have phobias which also keep me sort of house bound.

I need to get out of this court system. I have spent over $25,000 and owe the firm $8,000. I put in an offer to settle. He came back with one I will not accept.

He is now working in management again. His last financial shows he his still maintaining his son. Drugs...entertainment...clothing....dental etc. His son is almost 26 now. I have none of this anymore.

I feel totally ripped off. I feel I was just a vehicle to help him pay support and maintain our homes. I feel he owes me some of his pension pay out. He was paying into this while we were together for the 12 years. I have always been in the service industry so I have nothing. I relied on him for our retirement. I think there is some unjust enrichment, yet the Judge said I had abandon that issue back in 2008. My lawyer did not tell me I had 30 days to appeal this. I'm really mad at that.
I cannot afford my Lawyer fees anymore. I want to go back and have the alimony increased as he is now working.
I was reading about the estoppel law. I'm just not sure what to do next. I really feel ripped off and used. I am now 55 and I have a business from home. My sales are going in the right direction but with depression..they are not increasing the way they should be.

I do have documents of me paying all the bills in our earlier years. I have his pay Stubs from that era..and our taxes as I have to keep those files.

There's a bit more information for you Mess!!
Thank You!!

**Pursuinghappiness** · 03-14-2012, 10:20 AM

Holy crapcrackers...its the female version of ddol1 only slightly less scatterbrained, self-centered, entitled, and whiny. Where is my violin?

AshleyManor:

Forgive my criticism but everyone on this forum (and on the planet) deals with stressful life situations that seem to escalate exponentially when going through separation and divorce. In fact, someone should do a study on the alignment of planets during these situations which seem to lead to a total daily clusterf**k for everyone in the middle of family court.

Everyone notices an increase in normal life problems...everyone's being treated like crap by their ex...and everyone's broke.

You are not unique or special, neither is your situation. This is divorce.

Divorce is harsh lesson in taking the emotion and blame out of your situation and looking at it from a 3rd party angle. This is a very good place to get that type of help but you need to separate out the irrelevant facts from the relevant and post actual information.

If you want to whine about how hard you have it...unlike your lawyer, its free...but its probably also an equally useless colossal waste of your time.

Sorry to be harsh, I haven't had my coffee yet. But it is the truth.

Take a deep breath, gather your thoughts and in the words of Jerry Maguire, let us help you.

**AshleyManor** · 03-14-2012, 10:31 AM

~~Common Law~~

Just posted some in depth information.

Don't be toooo critical...I'm very depressed and my Mother has 1-3 weeks to live as well.

Thank You For Your Comments!

**Pursuinghappiness** · 03-14-2012, 10:41 AM

I feel totally ripped off. I feel I was just a vehicle to help him pay support and maintain our homes. I feel he owes me some of his pension pay out...

Through our relationship, My husband had always said when the support ended I would not have to work anymore...
My husband said I did not need to have savings or RRSP's as he had enough for us for our retirement. Even though we had problems, we both said that divorce was not an option...

How you feel is unfortunate but totally irrelevant. What he said or promised during your relationship is interesting but totally irrelevant.

In fact, 90% of your post was irrelevant. This is the reason why your legal bill is so high.

Were you actually married or commonlaw? Referring to him as your husband doesn't convey that fact.

Did you file a police report after the incidences of alleged physical abuse? You mention them but it did you take any action?

Again, you can whine all day...or you can actually get information which may help you in legal action.

**Pursuinghappiness** · 03-14-2012, 10:45 AM

AshleyManor:

If you're here for sympathy, you have mine...especially for your mother.

Is that what you're here for?

**Pursuinghappiness** · 03-14-2012, 11:33 AM

Of course he had criminal charges for hitting me and property damages for putting his fist through the wall above my head. We were going through family court with no communication as that was part of the bond. The Judge dismissed his charges at trial, even though there was a 4 page hand written letter in his own hand writing stating the previous times he had hit me etc.

Sorry just sorted this out of all the stuff you wrote. So the charges were already dismissed.

You both have older children from previous relationships that are now adults so you are not eligible for child support.

My son was done college and had just got a job in his field full time. I did not receive alimony until October 08. With that court order and our incomes, I was able to purchase our home and pay him.

Through court, the marital home and other asset division has already been determined. You also received an order for spousal support.

In 09 he lost his job after 31 years but received a huge settlement which had to be turned into RRSP.

In 2011, the Judge reduced my alimony by $800.00 because he was unemployed. Yet has almost $900,000 in assets.

He received these funds after separation and it sounds like you've already requested some payment from these during previous motions. You were denied correct?

Spousal support has nothing to do with how many assets you think he now has. Those funds are handled in the equalization which is determined by your assets from marriage date to separation date (from years ago since you said you've been in court from 2008...its now 2012).

For instance, if you won the lottery today, would you think its fair if he got half of it or took you to court to get spousal support?

His last financial shows he his still maintaining his son. Drugs...entertainment...clothing....dental etc. His son is almost 26 now. I have none of this anymore.

You're not entitled to it either.

I need to get out of this court system. I have spent over $25,000 and owe the firm $8,000. I put in an offer to settle. He came back with one I will not accept.

If you need to get out of the legal system, you have to stop thinking you're special and entitled to something you aren't and actually accept a reasonable offer to settle. Your version of "reasonable" based on your post is probably very very far away from reality. You are not entitled due to your medical situation, your mother's health, the fact that he promised you things during marriage, the abuse allegations, his drinking, etc,etc, etc. Take another look at the financial disclosure in your divorce papers...that's how the court determines what you're entitled to.

I think there is some unjust enrichment, yet the Judge said I had abandon that issue back in 2008. My lawyer did not tell me I had 30 days to appeal this. I'm really mad at that.
I cannot afford my Lawyer fees anymore. I want to go back and have the alimony increased as he is now working.

What you think doesn't matter...what you feel doesn't matter. The question is how many times do you want to go to court to try to get something that the judge is telling you don't deserve before you just stop the madness and get on with your life.

You have a business and it sounds like you're working hard. In my opinion, that's wonderful and what you should continue to do. You've gotten equalization and termed spousal support...sounds fair to me.

At 55 years old, forgive me but its time for you to cut the umbical cord to your ex and get a life. The empowerment in taking care of yourself might also assist in your depressive state. Living like a dependent on someone else because you're too scared to put on your big girl panties and become independent isn't going to help you.

You have an irrational sense of being special and being owed something that you don't deserve. You've obviously been told this by the court and your own lawyer. The power to stop going to (and dragging your poor ex) into court is ENTIRELY in your hands.

**NBDad** · 03-14-2012, 12:03 PM

Holy wall of crap batman.

Jesus...where to begin?

Let's start with the easy stuff shall we:

1. I put in an offer to settle. He came back with one I will not accept.

What were the terms of those offers?

2. WERE YOU ACTUALLY MARRIED TO HIS ASS OR WERE YOU COMMON LAW????

3. Are you still receiving spousal support? How much does he currently make? How much do you currently make?

**Pursuinghappiness** · 03-14-2012, 12:07 PM

Holy wall of crap batman.

Jesus...where to begin?

lmao...just snorted my coffee. Do you have any idea how much that burns?

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