common law and I had threesome with her GF, now her gf is pregnant

[pupp1977]

Well she refused when I asked the other night. Might just have to think visitation if my lawyer thinks it will be too tuff then. but the dna for sure

[mom2three]

Because the child is ordinarily resident in Quebec, the laws of the province will be relevant to your case. You may wish to research them or contact a lawyer with experience in Quebec.

If she is attempting to cut off contact with you, then the expectation should be that she does not want to acknowledge you as the (potential) father, nor share custody if you are the biological father.

A custody battle with a primary resident parent in another province is a long, difficult and expensive route. Be certain you have the financial war chest.

What may be your most likely route of success is to see the child apprehended by the province's children aid society, then offer yourself as a prospective kinship plan. However, your residence outside of Quebec will hamper this and may make it untenable.

If she is financially unstable, have you considered trying to bribe her to leave the child with you for a summer, or other period of time, and then initiating court proceedings locally under the guise that the child is with you? If she is prone to poor decisions, she may fail to protect her parenting rights in a timely fashion.

From both a cost perspective and success perspective, it may be cheaper and faster to pay her 4k to go to Europe for the summer, leaving the child with you, then to try to litigate the matter in another province.

Well, the truth is spoken. Sadly, I don't think that this is what most people conceive as justice.

I GET why the system is the way it is. That doesn't make it right. So much for the best interests of the child.

No wonder we have a judge (Brownstone) speaking out.

[OrleansLawyer]

Because the child is ordinarily resident in Quebec, the laws of the province will be relevant to your case. You may wish to research them or contact a lawyer with experience in Quebec.

If she is attempting to cut off contact with you, then the expectation should be that she does not want to acknowledge you as the (potential) father, nor share custody if you are the biological father.

A custody battle with a primary resident parent in another province is a long, difficult and expensive route. Be certain you have the financial war chest.

What may be your most likely route of success is to see the child apprehended by the province's children aid society, then offer yourself as a prospective kinship plan. However, your residence outside of Quebec will hamper this and may make it untenable.

If she is financially unstable, have you considered trying to bribe her to leave the child with you for a summer, or other period of time, and then initiating court proceedings locally under the guise that the child is with you? If she is prone to poor decisions, she may fail to protect her parenting rights in a timely fashion.

From both a cost perspective and success perspective, it may be cheaper and faster to pay her 4k to go to Europe for the summer, leaving the child with you, then to try to litigate the matter in another province.

[Rioe]

Are you in contact with the CAS in her city? Maybe they could be the ones to place the child with you, once paternity is confirmed. Don't they deal with both parents in the case of a separated couple where one may be unfit? I'm pretty sure they try to place a child with the other parent or with other family members before a foster home, don't they?

[dad2bandm]

That was my question...is CAS currently involved? Given the info posted thus far, I'd be surprised if they were not, or won't be soon, given the description of the "gf" you provided.

If this "gf" associates with people who drag other people behind cars, because they are "coked out", and has had her children removed from her before, then I think it's a fair point, to wonder, why you and your current common-law spouse, as parents, think it's a good idea to associate with her, given you have other children?

Again, I'm not sure what the other removed posts were, and I'm not "judging" (or maybe I am?), but I would certainly question what kind of info is left-out of your situation, in that you present to this forum, and you can be sure this will be asked of you, by any legal counsel you seek?

Given your situation, you really do need legal counsel.

[Mess]

I plan on seeing a lawyer, but I did want to know my options a little and saving a few bucks is always a good thing.

She can't cut you out of the child's life or refuse contact with you.

You have an uphill battle to get full custody if she does not want to co-operate. To get full custody you need to be able to show factual reasons. You can't use things that were passed on to you second hand, you can't just say you think something is true, you have to be able to show proof. Because she lives so far away and you have so little contact, you will have a very hard time getting any kind of evidence.

The fact that children's services removed her other children more than once may play in your favour, but it isn't enough on its own. From your wording it sounds like the children are back with her and these were past instances? If the children were permanently removed it would carry more weight.

