Hi there,
Posting for my mom. She is in a going on 7 year common law relationship and has not officially separated yet. We are under Ontario law.
Basic facts:
Mom purchased the farm (hobby farm, non-business) in 2002. She was single.
The guy moved in 2006. He bought consumables (gas, his own credit card/insurance, basic groceries once in a blue moon), paid no rent, none of the house bills (phone, TV, hydro, oil). He would do odd jobs around the farm. He paid the lease on a truck in his name for 3 years from 2008-2010. The truck was used for trailering horses and other odd jobs. When the lease was up, it was over the mileage and mom paid the remainder (about $1200).
Anyway... there is a lot of tit-for-tat stuff about other things, including two horses he purchased but never paid health care on, yada yada... we have gone through it and financially, his contribution is far, far less than what he's gotten or stands to get out of it.
So, mom had a good but highly stressful job until 2010 when she had a nervous breakdown and was fired. There was one lawsuit against her employer associated with that, which she settled out of. A second lawsuit is ongoing for benefits that were wrongfully withheld. She used part of her retirement fund to continue paying the household bills in 2010, paid off some debt and purchased a small tractor with manure spreader and brushhog (small one).
And still this guy was not nearly covering his equal share of the property expenses. Somehow he ran up 20 grand worth of credit debt or loans. He had changed jobs twice since his move-in, better ones each time, and is now making between $2100-2600 a month. His debts were completely paid off in 2011 when mom's first lawsuit settled. Lucky him.
Mom has been working a minimum wage job since the beginning of 2011, and took some time off this spring to go back to school (with funding, she has Native Status) and start a new career.
Now, since 2011 when the money started running out, the guy FINALLY started paying his share of the bills, maybe a bit more. Mom was still putting everything she had into the farm. Things he paid included the mortgage, propane (switched from oil in 2009), and some of the hay for the horses (which is about $4500/year--- keep in mind, he's owned two horses and never covered ANY of their costs, or contributed to hay, until 2011). He also started doing some more chores around the farm, including feeding the horses, because of necessity. However, he never does household chores (I don't even think he did his own laundry until November 2011), unless he is feeling or told that the relationship is on the rocks, and then suddenly he starts making this huge effort to be Mr Perfect.
The debt factor started to be a problem... there were some large ones still floating around. Mom and him decided to look into taking out a second mortgage on the house to pay off their big debts and cover household bills until she was on her way with her new career.
Unfortunately, her job and credit was not good enough to do that on her own. His job and credit was, but they ended up using an independent company that an acquaintance works for. The 2nd mortgage was agreed to in January 2012--- under the stipulation that the guy's name be added onto the deed to the farm, and that extensive renovations of the house be completed using some of the mortgage money, so that the house would appraise at a higher value, etc.
I know now that having his name added was the biggest mistake that could've been made, especially considering that the relationship was never going to improve due to his (undiagnosed) personality disorder.
So now he's on the deed to the house, and renovations have been started. However, his behavior reverted once again and is to the point where mom wants out of the relationship and to be free of him for good. The farm and house are bigger than she needs and she will probably end up selling this place whether he moves out or not. She has a higher paying job in her new career (still lower-paying than her old one) and is currently job searching with interviews ongoing.
There is definitely a good case for unjust entitlement against this guy, as he has definitely profited from this relationship, while my mom was broken by his abuse and will have a major decrease in lifestyle and assets because of him. But I hear that is an expensive route to take. She has spoken to one lawyer and is currently lawyer-searching for one who specializes in divorce, etc, in our county.
So... is there any way to get him off the deed? Keep in mind the 2nd mortgage influence. This is probably a futile question, I know.
Is there any way to legally boot him out of the house to preserve my mom's sanity until the house is sold? I know he is going to use the renovations as an excuse to stay, and have read he's legally entitled to stay since he's on the deed now. He is also going out of his way to manipulate her into thinking the relationship is good, while tearing her down at the same time. ("Covert narcissistic abuse" is the key phrase here.) Mom is determined to get away from him, but is currently "playing the part" to keep him unaware of her plans. He is absolutely the type who will be vindictive and try to one-up her if he thinks she's really going to dump him.
She is prepared to just pack up and leave, horses and all, if there is no way to make him get out first. She has me searching for farm rentals or smaller farms for sale right now, and there are friends of the family who will help out and provide a safe place for her to go.
Also, apparently if the house is renovated and listed at the higher value, when it sells, it will completely pay off the 2nd mortgage, and there should be a good chunk of money left over that would be profit. Mom was under the impression that this remaining chunk would be split 50/50 between her and the guy, but my recent reading suggests that it may not be a 50/50 division at all, and more of a ratio that reflects what each partner has put into the assets, etc.
So basically... what kind of options does my mom have here to avoid getting totally spiraled over by this guy?
Thank you in advance!
