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  • Need advice getting out of this mess I am in

    Hi All,

    I hope I can get some expert advice from those of you that have cone through what I am going through right now. The last time I posted was around 2010 when I was first going into my common-law relationship but now 5.5 years later it has come back to bite me. I know, am too trusting.

    I met my partner through an on-line dating site a year after I was widowed after 37 years of marriage, no children, both of us working hard for over 40 years to get what I now own.

    When I met my partner it only took him 3 months to move into my house. Should of been a red flag when he said he did not want a prenup.

    About 2 years after we lived together and I was let go from my job I finally got to see his true self, he was a gamer and was on the computer from morning to night time. I occupied myself the best I could but finally it started to catch up with me.

    I own the house and all the additions, repairs etc were paid by me. He is not very handy so the only thing that he contributed was $300 a month towards food, laundry and upgrading the cable to the movie network. He also cut the grass and hedge and we shared the snow shovelling duties.

    I was one of the people that got a flooded basement on July 8th so things have been a little hectic and we had a few arguments. His personality is very passionate and I keep things to myself and am a peacemaker. What made me finally decide that this relationship should be over when he said to me, if you want me out of here just say so. I made the mistake of answering without thinking and saying you know where the door is if you are not happy. He then said, then you are kicking me out, if yes, then I want my money for the flooded furniture I own in the basement and $50,000. The house has gone up at least $100,000 since I have lived here and if I wanted to I could go for half of the house.

    I was pretty shaken that he said that and replied, when we met you told me that you were after my heart and not my money, it sure does not look like you were very honest. He replied, you are a liar, when we met you promised me that you would sell the house and we would move out of Toronto. I said, I was inflatuated with you and did not say outright, I said I would think about it. I do not drive all my friends and family live here. He also said, you begged me to come and live with you.

    Anyway, sorry for being so longwinded. I have contacted the Law Society Referral Service, they have given me a reference number and I have been given a name of a family lawyer in my area. I am awaiting her call for a half hour consultation and if need be will pay for any additonal time beyond that.

    I would really appreciate your input. As a side note, his children told me to kick their dad out as they know how he treated their mom.

  • #2
    Sorry to hear that you are going through this.

    Others more experienced in common-law rules will be able to help you as I've only had to have experience going through what you have while married.

    EDIT

    Here is some important information for you.

    http://www.common-law-separation-can...ifferences.htm

    It's linked to in this thread

    http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-couples-1067/

    3. Special treatment of the matrimonial home. If you are married, your matrimonial home is treated differently when dividing property in Ontario. Normally, when your marriage ends, the value of any property you owned when you married is yours — it is not divided. This is not the case with the matrimonial home. If you own a home on your wedding day, your home is automatically divided between you and your spouse. This is not the case in a common law separation.
    Last edited by FB_; 07-23-2013, 01:00 PM.

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    • #3
      Thank you for the links FB and I am sorry for what you had to go through. My marriage of 37 years was a dream and my husband was so worried leaving me in death as he probably knew that I would be taken advantage of. I am sure he is doing whatever he can in heaven to help me out.

      Thank you for the links, I will check them out when I get a chance and when my partner is not around.

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      • #4
        You might also want to look into In Loco Parentis if he has kids and they lived with you at any time.

        Depending on the circumstances he could ask you to pay child support.

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        • #5
          Thanks FB, no need for Loco Parentis as his youngest is 31 and they are not living with us.

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          • #6
            Not sure he can even go after the value of the furniture unless you were paid for it under house insurance.

            You owe him nothing for the increase in the value of the house. Essentially he paid rent, and frankly he got off cheaply.

            Hopefully this is pretty cut and dried. You should change the locks as soon as he is gone.

            I know this is distressing, but it sounds like a blessing in disguise.

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            • #7
              You have good information from FB....but remember this. His items, your items too will be covered by the house insurance. Only the ones that are damaged.

              Make a list of all items that are his and only the damaged ones. This prevents him from making a claim on more then what was damaged.

              If you are getting out of the relationship, advise him that rent is due on August 1st and you are giving him XX number of days to vacate. Do this only by e-mail.

