Stay or Leave...

[shlaba]

the email thing would work if she had a computer but she doesnt, i have started to only communicate about only house stuff...nothing else, im just hoping she doesnt back out or lying to me about listing the house..it feels so close but somethings gotta happen it always does, just keep my fingers crossed i guess but if it gets dirty at least i know im entitled to more than ill get if i just go along buut its really not worth the fight right now

[blinkandimgone]

Stop all verbal communication with her and move to using email ONLY. Let her call you whatever she wants in her emails, address only the relevant information and ignore the rest.

[shlaba]

just had an appraisal done in the fall..it was for mortgage renewal and she refuses to put anything in writing(im trying to be polite) but basically i get called alot of names, shes totally unreasonable about anything and i cant figure out why except spite

[staysingle]

I suggest you get a professional real estate evaluation completed. They cost around $200 bucks. Also, get her to agree, in writing, for the choice of appraiser. This could come in very handy if this matter eventually ends up in front of a judge.

[shlaba]

well went and seen lawyer this morning...what a releif!!, found out i entitled to alot more than i thought..but suggested that since shes actually gonna list the house i should try to go with the flow which i will unless she becomes unreasonable about asking price of the property...feels like the world has been lifted off my shoulders now that i know more of my rights!!...thanks everyone for your help

[Pursuinghappiness]

shlaba:

There's no doubt you're in a high conflict situation. Its made considerably worse since her 19-year old is there. The potential for false allegations being made against you is very very high. So I'd figure out what you have to lose/gain financially and what the risks are then determine what you're going to spend pursuing this legally. Because you refinanced the mortgage, she's got you over a bit of a barrel....which I'm sure she knows.

I'd do your initial filing then get a case conference (and that's gonna take a while). After that, you'll be free to start a motion to get the house sold or for her to buy you out. You've probably got somewhere from a 4-6 month wait for all of that to get finished before you can list. In the meantime, you've got to protect yourself and deal with some stress. I wish I had better news for you but I ended up living in the same house separated for over a year and a half and it was extremely tough. I'd have a back-up place you can stay to not be around on weekends, etc. You can't move out but you should definitely try to limit your time there if you can. When you are there, I'd make a beeline for your room which you should have a lock on or a door block. You need to seriously stay away from her...so I'd set your room up almost like a mini-apartment to minimize spending any time near her or her son in common places in the house. I know that sounds very tough...and it is. You have to understand that the second you file and she receives the documents, the conflict really starts. If she's high drama...expect it to get much much worse. Bottom line, you really can't be too paranoid in this situation until you're out of the house.

[shlaba]

im trying to move as fast as possible and the law firm i decide upon was based on the fact that i get an 1hr consult...i am also extremely aware of the police and did try to talk to them about the situation..that was a JOKE..basically didnt give me the time of day..tried offering mediation last yr to have it ripped up and thrown in my face, my biggest hurdle is going to be finding a family lawyer i van afford, cheapest so far is $275/hr..last i REALLY appreciate all of everyones help and hope it continues....the really sad thing is that 7yrs ago i came into this willing to do anything for her and her kids and now i still wish them the best but I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON

[Pursuinghappiness]

borrowed some $$..have an appt tomorrow morning with a family law firm..god i hope its worth it!!

There's no doubt you need a family law lawyer since you're dealing with a common law asset split. Your initial consultation should be free...in fact, I'd only suggest a lawyer that offers the first one free in case you don't like the lawyer. They will give you the basic framework of what you'll need to pursue. Most likely you'll be getting a house valuation along with filing so that you can get a 4-way meeting or get on the waiting list for a case conference.

Also listen to what NB dad says about separating yourself in the house. I'd be even more worried considering that she's got drugs in the house. I'd keep voice & photo evidence of what's going on there because she and her son would have a fairly easy time getting more hostile here and possible charging you with things you aren't guilty of. Once you go to a lawyer, you have to understand that things will get bad very quickly. And the easiest way to remove you from the home is to charge you with something. I'm not saying she'll do that...but people do. Given that she's also got her son there to back up false allegations she might make, you are in a very very sticky situation. Imagine defending yourself not just from losing your assets but from losing your very freedom. I'd search this forum for advice on how to protect yourself in your home. One thing you might want to do is have an informal, off-the-record conversation with someone at your police dept detailing the concerns you have (ie, false allegations, drug use, etc) and get some advice from them on what precautions you can take to make sure you don't get hit with falso charges.