Posting for my mom. She is in a going on 7 year common law relationship and has not officially separated yet. We are under Ontario law.
Basic facts:
Mom purchased the farm (hobby farm, non-business) in 2002. She was single.
The guy moved in 2006. He bought consumables (gas, his own credit card/insurance, basic groceries once in a blue moon), paid no rent, none of the house bills (phone, TV, hydro, oil). He would do odd jobs around the farm. He paid the lease on a truck in his name for 3 years from 2008-2010. The truck was used for trailering horses and other odd jobs. When the lease was up, it was over the mileage and mom paid the remainder (about $1200).
Anyway... there is a lot of tit-for-tat stuff about other things, including two horses he purchased but never paid health care on, yada yada... we have gone through it and financially, his contribution is far, far less than what he's gotten or stands to get out of it.
So, mom had a good but highly stressful job until 2010 when she had a nervous breakdown and was fired. There was one lawsuit against her employer associated with that, which she settled out of. A second lawsuit is ongoing for benefits that were wrongfully withheld. She used part of her retirement fund to continue paying the household bills in 2010, paid off some debt and purchased a small tractor with manure spreader and brushhog (small one).
And still this guy was not nearly covering his equal share of the property expenses. Somehow he ran up 20 grand worth of credit debt or loans. He had changed jobs twice since his move-in, better ones each time, and is now making between $2100-2600 a month. His debts were completely paid off in 2011 when mom's first lawsuit settled. Lucky him.
Mom has been working a minimum wage job since the beginning of 2011, and took some time off this spring to go back to school (with funding, she has Native Status) and start a new career.
Now, since 2011 when the money started running out, the guy FINALLY started paying his share of the bills, maybe a bit more. Mom was still putting everything she had into the farm. Things he paid included the mortgage, propane (switched from oil in 2009), and some of the hay for the horses (which is about $4500/year--- keep in mind, he's owned two horses and never covered ANY of their costs, or contributed to hay, until 2011). He also started doing some more chores around the farm, including feeding the horses, because of necessity. However, he never does household chores (I don't even think he did his own laundry until November 2011), unless he is feeling or told that the relationship is on the rocks, and then suddenly he starts making this huge effort to be Mr Perfect.
The debt factor started to be a problem... there were some large ones still floating around. Mom and him decided to look into taking out a second mortgage on the house to pay off their big debts and cover household bills until she was on her way with her new career.
Unfortunately, her job and credit was not good enough to do that on her own. His job and credit was, but they ended up using an independent company that an acquaintance works for. The 2nd mortgage was agreed to in January 2012--- under the stipulation that the guy's name be added onto the deed to the farm, and that extensive renovations of the house be completed using some of the mortgage money, so that the house would appraise at a higher value, etc.
I know now that having his name added was the biggest mistake that could've been made, especially considering that the relationship was never going to improve due to his (undiagnosed) personality disorder.
So now he's on the deed to the house, and renovations have been started. However, his behavior reverted once again and is to the point where mom wants out of the relationship and to be free of him for good. The farm and house are bigger than she needs and she will probably end up selling this place whether he moves out or not. She has a higher paying job in her new career (still lower-paying than her old one) and is currently job searching with interviews ongoing.
There is definitely a good case for unjust entitlement against this guy, as he has definitely profited from this relationship, while my mom was broken by his abuse and will have a major decrease in lifestyle and assets because of him. But I hear that is an expensive route to take. She has spoken to one lawyer and is currently lawyer-searching for one who specializes in divorce, etc, in our county.
So... is there any way to get him off the deed? Keep in mind the 2nd mortgage influence. This is probably a futile question, I know.
Is there any way to legally boot him out of the house to preserve my mom's sanity until the house is sold? I know he is going to use the renovations as an excuse to stay, and have read he's legally entitled to stay since he's on the deed now. He is also going out of his way to manipulate her into thinking the relationship is good, while tearing her down at the same time. ("Covert narcissistic abuse" is the key phrase here.) Mom is determined to get away from him, but is currently "playing the part" to keep him unaware of her plans. He is absolutely the type who will be vindictive and try to one-up her if he thinks she's really going to dump him.
She is prepared to just pack up and leave, horses and all, if there is no way to make him get out first. She has me searching for farm rentals or smaller farms for sale right now, and there are friends of the family who will help out and provide a safe place for her to go.
Also, apparently if the house is renovated and listed at the higher value, when it sells, it will completely pay off the 2nd mortgage, and there should be a good chunk of money left over that would be profit. Mom was under the impression that this remaining chunk would be split 50/50 between her and the guy, but my recent reading suggests that it may not be a 50/50 division at all, and more of a ratio that reflects what each partner has put into the assets, etc.
So basically... what kind of options does my mom have here to avoid getting totally spiraled over by this guy?
Thank you in advance!
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