Accused of Parental Alienation

[madm82]

Hi, I will try to make this as short as possible, without leaving out the relevant details. Here goes:

I was served back in July of this year with a Motion to Change. My ex has a lawyer, and I can not afford to retain one this time at all, nor do I qualify for legal aid (barely) which really sucks. Anyhow, he was seeking unsupervised liberal access to the children. The original court order made a few years ago, gave him supervised access through the CAS. CAS closed its file over 2 years ago, due to the fact that I had the final order of full custody and he was not always attending visits, seeing parental classes, anger management etc. He was told that in order to continue access he needed to have make arrangements with the YWCA in order to do so. He never made arrangements with the Y, however, I followed through with my part and did so. He refused to. Since the closing of the CAS file, he had only seen the children once (which was my doing) supervised in my home. It has since been just shy of two years since there has been any access or contact between him and the children. The children did not wish to continue with any contact with him as they were so disgusted that even after I had tried to facilitate access between him and them that he would not set up access at the Y to see them. They considered this their last straw of hurtfulness that they were willing to accept. Since that time, he has not tried calling, e-mailing or contacting the children in any way.

Anyhow, once I was served with the Motion to Change papers, I file my response. We were already in front of a judge which granted me a temporary no access/no contact order.

Now on to today. I filed my case conference brief with his lawyer at the first of this week. I just received his brief today. In his brief he is claiming parental alienation and that I have 'poisoned' the children in an extreme hatefulness of him. He is trying to state that he contacted me on numerous occasions for access and that I refused became enraged, verbally vicious etc., etc., etc., and refused to let him contact or see them. None of this is true, but how do I prove it? Since it's not true there is no e-mail record, no msn record of the fact, no texting records or any of the like. Will any of this even hold up in court of parental alienation? I'm so stressed out now, it's not even funny. If you need more information at all to help form your advice or answer let me know and I will gladly tell you.

If it's any help, when were in front of the judge before (beginning of August), the judge was the same judge we had a few years ago and he stated that he remembered this case quite well from then and that it always stood out in his mind. He is going to reside over the rest of the case as well.

My ex's lawyer is also telling me that no matter what this is going to trial and that he will bring motion after motion after motion against me. He puffs out his chest and does everything in his power to try to intimidate me ~sigh~ He's also lied on his affidavit even AFTER I even submitted concrete evidence from the CAS. I just don't get it. I don't get it at all. I hope someone can really help to enlighten me on Parental alienation claim. My case conference is this week

[NBDad]

He is trying to state that he contacted me on numerous occasions for access and that I refused became enraged, verbally vicious etc., etc., etc., and refused to let him contact or see them.

It's ONE bullet point in your response:

The ____ (Applicant/Respondent - whichever he is)'s claim in item X is false and without merit. At no time have I ever denied him access to the children. He was advised by CAS and as per the existing court order that in order to continue access he had to _____________ (ie. complete a parenting/anger management class) and __________(setup access via a visitation center). To date, Applicant (respondent,whichever) has not provided any documentation of successful completion, nor has he setup visitation at an access center.

The _____ has not attempted any contact with the children in the last 2 years. Given that he refused to setup visits at the access center, the children were deeply hurt. At this point I feel it is not in there best interests to begin unsupervised access without provisions to protect them and assist in the transition, and would therefore request the following:

1. That the ______ take, and provide proof of successful completion of an anger management program.

2. That the ____ take, and provide proof of successful completion of a parenting class.

3. That ____ arrange for counselling, and if required attend either separately or together with, the children ____ and ____ in order to help ease the transition and facilitate their relationship.

3. That the original court order outlining supervised access be upheld as written, until such time as _____ completes the requirements outlined above.

