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first time through court for custody

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  • first time through court for custody

    weekends only. The duty counsel came and talked to mine again, who told me about the change and advised me to decline and document because my ex lied to duty counsel and said she never denied access and offered all forms of it. Even though I have the evidence that she blocked access. I did decline and have since documented many things with full supported evidence.
    My ex at this point had also been asked to provide me with the next time and date of my daughter's appointments regarding her leg and her current adress since she had now moved in with her boyfriend as they have a child on the way themselves. She was asked this by my duty counsel who came back with the time and date and the address of both requests. When she was asked my duty counsel, why I could not pick my daughter up on the thursday instead of friday, she claimed friday was the day of my daughter's appointment in Kingston. It was suggested to her that I take my daughter on thursday, and bring her to Kingston for her appointment but for me to pick my ex up and provide her transportation. To which she replied "no chance in hell". The adress she had given for her current residence was not complete. She did not give me her unit number. When I requested it later she told me that her duty counsel advised her not to give me the address, that I can serve her paper's at my daughter's appointment and that there's no need for me to know where she lives.

    I began to ask for my daughter as regularly planned, and she would send back these long nasty text messages about how I could only see my daughter under her conditions until court was done. And let me tell you, the demands she hasd put out is outrageous. She has demanded that my girlfriend, who has never said an ill word to her, is not to speak directly to my ex. My girlfriend is also to remain off of hospital grounds while we are at appointments even though my girlfriend is the one who provides the transportation. She is respectful though, and never puts up a fight or interferes with anything to do with my daughter. She complied and now waits in the car. My ex has quite a few problems with my girlfriend, but I ignore them for the sake of my daughter.

    She keeps telling me that her duty counsel advised her not to allow me to see my child alone without her. When I have visited her. It has been for 1 to 2 hours by my ex's request and is supervised by my ex and her current boyfriend (who by the way is also being called dad. I have documented evidence in which my daughter calls him daddy now too. So that's two guys in the last 8 months that my daughter is calling daddy. Again, nothing I can do except make the best of my time with my daughterm

    I have documented evidence that she mislead duty coiunsel that day at motions and that when I visited my daughter at a restaurant, she told the wait staff that I was a threat to her and my daughter and I coulkdnt stand up from the table without the staff waiting to see where I was going. I have evidence of her lying consistently to me and only allowing me access when she wasn't sure how much money I was going to give her that time. She never once said I couldn't see my daughter till court was done. She always said "ok" then after I gave the money. She'd say hell no again and start freaking out. 3 years ago, she lied and said she was raped by her previous boyfriend. She was convicted of mischief, false accusation of another person. Since them. She's done nothing but lkie and jump from guy to guy. I am still offering split time if I get custody, but I no longer see my ex as a suitable role model for my daughter. She is unstable and a a patholigical liar. There are studies showing how it negatively impacts and child and it is detrimental unless the mother gets help. Her boyfriend has been charged wiith drug possessin about 3 years ago and recently admited to smoking weed.I don't think my ex does drugs, but her boyfriend does but I don't want to sling mud. Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice anyone may have.

  • #2
    There's a beginning part of the message that got cut off on accident. I will repost it soon. Took a while to type. Lol


    • #3
      Basically, I had a huge long message. About 15k characters aparantly about my custody situation with my daughter. I'll sum it up because basically. I have undisputable evidence that my ex has purposely mislead myself and the Ontario family court system, she has been charged with falsely accusing someone of sexual assault. She did not complete her counselling that she was ordered to undergo. I have evidence also of her. She has lied in situations to make me look bad and people have reacted as such and I have had threats and been told by her family that my daughter calls someone else dad. She has interfered with access between my daughter and myself and has only said ok to me seeing my daughter overnight during the time that I'm sending money to her bank account. Once its sent she freaks out and tells me to go to hell literally until court is over. And I have it all in perfect documentation ready to be served with undisputable evidence of the events. Will these things factor into the final decision. I never gave her permission to take my daughter. She left and never brought her home and kept blocking access and claiming she was going to file for court and never following through. So i finally filed and now this is what's going on. So any advice please would help.


      • #4
        what do you want?

        are u in court? at what stage?

        How old is your daughter?

        What is the urrent custody/access arrangement.

        I sense you are frusrated. As I wouls be too. It sounds to me like you are letting your ex tell you whats what. I think you need to get an independant legal opi ion on just what is what. Suxk it up aand pay 500 bucks for two hours with a lawyer. Learn your rights and obligations.

        There are more ppl here that can give you more specific advice, but in my opinion - you need to stop letting her walk all over you.


        • #5
          I want full custody or joint with primary residence, offerung a wwekly rotation.

          My daughter is just under 2.

          She left our home with our daughter in January on a visit to her mothers and never came home. This was after we had just given our 60 days notice and made arrangements to move from peterborough to oshawa. She only allowed supervised visits. Telling me the reaon was that she was ivestigated by CAS ( which she was cleared of and I was not living with her when she was investigated), and according to her, CAS said I could not be unsupervised with my daughter for the first 4 visits. I called CAS and they said no information on me was found in their records outside of stating that I am the father. Finally in June I worked out a split time arrangement. She sent an agreement with the terms stating thursday from 6 pm to sunday at 6 pm. I wanted a rotation from the start sinbce the drive is now from pickering to belleville, where she now lives with her boyfriend who she is 5 months pregnant with his child.

