Sick with worry - help appreciated -Alberta-

[ScaredforSister]

I am not sure if anyone will be able to provide guidance to what is shaping up to be a hopeless situation.

My sister and her now ex were together for just shy of 10 years, they have 2 kids together and called it quits in March/08, after trying to work things out after he got physical with her in Sept/07. They had bought a house together in between this time together. (Both are listed on the mortgage) Anyway at the time of the split they sat down together and came up with a plan to work everything out as they needed to sell the house (neither could afford it by themselves) they also had joint debt that needed to be paid off. Shortly after they agreed to this (not a written agreement) he began racking up his personal credit cards (to the tune of almost 40k) and decided he no longer wanted to help pay off there joint debt. After maxing out his credit cards he has decided to start dipping into there still joint bank account (mortgage/vehicle payments/insurance/daycare comes out automatically) he has now bled there account dry, to the point of my sister having to borrow money to buy food for the kids, in this time he starting treating the kids horribly, screaming at them, calling them names, being really rough (not sure if it would be classified as child abuse) physically with them, then all of a sudden he stopped coming home, does not answer phone calls from the kids, if he goes there its to call my sister down, break into her personal lock box, go through her purse, show up on her bosses doorstep etc... At one point he told me he was thinking about putting gps into her vehicle, that he had her followed all the way up to the most recent telling her to her face he will do anything and everything to make her life a living hell and to this point has lived up to that. What I would like to know is does she have any options since most recently he just doesnt come home and ignores his kids? Yet continues to put them farther into overdraft?

He told her the other day that he has gotten a lawyer and that he plans on going for 50/50 custody, although not living in the house refuses to give the key back and that his lawyer informed him that even if he is only putting $5 a month towards the mortgage he can come and go into the house as he pleases? How accurate is that? She is scared and doesnt like being in her house, does not trust him. Tried to contact legal aid and was told she makes too much money to qualify (makes around $2500/mnth net) and yet has no money because he spends it faster than it is deposited into the account. She has tried calling different lawyers and the best she was told was $300 initial consultation fee, $2500 upfront retainer and that she is looking at $10,000+ in legal fee's.

Its beginning to seem like a lost cause, I am scared he is going to push my sister off the deep end, it seems she has no options.

I apologize this is so long, I am trying to give a clear of a picture as possible.

Anyone know of anything she can do?

[standing on the sidelines]

She should document what is happening and get a restraining order and an emergency motion for sole custody of the kids. This guy seems to have gone off the deep end. She has to protect herself and the kids> Why in the hell is she still putting her pay into the joint account???? If he has access to it then of course he will bled her dry. She has to open her own account.

Tell her to go to the police right away and file a complaint against the soon to be ex for stalking and for the abuse (sorry but in my eyes what he is doing to the kids is abuse) that she and her kids are suffering.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

I agree, no time to stall, get an order in place ASAP.
She’ll most likely get interim custody, which is good, as a status quo has been established and I do not see 50/50 happening as this is reserved for parents that can get along and focus on the best interest of the children.

As for the harassment, call the cops, and while she is at it change the locks.
He appears to have moved out, so change the locks. Get her own account, talk to the banks right away. They are more likely to be lenient with her if they know her situation. Open a new account have her pay deposited to that account, and maintain the basic bills IE mortgage, utilities etc, then seek help to deal with the overdraft etc in the interim as well. Once she has taken the matter to court she could state that the 40K was post separation and he is to be held accountable, plus she should get bank statements on the WD's from the account since the separation. The banks should be able to document which ATM card made the WD's and this would show his activates and hers.
She needs to move now to make sure things stop spiralling out of control and she looses the house, or worse her sanity

[ScaredforSister]

standing - She was told she couldn't get a restraining order because too much time has passed since the original abuse had taken place, and she could not prove he was having her followed. (It could be a "coincidience")
She has kept the joint bank account because she was told (the bank told her this) she couldn't transfer all the automatic joint withdrawls out of the account without his signing off on it and he won't sign off on it, so she isnt sure what to do. She has opened her own bank account but without being able to transfer everything over she is still stuck, because he blows the money and she doesnt make enough to cover it. The bank doesnt seem very helpful :/
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FL - If she changes the locks can she get in trouble, he has moved in with a friend, is paying rent at another premises but he claims his lawyer said as long as he is putting even $5 towards it he has a right to access the house?
Sorry Im ignorant to most of this and am trying to learn as much as possible to help her, can she file papers on her own without a lawyer? How would she go about doing so? Anything she needs to know before going ahead with that plan? When she talked to a lawyer over the phone he told her because of all the complexities of common law, that she would be better off with a lawyer rather than representing herself so she doesnt file the wrong thing at the wrong time, miss anything and generally put herself into a bigger hole.

Thank you both for your responses, its really appreciated.

