Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Common law custody

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Common law custody

    I am firming up an agreement with my ex - and was wondering a few things. I am allowing her custody with me the standard every other weekend etc.

    A friend of mine had a similar arrangement - and there were months at a time when she wouldn't let him see the kids out of spite - and he could do nothing about it -- can this happen to me ?? Is there something I should put in the agreement to protect myself ?

    Second - my boy is 8 - but already says he would like to live with me - I haven't said anything to my ex about this. But if push comes to shove is there an age that he can decide for himself to live with me instead ?

    Thanks !

  • #2
    Why are you not seeking equal access to your son? Why are you "allowing" her full custody? If your son is expressing wanting to spent more time with you, why would you only take him every other weekend? Do NOT agree to that. Get 50-50 shared custody. Why would you only want to see your son 4 days a month?

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
      Why are you not seeking equal access to your son? Why are you "allowing" her full custody? If your son is expressing wanting to spent more time with you, why would you only take him every other weekend? Do NOT agree to that. Get 50-50 shared custody. Why would you only want to see your son 4 days a month?
      Good point - I will consider this carefully. Thankyou.

      Comment


      • #4
        Im with BF, dont agree to every other weekend. Take joint shared physical custody.

        She can try to keep the kid but thats denial of parenting time.

        Dont start thinking of taking kid full time. Its better to encourage your son to enjoy time with BOTH parents. How would you feel if your ex encouraged kid to stay with her all the time?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by rockscan View Post
          Im with BF, dont agree to every other weekend. Take joint shared physical custody.

          She can try to keep the kid but thats denial of parenting time.

          Dont start thinking of taking kid full time. Its better to encourage your son to enjoy time with BOTH parents. How would you feel if your ex encouraged kid to stay with her all the time?
          Yes - that would be mean if I wanted to keep the kids all the time - the more and more I think about it the more I think I need to see a lawyer.

          Thing is I run a business and put 60hrs/week or more into it - right now she is very copacetic about things - I can pop over and see the kids all I want - I see them for a few days almost every weekend I get them. The more I see this 5-6 day a month agreement the more I get concerned. I really think she just needs the child support $ to get by - she works a min wage temp job - dosen't make more than 15-18K/yr on it- and I pay her that much in CS. Not a big deal --I can afford it and she needs it too. It is not the $ thing I'm worried about - it is the children I worry about - about her saying - no I'm the main parent now and our little boy is no longer playing in hockey because I said so and because I'm mad at your father (he loves hockey - she is so so on it - he is good at it too)

          Now saying the above - I don't want everyone to take my side - I need balanced opinions on things.

          Comment


          • #6
            You should still go for shared custody. Think of it this way, what would you do if your ex died?

            Comment


            • #7
              If your salaries are that far apart, offset in a 50-50 situation isn't going to be that much less money for her.

              Comment


              • #8
                I think 50/50 is best (although I dont have it, so take that with a grain of salt ), the kids need both parents, that said I'm not sure your career is suited for it. Working 60 hours a week is going to take considerable daycare/nanny costs, which she will have to contribute too. If your not able or willing to cut your hours back during your time with the kids this may not work. In essence your kinda paying her to be babysitter right now. Which isnt a bad situation for you, but it puts all the parenting responsibility on her shoulders.

                Once each of you gets into a new relationship, sometimes there are emotions involved and you may find her resisting the dropping in and seeing the kids anytime you want. Something to consider imo.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                  If your salaries are that far apart, offset in a 50-50 situation isn't going to be that much less money for her.
                  A 50-50 situation would mean about 1500-1600.00 a month cs she wouldn't see based on the # of kids we have.

                  So it would be alot to her.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                    You should still go for shared custody. Think of it this way, what would you do if your ex died?
                    What do you mean ?? I thought that if she had custody and she died then they would automatically come to me........???

                    But thinking about it - if she remarries or finds some one else common law - I suppose they might get the kids instead of me ....that would be very very bad...

                    I'm not sure on this one....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by stevem View Post
                      What do you mean ?? I thought that if she had custody and she died then they would automatically come to me........???



                      But thinking about it - if she remarries or finds some one else common law - I suppose they might get the kids instead of me ....that would be very very bad...



                      I'm not sure on this one....


                      Thatís not what she means. If your ex died how would you have to change your work schedule to be there for your children? You should be doing the same now. If you need to reduce your hours to be a parent then thatís what you do


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by stevem View Post
                        A 50-50 situation would mean about 1500-1600.00 a month cs she wouldn't see based on the # of kids we have.

                        So it would be alot to her.

                        I don't think you're doing the math right.


                        Her income is $18k, so her CS would be only be a couple hundred dollars a month depending on how many kids you have. That's all the CS she would receive from you would drop by if you had 50-50. Not $1500 a month!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Rioe View Post
                          I don't think you're doing the math right.


                          Her income is $18k, so her CS would be only be a couple hundred dollars a month depending on how many kids you have. That's all the CS she would receive from you would drop by if you had 50-50. Not $1500 a month!

                          Hey Rioe - run that by me again ? I don't quite understand - now I pay her 1500 c/s per month (we have a verbal that she is the caretaker of the 2 kids) - if we have the kids a 50/50 split - there is no child care payable is there ??

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by stevem View Post
                            Hey Rioe - run that by me again ? I don't quite understand - now I pay her 1500 c/s per month (we have a verbal that she is the caretaker of the 2 kids) - if we have the kids a 50/50 split - there is no child care payable is there ??





                            Wrong... in 50-50 Cs is paid by offset. So basically you take what she would owe you if you had the child full time and subtract that from what you owe her if she has the child full time.

                            If you currently pay her $1500 a month and based on her income she would have to pay $200, you would still pay her $1300... Cs doesnít go away because you have shared custody


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by stevem View Post
                              I am firming up an agreement with my ex - and was wondering a few things. I am allowing her custody with me the standard every other weekend etc.

                              That has not been the standard for almost a decade now.


                              If you agree to less than 50% now, it will be almost impossible to change that in the future.


                              Also, your ideas of child support in shared custody are wrong. You will still pay lots of child support. The difference is that your financial situation will actually matter to the court, so your ex might have to actually eventually get a job.

                              Second - my boy is 8 - but already says he would like to live with me - I haven't said anything to my ex about this. But if push comes to shove is there an age that he can decide for himself to live with me instead ?
                              8-year olds should not be having that type of discussion with you. He lives where you and his mother decide he will live.


                              That said, if he only sees you 4 days a month for the next 6 years or so, his opinion on where he wants to live is going to change quite dramatically.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X