Wife acting up again...

[Skndlz2904]

Last week I settled out of Court (self repped and cannot afford trial) for joint/shared custody 40/60, with her having primary residence. I have every weekend and one overnight. Because she moved to another city I've put a clause in Minutes of Settlement which states telephone or Skype access up to thirty minutes per day. I specifically told her that I need to have daily contact with my kids and that she takes that seriously.

Needless to say, she never tried to call them when they are with me but on the otherhand I did several times. And I always get excuses. I mean how much more of this bs do I have to take?

She is restricting telephone access not even two weeks after the final order. What should I do?

[standing on the sidelines]

did you set a certain time for you to be able to call?? What type of excuses is she giving?? How old are the kids?

All you can really do is document and when you have enough to show a pattern then go back to court

[Tayken]

Last week I settled out of Court (self repped and cannot afford trial) for joint/shared custody 40/60, with her having primary residence. I have every weekend and one overnight. Because she moved to another city I've put a clause in Minutes of Settlement which states telephone or Skype access up to thirty minutes per day. I specifically told her that I need to have daily contact with my kids and that she takes that seriously.

Interesting that she would accept "every weekend". Most OCL and Section 30 evaluators would not allow this. She does not have much parenting time with the children if they are in school. In this arrangement you have much more opportunity to be a parent.

Needless to say, she never tried to call them when they are with me but on the otherhand I did several times. And I always get excuses. I mean how much more of this bs do I have to take?

She is restricting telephone access not even two weeks after the final order. What should I do?

Don't over react at this point. Document the refusals and get a good history of refusals. You can notify the other parent of the refusals of access in accordance to the agreement at this point and ask them to respect your children's access as agreed.

In a month or two if it continues you can file a motion to change the conditions of your children's access to you and/or do this possibly through a contempt motion. Motions for contempt are quasi criminal and not to be used lightly or to threaten litigants.

You have options, but, time is your best asset. If you act too fast it will only inject conflict. Smile, document the attempts and response and when you have enough cogent evidence to the access denials in contravention of the agreement/order you can then act. Judges are not fond of immediate contempt motions right after an agreement is signed or an order is made.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Mess]

Interesting that she would accept "every weekend". Most OCL and Section 30 evaluators would not allow this. She does not have much parenting time with the children if they are in school. In this arrangement you have much more opportunity to be a parent.

This is a strong point. Over time you'll have a very good relationship with the children, and with the weekday access you'll have some regular contact with the school. Encourage the kids to call you, or work out through them when to call. They'll hear the phone ring, if their mum refuses the call they will figure it out.

[LostFather]

Last week I settled out of Court (self repped and cannot afford trial) for joint/shared custody 40/60, with her having primary residence. I have every weekend and one overnight. Because she moved to another city I've put a clause in Minutes of Settlement which states telephone or Skype access up to thirty minutes per day. I specifically told her that I need to have daily contact with my kids and that she takes that seriously.

Needless to say, she never tried to call them when they are with me but on the otherhand I did several times. And I always get excuses. I mean how much more of this bs do I have to take?

She is restricting telephone access not even two weeks after the final order. What should I do?

I am not sure about the math...60/40. eow and one night a week is ranging around 35%...it keeps parent just under the threshold so they have to pay cs.

[Mess]

I am not sure about the math...60/40. eow and one night a week is ranging around 35%...it keeps parent just under the threshold so they have to pay cs.

He wrote every weekend, and an overnight. I take that to mean an extra overnight during the week, which gives him 3-4 nights a week, depending on what they do with Sunday nights.

[Skndlz2904]

Thank you all for your responses,

Standing... kids are B7 and D2. Even though my daughter just started talking I believe it's extremely important at her age to just feel my presence and to bond with me as much as possible. We did not specify time for the calls but I presume it would be the access parent's responsibility to make children available throughout the day, according to the order. Excuses are: "cell fell into bleech", "they both fell asleep at 7 p.m.", "my son is at the neighbours"...etc...

Tayken... thanks for your always enlightening response. I wasn't going to embarrass myself and file anthg with the courts so soon, but it's so frustrating that it's happening right after the Court order. She went for 40/60 only because she's "on the market" again and kids are on her way on weekends. Even the Judge at TMC couldn't believe and said it's highly unusual that she was asking for supervised access two months ago and now she consents to shared custody. Yep, she is a whackjob and she's playing games all the time...I need to put a stop to this.

My initial offer was a week about/parallel parenting regime but I consented to weekends because, as you say, I have more daytime because they're in school/daycare plus I can focus on my work more efficiently. After the settlement was signed, I thought this whole ordeal was over, that she came to her senses and realized what's best for the children, but it seems (for her) that she's planning to make more problems.

How do I document everything? Do I tape record everytime my call goes to her voicemail? Do I get a printout of call history from a phone company? I have a "Momento" app on my iPhone which memos every event I put in. Would that suffice for the Court? What's admissible and what's not?
Today is my daughter's 2nd birthday and she didn't answer the phone.

Mess... I'll try to encourage my son to call but seeing where things are going she's gonna manipulate that too.