[Kimberley]

She has kept the joint bank account because she was told (the bank told her this) she couldn't transfer all the automatic joint withdrawls out of the account without his signing off on it and he won't sign off on it, so she isnt sure what to do. She has opened her own bank account but without being able to transfer everything over she is still stuck, because he blows the money and she doesnt make enough to cover it. The bank doesnt seem very helpful

This is false. My ex & I had a joint account, and he had a savings that linked from the joint which automatically moved money every week from chequing to savings. I made him hand over both cards, but of course he still had cheques (which he used at 2 different cash advance locations to 'steal' money that was being deposited) even though he had nothing going into the accounts any more.
While the bank could not do anything about that, and in order to remove him from the account, I had to have him come into the bank to sign off, which he refused to do, so I fought to have the accounts closed out. I sent new cheques to the places that I had automatic payments coming out to come from my personal accounts. Frankly, they could care less WHAT or WHOSE account the money is coming from, as long as they get paid - so you CAN get them changed. Do it immediately.
If you have not already set up the account, or you do not have cheques yet, then ask them for printouts for direct withdrawals and/or deposits that contain all the required information for companies to switch to the new account, all you have to do is fill out their info & sign the papers.

FL - If she changes the locks can she get in trouble, he has moved in with a friend, is paying rent at another premises but he claims his lawyer said as long as he is putting even $5 towards it he has a right to access the house?

Who cares what HE says HIS lawyer said - tell her to tell him to take her to court then, and if he's as you have stated, he may not even bother. And speaking of which, has she even received a letter from the so-called lawyer to inform her that he is being represented for anything?
Take what he says with a grain of salt - unless a court action has been initiated, it's time to take action.

Sorry Im ignorant to most of this and am trying to learn as much as possible to help her, can she file papers on her own without a lawyer? How would she go about doing so? Anything she needs to know before going ahead with that plan? When she talked to a lawyer over the phone he told her because of all the complexities of common law, that she would be better off with a lawyer rather than representing herself so she doesnt file the wrong thing at the wrong time, miss anything and generally put herself into a bigger hole.

First off, of course the lawyer will tell her that, he/she is hoping to make $$ from the whole matter.
Sure she can do it herself. I am assuming that she lives in Ontario here but if it's another province, than we can find you the links for those.
That being said, to start off with she can file an Application (general) - Form 8 - in this she will be requesting things such as custody, child support and exclusive possession of the matrimonial home and it's contents (she will also need to file a financial statement - Form 13.1). You can get the fillable forms (word documents) at Family Law Rules Forms — Ontario Court Services
She can also get help with a local FLIC office for free which has duty council available on certain days - call your local court house for that information.
Once she has completed the required forms, take them to the local family court & see a clerk, she will need to have these documents sworn and they will give her a court date. Then someone will need to serve her ex with the documents along with a blank copy of the Answer (Form 10) and a Financial (Form 13.1). Once that has been served, as soon as possible return to the court & file an affidavit of service (Form 6B) with the court as proof that he was served.
From that point on, he will either be filing an answer and/or the financial and serving her (or not - this will depend on many things), or they will simply arrive at court with nothing filed and requesting an adjournment.
Her next steps will of course depend on what her ex or his lawyer does in regards to the case.
At this point, what has happened is that he has in effect left the matrimonial home, thus by his actions stating that she is the parent that is better fit to be primary for the kids (basically).

By no means is this saying it will be an easy battle, nor am I saying to jump into this without asking questions along the way, or even without legal representation. But it can be done. There are many of us on this site who are self-represented and are going at this on our own. There are also Duty Council at the courts, so she can speak to them on the day of court before going into the court room, and if need be, they can help her along the way with items in court as well. Again, this is at no 'legal cost' to her.

Best of luck to you both!

EDIT: My bad, I just noticed you posted Alberta in the topic - I'll have to (or someone will beat me to it) find you the links for your province in the morning before I fall asleep at the keyboard & spend hours with QWERTY imprinted on my forehead.

[Kimberley]

The link you need for the forms in Alberta can be found here: Alberta Courts > Provincial Court > Family Justice Services > Overview
The FLIC office information appears the same, but you will have to double check with the info they provide on the site for other items I mentioned in my previous post as far as the steps to take for filing. I am only familiar with the steps in Ontario court, so unfortunately I can't provide you with the same run down of information.
My statement about the banks etc still stands though. I can't see this being so vastly different across the provinces.

Best of luck.

[dadtotheend]

Have the payer of the amounts that go into the joint account change the account to your personal account.

[FL_Needs_To_Change]

She has kept the joint bank account because she was told (the bank told her this) she couldn't transfer all the automatic joint withdrawls out of the account without his signing off on it and he won't sign off on it, so she isnt sure what to do. She has opened her own bank account but without being able to transfer everything over she is still stuck, because he blows the money and she doesnt make enough to cover it. The bank doesnt seem very helpful :/

Follow the advice of Andrewskim, and get a new account, and issue new info for the payments to start coming out of that new account. Remove all funds from the joint account, and if he chooses not to sign off then it shouldn't matter if the account is open and empty. Sign off your name from the account so that if he goes into the negative that you are not held liable. If the bank refuses to remove your name then send a formal registered letter to the bank stating that you are no longer liable for with-drawels on that account done by him. If the banks want to hold you liable for any arrears he builds, you have a letter of direction showing that you requested that your name be removed and that you no longer use that account for transactions. It'll help if the banks gets nasty. Remember if it isn't on paper it never happened. Put everything in writing when dealing with this joint account.

FL - If she changes the locks can she get in trouble, he has moved in with a friend, is paying rent at another premises but he claims his lawyer said as long as he is putting even $5 towards it he has a right to access the house?

He may have a right to equity, but that equity splitting is only for the duration of cohabitation in a conjugal extent. Once a separation date has been established the equity splitting stops. He can claim for equity splitting for the 10 years, but anything after that time is not eligible.