[madm82]

NBDad thanks for your quick reply. I will be able to use some of what you have stated above-thank YOU!! However, the children, no longer wish to have any contact with him I have asked them several times and in different ways i.e: How about if I try to get supervised access/visits? How about to start through e-mail or telephone and see how that goes. They are very firm in their stance and quite frankly I don't blame them (haven't said so though). I agree with them not having access/contact however (haven't told them that though) as the change that have occurred in them in the last two years (almost) have been hugely positive since the status quo of no access/no contact. My children have been through a lot by this man. They have witnessed a ton of abuse towards me physically and emotionally, they suffered a grotesque amount of emotional abuse by this man and some physical as well. Most of to which they recall and talk about freely. They have been through counseling as well. Is there anything I can do to continue with the status quo? I mean I know in most cases BOTH parents SHOULD have an active role in the lives of children, however this is not the case here and I firmly believe that. The judge did grant me a temporary order that he is not allowed no access/ no contact, but how can I make that stick? I know this is the MOST difficult thing to do. It's not in the best interests of the children, and upon the closing statements of the CAS a couple of years ago, they stated that they still had concerns about the father (although they did not go in to detail as to what to). I contacted the CAS to see if I could get their files. They said I only could if a) he consented or b) it was court ordered. I am asking for them in my case conference as the CAS worker did tell me that she doesn't think he will consent to the disclosure. In fact, she went on to say the only way he'd a agree is if for any reason he felt as though there was something positive in it about him. I think that statement sums it all up. I hope my post doesn't sound too confusing lol.

[madm82]

To add, in regards to anger management that he was ordered to take, he didn't complete it after the family court order was made. However, he had been in anger management (court ordered through the criminal court when he was there for assault towards me and uttering death threats) course before I left him. In fact I believe he had to attend it twice.

[anotherSTEPmother]

how old are the children?

[madm82]

They are 11 and 12. If it's any help, CAS stated when they were younger that they are very articulate in voicing their opinions (at that time their opinions were supervised access). Also that they were mature for their ages (this was stated in reports several times and their age ranges at the time were approx 7-9)

[NBDad]

They are old enough where their opinion counts for something. The 12 year old especially. By the time they are 14, no court is going to force them. So you can maybe spin it that way...it's a life lesson for them too...sometimes you have to do things you may not like in the short term, in order to get what you want in the long term. When they are 14, if they still feel the same way, they can sit down with you, have an adult conversation about not going, and then you return to court to make their wishes the new order.

YOUR job is to encourage their relationship with their father. If that means teaching them to give people a second chance to show they are sincere, then so be it. Talk to them honestly about their Dad wanting to see them, and if the court orders it, you MUST enforce it.

[madm82]

This is going to sound bad, but I won't encourage their relationship anymore. up until the past almost two years, it was I who encouraged all the contact, the telephone calls that he would never answer, and rarely he would call them back on. It was terrible and I just can't let this all happen again. I understand, that I am only giving you a very tiny bit of information that may not sound very significant at the moment, but I am firm in my belief now that no access/contact is in their best interests since I have seen the huge difference in them in that last especially year and half since status quo. They have self worth now (they are no longer getting degraded), and they aren't SCARED anymore, of just life itself. It's amazing. However, I know my fight will be hard, but I do know that the only reason why he is going after for visitations is to try to make contact with me again ~sigh~ In his psychological assessment, he is still obsessed with me. I do not believe he has grounds for initial claims of parental alienation though as initially, I did everything by the court order.

[madm82]

Also, back in August of this year, when I had went to the court for a restraining order against him the judge instead awarded me with a temporary court order of him having no access, no contact with the children and I. Does that hold any merit? What I mean is doesn't that mean that this would be more likely to stick in an event of a trial because one judge at least felt as though it was necessary on a level?

[Mess]

Obtaining a temporary order doesn't mean you have a good chance of getting a permanent order.

It's like throwing someone in jail for the weekend doesn't mean they will get a life sentence at trial.

The temporary order gives everyone a chance for a break and to calm down and in theory the ex could do things like get into therapy and take anger management or parenting classes.

The final order will be made according to the evidence you present at the trial, it will be based on the facts of his behaviour, not any previous judgements.