P.S. I have kids every Wed 4:15 p.m.-Thu 8:45 a.m. (school start) and every Fri 4:15 p.m.-Sun 7:00 pm. According to Custody Exchange that makes up for 40.1%. Agreed to reduced child support because she's unemployed.

[Gary M]

But if you don't mind me asking why do you need to contact your kids every day? I know when I got shared custody I called often as I thought it is better to call than not for various reasons but I think calling once a weak is enough.

I strongly disagree (but that's only based on opinion) - my ex calls the kids once/week and I don't think that's nearly enough. I honestly believe that daily contact of some form is the way to go... Whether it's a good-night call or an I Love You text. Kids need to know that both parents are thinking about them all the time, 24/7... It's about security.

A pox on any parent who stands in the way of this.

IMHO, of course

Cheers!

Gary

[WorkingDAD]

I strongly disagree (but that's only based on opinion) - my ex calls the kids once/week and I don't think that's nearly enough. I honestly believe that daily contact of some form is the way to go... Whether it's a good-night call or an I Love You text. Kids need to know that both parents are thinking about them all the time, 24/7... It's about security.

A pox on any parent who stands in the way of this.

IMHO, of course

Cheers!

Gary

I agree with Gary,
Saying that thou a lot of parents abuse this and try use it as another way to control.

In my order it says that parent with whom a child should initiate call on about 8 PM on every 2th 4th 6th night if child with that parent for two or more
overnights in a row ...

that how Judge put it - I asked being able to say good night every night ...

[Gary M]

A pox on any parent who stands in the way of this.

I made a mistake in my earlier post: The word parent should have been in quotes because no real "parent" would sabotage a child's security - for any reason, least of all their own selfish ends.

Cheers!

Gary

[LostFather]

I strongly disagree (but that's only based on opinion) - my ex calls the kids once/week and I don't think that's nearly enough. I honestly believe that daily contact of some form is the way to go... Whether it's a good-night call or an I Love You text. Kids need to know that both parents are thinking about them all the time, 24/7... It's about security.

A pox on any parent who stands in the way of this.

IMHO, of course

Cheers!

Gary

I agree. Now if only I could get my ex to allow the children to talk to me during the ordered telephone access. Eod that they are not with me. Her lawyer drafted up an agreement for everyday at a certain time. I stuck to that daily and I would be lucky if a third of those calls were answered. She hen took me back to court to have her agreement change. The judge agreed but gave me another day instead. That did not go over well. So she then reduced the judges order arbitrary to once a week.

[Gary M]

I agree. Now if only I could get my ex to allow the children to talk to me during the ordered telephone access. Eod that they are not with me. Her lawyer drafted up an agreement for everyday at a certain time. I stuck to that daily and I would be lucky if a third of those calls were answered. She hen took me back to court to have her agreement change. The judge agreed but gave me another day instead. That did not go over well. So she then reduced the judges order arbitrary to once a week.

You have the power to do something about it... As Nike would admonish you, just DO it!

Cheers!

Gary

[LostFather]

If I remember correctly, your ex lives in a different province so she should call more often. But if you have 3/4-4/3 routine then it is a bit different. My ex and I used to call every day and in our agreement it says we have a right to call once a day when the child is with the other parent.

But some times when we call, the child doesn't want to talk. If she is drawing, coloring or watching a cartoon she won't talk on the phone . (she is 5) So we decided to let her enjoy her time in her other home and not call every day.

Then again not every situation is the same.

What does living in another province have to dobwoth it? If you are in the same city and not allow to see your children they might as well be in another country. I go a week, twice a month where I don't see mine. Not because i don't want to cause she won't let me. Judge backs that up...best interest of the children?? So the only other contact is by phone and it is not only precious but required in my opinion.

What excuse can anyone possibly make?? That 2 min on the phone can be disruptive?? Not on your life! This is only about control and vindictivness. Its in no way about the best interests of the children.

[LostFather]

You have the power to do something about it... As Nike would admonish you, just DO it!

Cheers!

Gary

Gary my brother I have for 5years and 100k later and a marriage. The judges order is only as good as the paper its printed on. When you have someone that has no morals or care what a judge says I am all out of ideas. I keep trying. I am finally and emotionally broke. I keep records and will try again.

[Gary M]

What does living in another province have to dobwoth it?

Indeed. The kids were with my ex for two long painful years during which she tried every nasty trick in the book to cut me out of their lives. She was in the GTA and I was in Ottawa - I called them EVERY day*** just so they knew I loved them and was thinking about them.

Often, they didn't want to talk because they had friends over, were playing a game, or had just been abused by their mother. It didn't matter: I always said "That's OK, kiddo. I just wanted to hear your voice and tell you that I'm thinking about you." Every day. EVERY day.

I think that was important for them, and I think that it's important for every child out there. EVERY day, whether in the next house, next town, next province, or next country.

But that's just me talkin'

Cheers!

Gary

*** I didn't actually get to talk to them every day, as my ex had a habit of unplugging all of the phones and telling the kids that they were "broken" or that I hadn't called for days. She got "busted" one day when she unplugged all of the phones but forgot the answering machine - my kids were both in the kitchen and heard as I left a message telling them that "I loved them and was thinking about them."