          I do need to find out my rights. But right now outside of what we agreed to, there is no arrangement and she has now completely blocked access again and this time I filed for court. We went for motions which is where she offered to go back to the terms. Then chasnged her mind and remanded. She had no legal advice so they remanded our first court date as well. So we have not spoken with anyone outside of duty counsel yet.


          • #6
            And I have documented all of the blocked access and CAS accusations and everything in written message. And I have not seen my daughter outside of doctor's appointment which I drive from pickering to kingston for quite often.


            • #7
              If there's a way I can legally push for access in the mean time, tell me and I'll do it. There's nothing I won't do to see her and have her in a better home.


              • #8
                Also, I'm the one providing all transportation and paying the gas this whole time. She does not have vehicle. Nor does her boyfriend. They rely on my ex's mother for drives to my daughter's appointments, which are frequent.


                • #9
                  What you need is an interim order NOW. What kind of proceeding were you at where duty counsel was working things out.
                  I agree you need to sit down with a lawyer and you need to file a motion for an interim order, if you have one that dictates access and she is not following it then you need to file a motion to have it enforced immediately.

                  Every moment that you follow her rules you are establishing a status quo. Basically you will be supporting her claim that you do not make decisions about your child and that primary residence will remain with her.

                  Act now. Do not allow too much time to go by.


                  • #10
                    I will do that today. What kind of information should I provide. I have all evidence printed and referenced in an index. Full report and case I made following ontario family law guidelines myself. I have a timeline and parenting plan. The timeline contains referenced information to the evidence and is all fully listed and summed up into easy information. What should my actual basis for this motion be? I am sorry to ask so much but I've educated myself in Ontario Family law and come so far. I feel ready. But I don't want ignorance to be my flaw.


                    • #11
                      I should also mention. I can prove that I have never not asked for my daughter since January when she left with her. And consistently without being at the point of being harassing. I asked once every few days or once a week. Every time she either blocked the access and told me that an authority told her I was not to see my daughter unsupervised, or she'd allow a 1 - 2 hour visit where she was present and actually yelling at me in public over parenting issues. In front of our daughter. I concentrated on my time and got through it. She told me she filed for court on several occasions and never did. I finally motioned and applied for custody when I realized she was never going to start it. I wish I had moved sooner on this, but I didn't and I think I have enough possibly to win this. This is not a proper role model for my daughter to see. And she has proven herself incapable of putting the best interest of my daughter in front of her own needs. Emotional and financial. My daughter also can't depend on my ex to submit paperwork on time for doctors, for her developmental worker. She once had an appointment in scarborough. My ex's mother could not drive her and my ex had to stay with her cousin in oshawa for a few days and was to take the go train, which she had been given money for down to scarborough the day of her appointment. Sge ended up spending the money while she was visiting with her cousin and rebooked my daughter's appointment after missing it without notifying the doctors office that she would not be attending. It was a critical appointment for her cast and I was unaware that she even needed more money until after she missed the appointment. These are the things she pulls on a regular basis.


                      • #12
                        She also lies constantly for dramatic attention. I have documented that. The evidence shows constant contradicition on behalf of my ex and the lies she told, and the evidence that it is in fact a lie. If the judge asks her to repeat any information she has already given. It would not be the same information.


                        • #13
                          And for the record, if I believed that my daughter would grow up and be taken care of properly with a positive role model. For her sake. I'd settle for weekends. But this is not the case and my daughter is not in a good lifestyle. She had a burn a few weeks ago from coffee she had grabbed that my ex left out. Accidents happen, so I don't think at all that it was on purpose. But it's not the only time my daughter's suffered a minor injury. But it's not because my ex hurts her, she's just messy and irrensponsible. I believe that my ex loves my daughter dearly, but she is not handling her properly. Her bank account is always in arrears according to her. She's always making excuses for the mess around her residence. She interferes with all access I am given. From June till August we had a split parenting agreement, then she blocked access again, and I immediately filed.


                          • #14
                            I'm sorry that my information is coming in several posts. Just things that I'm thinking to say so I can get the best opinion possible. I feel ready but don't know what to expect.


                            • #15
                              If you could provide the answers to a few questions I could be much more helpful. I apologize if I missed the answers in one of the posts.

                              How old is your daughter?

                              Is she in a school or daycare program at this time?

                              How far is the distance between you and your ex (kms or drive time)

                              What is the timesharing agreement you have in the parenting plan, did you make this plan together?

                              Based on your parenting plan, when should your next access visit be with your child?

                              How have you been communicating with your ex?

                              Have you been to court yet?

                              What has been filed?

                              What dates have you attended?

                              A couple of things to let you know. 1. it is 1:30 on a Friday, too late to file or act today, HOWEVER, enough time to get things together for first thing Monday morning.

                              Also please do not get your hopes up, everything you have listed is not nearly as bad as the CP in our case and she has sole custody (after a final order - not that court isn't ongoing). The important thing is to get access reinstated pronto AND perhaps take control of the medical decisions.

                              I would focus my motion on those 2 issues, you need to show with evidence that she is denying access and denying your child access to required medical attention.

                              You need to show why this is an emergency now as you will have to file and emergency motion.

                              Make sure that if you get an interim order that it is enforceable by the police.

                              Let me know the answers and I will try to help you futher.


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