She has agreed to mediation

[HammerDad]

Thanks Hammer, thoughts on the rest?

I've said before what you should be doing, which is do what you have to do to either a) get her to pay her portion of the house and to get her to either a) buy you out of the house or b) force the sale of the house.

Personally, I would give notice that effective X date you are only paying your portion of the mortgage, debts and paying guideline child support. From there, she has to determine how she is to live. You've paid it for 17+ months, how long do you have to give her to get off her butt and start making her share of the contributions.

[MAC-JMJ]

I've said before what you should be doing, which is do what you have to do to either a) get her to pay her portion of the house and to get her to either a) buy you out of the house or b) force the sale of the house.

Personally, I would give notice that effective X date you are only paying your portion of the mortgage, debts and paying guideline child support. From there, she has to determine how she is to live. You've paid it for 17+ months, how long do you have to give her to get off her butt and start making her share of the contributions.

That is what I am saying, the only way for me to afford it plus tighten things up enough for her is to not pay my half of the mortgage and only pay 50% of the debts + full CS.

I was looking for your insight around this theory

[Rioe]

I wonder what would happen if you started paying her CS minus her half of the mortgage? Documented properly, it won't look like you are trying to avoid your CS obligation, and that way you can be assured of the full mortgage amount being paid to avoid any hit to your credit rating. This might encourage her to settle the house issue faster too, either buy you or put it on the market.

[MAC-JMJ]

I wonder what would happen if you started paying her CS minus her half of the mortgage? Documented properly, it won't look like you are trying to avoid your CS obligation, and that way you can be assured of the full mortgage amount being paid to avoid any hit to your credit rating. This might encourage her to settle the house issue faster too, either buy you or put it on the market.

Hi RIOE,

the problem that I am facing is that my mortgage for the month is $2020 and CS would be approx $1400. So even if I pay my half and subtract her half from the CS table she would still be able to easily maintain the monthly payments. Now giving her the $1400 and asking her to pay the $2020, that is a different story. I really have no other options and as the lawyer told me I allowed this to happen for the last 17 months, so it needs to end.

[get-your-game-on]

Hello MAC-JMJ...I have been reading your story and wow do I feel for you. Word of advise..medation doesn't always work. If I was in your shoes, I would make her file for Child Care Subsidy for the daycare. As far as the home, I would have a order to force her to sell the house with your approval on everything.ie..listing agent, $ amount, time it would be listed..
Do you have a court order? If so, what is the date on it? Are you from Ont?

[MAC-JMJ]

Hello MAC-JMJ...I have been reading your story and wow do I feel for you. Word of advise..medation doesn't always work. If I was in your shoes, I would make her file for Child Care Subsidy for the daycare. As far as the home, I would have a order to force her to sell the house with your approval on everything.ie..listing agent, $ amount, time it would be listed..
Do you have a court order? If so, what is the date on it? Are you from Ont?

Thanks for the response!

I definitely understand what others have mentioned about mediation as for it to truly work, both parties have to have taken all emotion out of things. I am in Ontario and when I went to get legal advice, I was basically told that because of the length of time that this situation has gone on (that I have allowed this to go on, from lawyer) even if a motion was filed, which they are minimum 3 months behind here, they would not see this as urgent and well as I was told, may not exactly happen the way I want it too. This is why I am looking for other options which is sad because I keep feeling this guilt since my kids live in that home.

I am hoping that I can give 30 days notice and just let her know I will be paying full child support only + 50% of debts as it is hard for me to go on with my life or get out of this negative financial situation that I am in.

I like the subsidy idea but I was told that she has recently gone back to work FT, so I am not sure if she would then qualify.

Thanks again for taking the time to post.

[get-your-game-on]

trust me, she can file for subsidy and chances are she will get it. As far as someone telling you that it is to late or it the status quo, they need to stop giving you negative advise. You know the old saying, if you want something bad enough then go get it. same goes for your kids. My brother is in the same situation and I got him week about, no CS or SS. I went with him to his appointments to the lawyer office and told the lawyer what he wanted, not what the lawyer can do for him. This is your time..
Does it say in your order that you have to pay the house hold dept?

[MAC-JMJ]

trust me, she can file for subsidy and chances are she will get it. As far as someone telling you that it is to late or it the status quo, they need to stop giving you negative advise. You know the old saying, if you want something bad enough then go get it. same goes for your kids. My brother is in the same situation and I got him week about, no CS or SS. I went with him to his appointments to the lawyer office and told the lawyer what he wanted, not what the lawyer can do for him. This is your time..
Does it say in your order that you have to pay the house hold dept?

No court order, we have just seperated and have verbally agreed to debts but she could not afford the mortgage so I have been paying full instead of CS (mortgage is $700 more) but I cannot keep this up. As for legal, too much retainer + court retainer for me to go after my kids

[MAC-JMJ]

WOW, so I got served court documents yesterday. She is going for Sole custody, backdated CS + Spousal support retroactive from our date of seperation October 2009, Support for my 3 kids (which I have no problem paying) but she is also asking for support on her 16 year old who she already receives $600/month on. Exclusive possession of the home + sale of the home, all costs associated for this. For her Financial Summary she is using her now adjusted CTC because she is back to work on a short contract and stating that I switched my pay back in December + haven;t been following week end arrangements.

I am so FFFFFNNNNG mad right now. #1) She is causing on going financial problems that bth of us cannot afford.

#2) I have been paying the full mortgage + taxes + 50% of debt + most of the utilities till April 2011 where as now I pay the mortgage taxes + 50% of debt while she and my kids live in the home.

I sent an e-mail late May letting her know that as of June I would stop paying mortgage + taxes and pay my full CS time table amount (as I cannot keep living like this) Paying full CS is actually cheaper for me.

FML, what a greedy you know what. She is acting like we have millions of dollars here. Now I am forced to hire a lawyer and pay as well.

Can I stop this from going to court before hand if I start trying to do a separation agreement?

Am I going to get F'd over here? Sorry for the vent, this is just unreal how someone can feel so entitled. Please help.