Preventing...

[jholmes832]

Hello,
I am not sure on how to start, but must say, I am in desperate need of some advice.

My storie:

I have recently ended (once again and for the last time) a 10 yr relationship with my 8 yr old son's mother. It was a relationship that was filled with arguments and stress that has been layed upon my son numerous times and I deaply regret this. That is why I left. She puts her stress on him, she doesn't think twice of fighting (yelling, saying nasty things to me in front of him) with him present. The reason I am posting is that she is not letting me see him. I have tried and tried and tried calling her to even just talk with him, but she doesn't anwser the phone or my messages. I have showed up at our house and she has swore at me, ordered my son in the house and this stresses him out. I can see it on his face and hurts me to no end. I have not done anything to her except be honest to her by telling her I do not love her anymore. My absence of feelings for her is something that has happened over many different out bursts of her craziness. She drinks and doesn't think before her actions and this has led to me calling the police a couple of times on her for reasons that were somewhat ridiculous.

Since I have left this time I have recorded a phone call with her that has her saying:

- You and I grew up without a father and my son will too.
- I hope you die, drop dead!
- She even got my son to say he doesn't want to go with.
- He was right there with her freaking out on me and was obviously far more stressed out than an 8yr old should be and would have said anything his mother wanted him to say and I know this. Earlier that day I had picked him up from daycare because I was off work early. We was fine with me and he enjoyed the few hours that we had together. When we're together I do not put my stress on him and try to show him that things will get better.


All of this was spoken with my son within an ear shot and I know he heard it all. I want to get full custody of him and would never deny him to see his mother or brother (from mothers previous common law relationship.) I need to know what I am looking at when I proceed through the courts. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Jamie

[logicalvelocity]

Looks like you have no other alternative than start legal action by bringing forth an Application (minimum access to your child.) Is there any specific reason why your ex wont support your childs access to you such as substantial harm?


lv


P.S. Welcome to the forum!

[billm]

why 'minimum'?. It should be 50/50 at least.

My only concern is the brother. Not sure how to deal with that. If she can be a reasonable parent (legally anyway - I know she sounds not too good but...), then 50/50 may be the best for the child to maintain a relationship with mother and brother.

[dadtotheend]

You left the house because you weren't getting along and it was hurting your child, but you left nonetheless and I'm sorry to say that you a steep uphill climb ahead of you since a status quo has developed which will be entrenched by protracted litigation.

Mom has shown no interest, indeed she has blocked the fostering of a relationship between her child and the father. That is reprehensible and will only get worse unless someone talks some sense into her.

You should strongly consider a request for OCL involvement as part of an emergency (and I do mean emergency - that child is young and is getting seriously screwed up by what you are describing) motion for sole custody. The only way a judge is likely to believe the he said/she said mud slinging that will result from a court application is to have an objective third party make recommendations based on a custody assessment. If what you say about her is true, the drinking, the denial of access, the alienation of the child, the temper outbursts etc will be revealed and will not look good on her.

You could potentially be awarded sole custody out of this, but it will take a serious commitment of emotion, time and money. Think a year or more and tens of thousands of dollars. Your best bet (if Mom can be reasonable) might be to ask for sole custody, but settle for joint custody with shared parenting.

Search in this forum for Office of the Children's Lawyer and do some serious reading. Also call the Law Society of Upper Canada and get a free half hour telephone consultation with a family law lawyer.

Best of luck to you.