Looking for advice

[uncharted13]

Hello, I would like talking start off by saying that I have gained some home hope by reading this forum, and have finally decide to post my story, which is difficult for me. I am currently in the midst of separating with my common law partner of 14 years. We have one child together of teenage years(will be starting highschool next year). The relationship broke down years ago, but we both decided, misguidedly to stay together for the sake of the child. The situation has now reached the breaking point, I can't continue as it is affecting everyone negatively.

The house, cars, bills, in fact everything is under my name. My common law spouse was at first, a stay at home mother. She has since gone back to work, but still earns much less than I do.(approx 25k to my 198k). I know that SS and CS is mandatory and I have no problem paying, but am unsure regarding the assets. There is probably 150k equity in the house now. She is driving a 50k vehicle that I make lease payments on and is in my name. I am also aware that under common law, the spouse is entitled to half my CPP pension credits, but again, am unsure about my company pension. She has stated that her lawyer is saying that we are just like a married couple, so she us entitled to half of everything. I am not currently in the house, but am still paying for everything. I cannot continue to pay for all this, and pay SS and CS on top, but dont want to disrupt my child's life any more by selling the house. Looking for advice.

[Janus]

A parental separation is very disruptive. Selling the house is not really all that disruptive. Moving sucks for adults because we have to pack and do all the crap. For kids moving is fun.

Waiting does not make things better. You will not recoup the money you are losing right now. Sell the house, equalize assets to the extent require for common law, and then let your ex pay for her own stuff from the SS and CS.

[trinton]

You mentioned the "child's sake".

Where will this child be staying if the house is sold? With you? With mom? equal with both?

You can win big on child support if you have child with you full time. Don't move out. Go back to your house.

[uncharted13]

Problem is, my child is against this. Its very complicated....in that she wants me to stay in this toxic household, as it is the only thing she knows. I can no longer do this as I know in my heart that it is wrong. As a result, no one wants anything to do with me. This is such a difficult situation for me as I have never been married, and this is my one and only child.

[dinkyface]

She does not get half of pensions. Just half of the amount attributable to your time together (which sounds like most of it, but still that's something. You also get a portions of hers applying the same rules. Never believe anything the other counsel says!!! It's not like there are rules that everyone follows - it's each one for themselves, wild-west style.

[Rioe]

You're common-law, not married. Depending what province you are in, she might get diddly squat that isn't directly in her name. CPP is an exception to that though, as you have learned. But you get half her CPP too.

If the house is in your name, it's your house and your ex should be the one to move out. She MAY be entitled to a share of the increase in value over the course of the relationship, but not half the whole house.

Ask your pension administrator what their rules are for splitting in the case of common-law separation. She might not be entitled to anything.

And your child is the child and you are the adult. The decision of who stays in the house is between you and your ex (and the bank - if your ex can't qualify for the mortgage, she can't keep the house). If your child seems to think that she'll stay in the house no matter which parent ends up in it, it may be better for all to sell the house, and then each of you can buy something smaller. That way, you can more easily set up 50-50 sharing of the child's time, instead of creating an unfair situation where whoever wins the house keeps the child. At that age, she'll want to live with whoever is nearer her school and friends, so keep that in mind when you house hunt. Your child is afraid of change, and wants to stay with the familiar, no matter how toxic it is. This is fairly normal at any age so don't let this manipulate you. You know the child will be better off with two single parents who are more emotionally stable.

You either pay for the house expenses and your child's expenses, OR you pay SS and CS and let your ex worry about her budgeting.

If your ex's car lease is in your name, arrange to have it switched to hers, or returned. Stop paying for her expenses. Drop cable and anything superfluous.

Don't take her lawyer's word for anything about how this stuff works, especially filtered through your ex. Seek your own lawyer.

[undersc0re]

You should make sure she can not rack up a whole bunch of debt, and drain the bank accounts, I closed all my accounts and cancelled my credit cards, opened new accounts and got a new credit card just before shit hit the fan, I am sure its gonna really hit the fan when you tell her the house has to be sold and the vehicle should be returned etc...so cover your but when she retaliates. Disposing of the home can be a long process in your circumstances, prepare for that. Definetly seek a lawyers advice on how you should deal with the assets, and what you should expect to give up, then maybe have a talk with your ex about what she is willing to accept.

Hopefully its not a long bumpy road for your family.

[trinton]

Looking for advice

Don't believe a damn word her lawyer says. She has no duty to serve you. You need to go back to your house. Setup hidden cameras everywhere in case she makes up some false police allegation

Your primary objective should be your child and your relationship with her. If you get your child, the better for you and she won't get child support from you. Give her the SS and tell her to get the fuck out , expect in polite legal terms. get a lawyer. A good one.


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[uncharted13]

You're common-law, not married. Depending what province you are in, she might get diddly squat that isn't directly in her name. CPP is an exception to that though, as you have learned. But you get half her CPP too.

If the house is in your name, it's your house and your ex should be the one to move out. She MAY be entitled to a share of the increase in value over the course of the relationship, but not half the whole house.

Ask your pension administrator what their rules are for splitting in the case of common-law separation. She might not be entitled to anything.

And your child is the child and you are the adult. The decision of who stays in the house is between you and your ex (and the bank - if your ex can't qualify for the mortgage, she can't keep the house). If your child seems to think that she'll stay in the house no matter which parent ends up in it, it may be better for all to sell the house, and then each of you can buy something smaller. That way, you can more easily set up 50-50 sharing of the child's time, instead of creating an unfair situation where whoever wins the house keeps the child. At that age, she'll want to live with whoever is nearer her school and friends, so keep that in mind when you house hunt. Your child is afraid of change, and wants to stay with the familiar, no matter how toxic it is. This is fairly normal at any age so don't let this manipulate you. You know the child will be better off with two single parents who are more emotionally stable.

You either pay for the house expenses and your child's expenses, OR you pay SS and CS and let your ex worry about her budgeting.

If your ex's car lease is in your name, arrange to have it switched to hers, or returned. Stop paying for her expenses. Drop cable and anything superfluous.

Don't take her lawyer's word for anything about how this stuff works, especially filtered through your ex. Seek your own lawyer.

Thank you Rioe, the advice you have given is along the same lines as what I have been able to glean from various sources. I am living in Ontario, if that makes any difference. I know it will be a difficult, heartbreaking process. I am just trying to find me feet right now.