Babysitting, Changing professionals & Schools

[Berner_Faith]

I have posted about this before, but I am hoping to get more information on this. Bf & his ex have joint custody, with primary being with ex.

Bf has requested that because of joint custody that ex discuss with him prior to switching babysitters, doctors & schools...reasons below...

Babysitters: In the past 6 months the children have been to 8 different babysitters, bf is never aware of this until he has the children and he asks if they have fun at so and so's house, in which they again tell him they don't see that sitter any more. Bf's concern in that the kids are being bounced around and he is worried that they may not be in the care of the most responsible babysitters. Of course ex is saying she will not agree to this as she doesn't feel that bf needs a say.

Doctors & other professionals: This bf feels is very important as a few months ago she switched doctors, and when we had the children, we called to book a doctors appointment and they told us they no longer have the children as clients...ex refused to tell us who the family doctor was... anyways, he feels he has a right to know who is seeing his children and needs to know who to take the children to.

School: She is refusing to include bf as an emergency contact and says he has no reason to be one, as he never drops the children off nor picks them up. She also feels he shouldn't have a say where the children go to school. Our issue is, that she moves around a lot, and the kids shouldn't have to up root every year because she moves out of the school zone.

To us these are not outragous requests, but she had a major freak out about them...so again I ask, is he being unreasonable with these requests?

[Mess]

The law states that he has a say and in fact should have a veto if he doesn't agree with choice of schools. This is explicit with joint custody.

Exactly the same with choice of doctors, he has a say, he can veto the choice of doctors and he absolutely must be informed and included in all medical decisions.

Baby sitters are a bit murkier, it is not clear cut in the Family Law Act, but you have strong points here. Combined with the other two you can easily combine this with the other issues.

Send her a formal letter in polite but explicit terms. No need to say "please" or "I would like" or "you should." These terms all imply she has a choice. She doesn't.

"The Family Law Act requires that parents with joint legal custody have equal say in a decisions regarding the child's medical needs, education and religion. You will comply with the FLA and provide full disclosure of all information regarding the children's doctor and medical history and needs. You will co-operate with (the father) being treated as a full equal parent by the school and be designated as an emergency contact, as well as receiving his own copies of all school report cards and other communications from the school. (The father) shall be included in all parent/teacher meetings, or have his own separate meeting scheduled. (The father) shall be included in all decisions regarding childcare and be informed of the name and contact information of all babysitters. The sitter will be provided with contact information for (the father) as an alternative in an emergency. (The father) shall be notified immediately of any emergency involving the child even the mother has already been contacted."

If (the mother) does not begin complying with these requirements immediately a motion order will be filed seeking that she be found in contempt of the (court order/separation agreement order.)

You have to use it or lose it. The father must begin attending doctor and dentist appointments, and seeking parent/teacher meetings at the school. The mother is trying to establish a status quo of the father not being involved. This would be her defence in any future court situations, that the father didn't involve himself or put effort into it, and also it establishes her role toward the child, in the child's eyes, as the involved parent.

[Berner_Faith]

Thanks Mess. bf tries hard, he is not the greatest with computers so I often do a lot of the typing/researching for him...she is now catching onto this, as so sent an email back saying that I shouldn't have anything to do with it...to which a certain extent is true, maor decisions are between them, but when he seeks advice, he often comes to me, as then I come to this wonderful forum.

Thanks again!