Your best bet for now is to play nice, but be firm. If your spouse isn't on good terms with her at the moment, keep her well out of any discussions.

[Mess]

Unless a moderator removed a post I didn't see.

A moderator removed about a dozen posts you didn't see.

When you ask for opinions from most people on here you will receive their opinon. Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear but it may save you lots of money in the long run. While you can receive support from individuals on this forum the most valuable information you will receive is advice from experienced people who have gone to court. We are not lawyers. If you want legal information you should hire a lawyer.

This is a site that exists primarily for sharing legal information. He came to the right place. This is a not a site for you to proselityze. If that is what you want to do, you are in the wrong place. This is not your kitchen, it is a privately owned message board and you will stick to the board rules.

pupp1977 asked for an opinion about achieving sole custody. The posts I removed were completely off topic and inflammitory.

[pupp1977]

I plan on seeing a lawyer, but I did want to know my options a little and saving a few bucks is always a good thing.

[arabian]

The people on this forum are not paid lawyers, rather they have gone to court and won and lost. Some have experience similar to your situation. Keep that in mind. There might be some people that you think you relate to but you don't want to give full information on this forum. All you need do is click on their name and select the option to send a private message.

When you ask for opinions from most people on here you will receive their opinon. Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear but it may save you lots of money in the long run. While you can receive support from individuals on this forum the most valuable information you will receive is advice from experienced people who have gone to court. We are not lawyers. If you want legal information you should hire a lawyer.

[pupp1977]

Unless a moderator removed a post I didn't see.

yep they did
thanks again

[dad2bandm]

Unless a moderator removed a post I didn't see.

[dad2bandm]

Yeah hijack the thread and judge away.....All you people really need to grow the hell up and stop being judges and look at your own lives with nothing to do but judge others

Nobody hijacked the thread. From what I see people have offered you good initial advice, given the details so far.

DNA test is first step and important, to protect yourself.
You really should consult a lawyer about this...probably with your spouse. FYI...a lawyer will ask you the same questions.

[pupp1977]

but thats the thing, we haven't talked to her since before she ran away so her parents couldn't take her first 2 kids from her marrage away. she had told my GF, who she kept telling she was so in love with and didn't want to lose us, to f off and leave her and her new man alone. deleted her off FB but I went silent to her and she either forgot to delete me or just didn't delete me. thats the last we talked. she knows I wanted DNA test and involvement if it is mine, it was one of the last face to face convesations we had. Could be part of why she ran too

[Mess]

Since you aren't on bad terms with her, the way most of us divorced members are with our ex's, I would suggest that you approach her with a friendly, optimistic offer to adopt the child into your family. You can offhandedly mention that this means she wouldn't be responsible for support, without making her sound like a potential deadbeat. Give her a guarentee that the child will have regular time with the maternal grandparents and that bio mom may stay as involved as she wishes.

Court should be a last resort, and a friendly discussion of possibilities should be the first.

[pupp1977]

Your first step has to be to get the paternity test. Once that is done you can start to move forward if the child is yours.

Personally I think it is good you are willing to step up tp the plate but it will still be good for the child to have the mother involved. Start now coming up with a parenting plan that facilitates access for both if you. Don't just go in asking for sole... Joint custody with maybe primary residence with you may be a better approach.

I do want her involved. but I think since the baby's family is mostly here (dad, my parents, her parents 4 half brothers and 2 half sisters) joint custody with primary or sole custody would be in the best interest. besides thatShe doesn't work, I've held the same job over 10 years, she never lives in one place for more than 6 months, I own my home, she has had her kids removed from her 2 times, the guy she is there with dragged one of his ex's behind a car because he was coked out and she didn't want to do so sexual thing for him, can't say if he is still like that but don't want to leave that to chance. Her parents know everrything, I went and told them when we all found out, they hate the guy she left with and are happy the kid isn't his. but I'm just looking for input right now