I'd also start removing anything that is yours and is valuable from the home. I was told this by my own attorney shortly after my process started. The reason is pretty simple, if it goes missing...there is almost nothing you can do about it (aside from asking nicely for it back). So get into the habit of removing anything of value from the house....including any paperwork or documentation you need and storing it elsewhere.

Mostly, move quickly. Anything that needs to be completed...like financial statements, etc...make a priority to do in a day or two at most. You need to get this done because its unlikely she's going to mediate...you're probably going to need a file number so you can get a case conference to bring up the listing...followed by a motion. So try to get moving on getting your initial filing done.

My last piece of advice is being careful which posters you listen to here. Get your own legal advice. You've got somone on this thread giving you advice that they have no business giving you considering their own situations. They've basically done everything wrong. Listen to the posters who've managed to navigate their way expediently through the system using their wits and good judgement.

Best wishes and good luck!

[shlaba]

borrowed some $$..have an appt tomorrow morning with a family law firm..god i hope its worth it!!

[ddol1]

try and get to your local family law court and see the duty council - he/she will give you steps that must be taken to get the house sold at fair market value. tayken in another post today pointed out - get three independant valuations from local agents to get the fair selling price for the home. you have a financial interest to get this done so the duty council (lawyer) will give you your attack plan to get this done. No lawyer? Possible with their help to get the right forms and fill them out right and have them served to the parties even to make sure the "motion" goes to the correct court (there are 3 different courts i beleive - you need to get the right one or start over.

many people here will help you a lot - they reallt understand how to do this yourself if you need to. best to have a good lawyer though. i see this as an emergency type situation where the drugs can lead into a party and out of hand your home is destroyed (damaged fro 10's or thousands of $$$$$) so the faster you get this sold the sooner this risk is gone and over and you get to move on.

i think you said mobility is hard for you to get to the court house - you can get free lawyer consults (maybe 30 minutes for free) and the ontario law association for the lawyers they have a lawyer referal service where they give you a number for a lawyer and this consutation is set up - get your legal information YOU MUST HAVE NOW. You must get there too - no matter what you need to get to the help - some of the lawyer referals can be done over the phone but sometimes nothing beats face to face with you bringing the papers you do have so they can see it all for themselves. A good lawyer in a very short time, as long as you bring the info and the papers they require can make a good assessment really fast.

you need to sstart today because I am thinking IMHO that this type of issue takes time to resolve even if you have everything it can take for us, a time like seems forever!!! It is time to start today to work, work , work at getting all the documnets and proof of everything and anything that may be important and go get your rights protected. They will not do it for you. YOU MUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF - today. The more you can read the better it will be for you - like the bankrupcy issue that one of the posters here discovered and put the info on this forum for all of us to learn. I see it if it happened once it is easier to see it happening again - protect your future!

[shlaba]

well im am up the creek here cause her son is definatly on her side...they get high together..so basically i am the mecry of what either one of them say!!..and the icing on the cake now is that shes agreed to list the property but is pricing it so high it will never sell...higher than the mortgage appraisal was last yr AND a few the still need to be completed..so i have absolutly no idea what to do now!!

[ddol1]

billiechic - yes the recorder was the best thing i bought - i never recorded the day to day stuff and in the end I never recorded her voice once! Even th eday i was arrested. My bad but i used to leave it on 24/7 ready to record with one button press. I had the kids get it for me and they never found it - my divorce files were on a usb and my son picked that up right after the cop put it on the counter. (he knew what it was - my son - he knew it was my personal files and he kept it that way) but they could never find the recorder....until a couple of weeks later when he was working in the workshop - it was on, batteries dead and "thrown" across the room from where we stood. When the ex went crazy when I would not engage i "must have reached for it to turn it on and she went wild fligging her arms all over the place - I now know she knocked it out of my hands just before i could hit the big red button.