[anotherSTEPmother]

I would try and get the office of the childrens lawyer involved, they will speak with your children and represent their interests. If they are that old their opinions will have some clout.

[madm82]

It's like throwing someone in jail for the weekend doesn't mean they will get a life sentence at trial.

As much as I don't like to admit it, I can see your analogy in this It was a good way of clarifying it for me though so thanks.

Anotherstepmom - I did request that an OCL get involved. So is my ex, so with us both requesting I am sure that the judge will put in a recommendation although, I really wish my children didn't have to venture down this path at all.......

I am so fraught right now, as this is coming up so soon and I feel like I am just not prepared enough. In my affidavit filed to their Motion to Change, I had put in evidence from CAS notes stating that my children are scared of him etc., and the other side is claiming that it is weak in some cases and in other cases have responded as though my evidence isn't even in there at all! -Sigh- do the judges actually go over everything that I submitted? I sent in a very large binder, mostly filled with facts and evidence, so I most certainly hope so....

[anotherSTEPmother]

They do not read everything unless it gets to trial, like this will. OCL will likely come in with just a lawyer.

If a clinical investigator also comes it will help clear things up. They are very good with kids and their report will weigh heavily on the final decision.

Unless he is deemed a threat I am sure he will get some kind of access though it will likely be minimal and the same thing will happen again.

Too bad your kids get stuck on a yoyo, hopefully if he comes back he stays this time.

[Tayken]

My ex's lawyer is also telling me that no matter what this is going to trial and that he will bring motion after motion after motion against me. He puffs out his chest and does everything in his power to try to intimidate me ~sigh~ He's also lied on his affidavit even AFTER I even submitted concrete evidence from the CAS. I just don't get it. I don't get it at all. I hope someone can really help to enlighten me on Parental alienation claim. My case conference is this week

Do you have written correspondence to confirm these accusations against the solicitor representing the other parent?

These kind of *threats* to litigate are not appreciated in the Family Law system. Furthermore, they are really not appreciated when made against unrepresented litigants.

There are two types of lawyers that good lawyers often hate to deal with:

1. Lawyers who lie.
2. Lawyers who are stupid.

The worst kind of lawyer to deal with I am told is #2. But, it sounds like you are dealing with #1. Hopefully it is not both #1 and #2.

Be assertive in your responses. Don't fall prey and threaten them back. In fact, if I were you, I would prepare a good offer to settle and fire it off to them. That way it gives them something to think about before "motioning you to death".

BTW: After about 2-3 motions for nonsense judges notice and they will act and stop the litigating party from bringing unnecessary motions.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[madm82]

TAYKEN- The only written response that I have is the stuff that is in his case conference brief. There has been NO contact with his lawyer and myself other than that since our first court appearance (which was an emergency motion brought by me after I got served with the motion to change, where I was awarded a motion for temporary order of no access/no contact).
Since that court appearance there was no contact. I figured I was going to hear from his lawyer first (a response at least to my response to motion to change) but there was nothing. I served my case conference brief first and a bit early that way, I covered my rear end in case I couldn't serve it last minute and file it last minute. I was hoping they were going to serve me their CC brief first as that is just courtesy, but they purolated it to me on the very last day to serve and file. It was in my mailbox. When I did serve his lawyer my CC brief his lawyer tried asking me if I would accept a late filing and I said no.
In his CC brief, they do lie, even with though I have evidence disputing whichever fact.
In his CC brief, he still tries stating that the allegations that I have brought forth are new and soley to bolster my position in this litigation- even though at our first court appearance, the judge told them that these allegations are not new and in fact were brought forth with the orginal court attendances back a few years ago, as not only had he just gone over his notes on the case, he was the residing judge over the entire thing and he stated that he remembered the case quite clearly.


How and when can i bring an offer to settle??????

Anotherstepmother- Is a clinical investigator someone that I would have to pay for? Or request?