              Look on the forum here for how to deal with this...seen some good advice in another post a few weeks ago.

              I suggest you get a audio recorder and keep it on when you are in the house around him. This will protect you.

              If you have joint accounts or credit cards get the statements now and make arrangements to cut off his access to your bank/credit cards.

              All the best to you.

              Comment


              • #8
                DTD, I made an inventory of the damaged furniture which was mostly his, abour 2/3 of it and he is going to be compensated for it by insurance company. I will issue a cheque to him for an audit trail.

                Yes, I know by reading about co-habitation that I owe him nothing for increase of the house. Although I did not give a receipt for the $300 it is like rent and I agree he got off cheaply.

                I should get a better idea what I am in for when I meet the lawyer, still waiting for her call with appointment date/time. And yes, will change the locks in the house.

                Thank you so much for valuable advice.

                I know this is distressing, but it sounds like a blessing in disguise.

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                • #9
                  Sylvia: I'm sorry things didn't work out.

                  But I'm really glad you didn't marry him.

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                  • #10
                    Good-Mom, yes, excellent info on FB, I read up on it about 3 years ago and knew what to expect when he did not want to sign a prenup. That is why I made sure he did not do anything to update the house, etc.

                    Yes, insurance company issuing a cheque for damaged items. When he moves out he will not have to worry about a lot of furniture, he will have money in hand to buy new ones when he gets his own place.

                    I have made out a list of his damaged furniture and cheque being cut. The rest he can take with him when he moves. I kinow what he paid for 3 items and he can take those when he moves, I do not need them.
                    If you are getting out of the relationship, advise him that rent is due on August 1st and you are giving him XX number of days to vacate. Do this only by e-mail.

                    Look on the forum here for how to deal with this...seen some good advice in another post a few weeks ago.

                    I suggest you get a audio recorder and keep it on when you are in the house around him. This will protect you.

                    If you have joint accounts or credit cards get the statements now and make arrangements to cut off his access to your bank/credit cards.

                    All the best to you.

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                    • #11
                      Pursuing, thanks, LOL! I had a very happy 37 year marriage and would never marry him, besides, he is legally separated and not divorces.

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                      • #12
                        What a creep!

                        I hope he next guy you date is of much better stock

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                        • #13
                          Thank you wretchdotis. Will be a long time before I date again. Thank God for my earthly angels, I have lots of them who are watching my back, but very few know what he is asking for. Me thinks I better keep this to myself for the time being. Like pursuing said, at least I did not marry him.

                          In a way I feel sorry for him and especially his family as they are good people and they went through hell themselves several years ago.

                          Just hope he will learn a lesson from this and is not set in his ways too much and changes for his next relationship.

                          God Bless.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Sylvia13 View Post
                            Thank you wretchdotis. Will be a long time before I date again. Thank God for my earthly angels, I have lots of them who are watching my back, but very few know what he is asking for. Me thinks I better keep this to myself for the time being. Like pursuing said, at least I did not marry him.

                            In a way I feel sorry for him and especially his family as they are good people and they went through hell themselves several years ago.

                            Just hope he will learn a lesson from this and is not set in his ways too much and changes for his next relationship.

                            God Bless.
                            Its nice that you hope that, but it is hard for old dogs to change. I also hope that my ex has sincerely made a change in her life, she is engaged and I really hope it works out, if only because if will impact my kids if it fails.

                            Its not wrong to try and fail, and hopefully learn from the attempt. I know, I've been there myself. I think what I've learned in relationships since my separation has given me much better insight, and now I am better prepared for the relationship I'm in.

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                            • #15
                              Thanks D.T.D., yes, hard for an old dog to change. Hope that your ex has learned her lesson as it is always hardest on the children.

                              You are a very smart man and have a very forgiving heart to also worry about your ex that she makes the right change. I wish you all the happiness that you are looking for and deserve.

                              I feel guilty knowing what I have to do to get my partner to move on, but know in my heart that it needs to be done no matter how difficult it is.

                              You guys are the best. Thank you for taking the time to help this gullible lady out.

                              Comment

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