Long but i tried everyway to have it auto record and it recorded everything in my pocket that is - but the voices were always too muted.

Overall I practiced the best method and that was - DO NOT ENGAGE - EVER! If she started I dropped what i was doing, said not a word and left. I also tried to make sure i was never alone so I "sat where one of the kids was already parked and happy and I would ask the kid if i could sit near them - they always said yes. If I was with a kid then she was always fairly good! Alone she converted into the "devil from hell" I like that description one of the posters here gave her - fit so well.

Last is the recording can't be used as a record in court(very easy to manipulate a recording). the best you could hope for is the cop listening to it before they decide to put the cuffs on you. I have had a few people message that even that didn't matter - they arrested because it allows the cop to maintain their monthly quota..........

[NBDad]

This agreement you made, did either of you have independent legal advice when signing it?

If not, may as well use it for toilet paper, it's not worth much more than that.

It's NOT just a property issue, it's an assets issue as well. (given the presence of the joint debts as well)

[shlaba]

to NBdad...and anyone else...i have moved into seperate room and everything...and pls dont get irritated but with a jointly signed property division agreement from May 20th/2011 and the mortgage and title in both our names why isnt it a simply partion by sale??..i cant afford any local family lawyers i've contacted...and no another 2 1/2yrs before mortgage renewal is wayyyy too long...oh and hydro is in my name but how can i cancel a required service??

[NBDad]

1st...her house origanally with her ex-husband, i moved in 7yrs ago and automatically assumed half the bills...they put money down, not sure on the amount but i have renovated basically the entire home ($10 000 in materials)

You guys are common law right? Basically she's going to claim that you paying "1/2 the bills" was "occupational rent". Can you prove the $10000 in materials? Receipts/bank statements/etc?

Here's the thing, you should be obligated to receive your 10,000 back you spent in materials, + you can argue for a share of the increased value of the home as a result of those renovations.

d...suckered into renewing mortgage just late last yr on the intent that the relationship was going to b worked on and 2nd mortgage was matured

I was going to suggest sucking it up and floating along until it's up for renewal. She can't renew it without your signature.

7th...i can do that!!!??..i can record all the stuff going on!!??

Google Voice is your friend dude. It's not typically worth jack shit in family law, however to protect you from a false DV charge...totally worth it's weight in gold. The quickest way for her to screw you over is to provoke a fight, call the cops, claim you hit her, and then have you hauled away. She files a restraining order. If any of it sticks, jab a fork in yourself, you're done.

Move into a separate room if you haven't already. Put a lock on the door. Get anything of value that YOU brought into the relationship (not what you bought together) the hell out. Gather copies of any financial records (ie. mortgage docs, savings, accounts, RRSPs, etc.).

Get photo/video evidence of any items purchased during your relationship. Then get ALL that evidence out of the house. Rent a storage locker, a safety deposit box, store it at a friend's place, etc.

Practice "radio silence". Don't engage her, don't speak to her. Until the ink is dry on the legally binding agreement, it's fuzzy pink bunnies and glitter farting unicorns.

If there are any services in just YOUR name (ie. phone, internet, cable, etc) then cancel them. Buy a prepaid cell and use that. Do your own grocery shopping, buy only food you like (her hating it is a bonus, but not needed). Do you normally do laundry? Do ONLY your own. Clean up after JUST yourself. Her mess, and her son's is HER problem.

Any joint lines of credit, credit cards, etc....call the holder and have them frozen. You can't cancel them with a balance owing, but you CAN make it so no further withdrawals can be made on the remaining credit. Try and make arrangements to pay 1/2 the mortgage directly, let her worry about her own 1/2.

You need to engage the services of a FAMILY LAWYER. What you have here is a common law relationship with equity issues that need to be addressed. (specifically regarding the joint debt, the cost/value of the renos you performed and the resultant constructive trust claim you may have on the equity in the home).