Abandonment??

[ATMYWITSEND]

What is considered Abandonment?

My husband and I were wondering if his ex has not seen or spoken to their son since March 2009, and has not stopped any child support is that considered abandonment?

Something Factual would be great...we can't seem to locate anything.

[beebie]

I would think a parent continues to be a guardian of the child by operation of law.

What statute talks about "abandonment"?

If you are looking to adopt the child, then a long absence may well be relevant.

If dad has been paying child support, then he has not abandoned child.

In general, what?

[standing on the sidelines]

i would consider it abandonment. She hasnt contacted the child at all and has been doing the paying of child support and that is it. I guess it depends on a lot of factors like where does she live, her mental health etc.

If you are looking to adopt the child then if you know how to contact her, tell her that if she will sign off on her parnetal rights then your husband will stop collecting CS from her and have it terminated by the courts. Either she will step up and start to see the child or she will just think about the money and sign over her rights.

[ATMYWITSEND]

Crap, guess I should have re-read my post...she has "not" been paying her child support at all! She actually took my husband back to Court back in June of 2010, claiming "undue hardship", stating her bills were to high for her to pay child support. She also tried to claim that her income of $35,000.00 isn't what she had actually made in 2008, but it was $20,000, and that we owe her money (but she had her 2008 income tax as one of her exhibits and it actually showed that she had made more than the $35,000.00) judge was not impressed, and told her to produce her than 2009 income tax, and she than fed the judge some line about not being able to obtain her current Income Tax records due to them having technical difficulty (by the way, that is her favorite line to use when in court, her and everyone has technical difficulty when she is ordered to produce something). Anyway, there was a temporary order filed ordering her to file the correct materials, but she didn't and the Courts abandoned that case all together. The funny thing with that case, she did not request once that she obtain her access again, nothing was mentioned about her seeing her son!!!

Since March of 2009, she has moved again, (First Judge called her a transient) and she refuses to give my husband the address, we found out through her mother (who my step-son sees on a regular basis) that she has completely changed her name (first, middle & last), and when my husband googled that name he has found her on a thing called "FUBAR" stating that she does not live here in Ontario, or Canada for that matter, but in the US!!! She has pictures of herself up on this site, and she looks as though she is a porn star!!! Its sick ,really!!!

Here's the thing, my husband has been sick and while on his sick leave was fired from his job, so we only have my income coming in and its not enough!!! We have almost concluded his case with Human Rights...which will help, but we still owe out a lot of money.

Things have been peaceful not having her in our lives! Do we rock the boat, and take her back to Court for the Child support or leave things the way they are. We have talked about me adopting my step-son, but he still has a lot of emotional attachment to her, I'm not sure I want to do that to him. Don't get me wrong I love him to death, but its a lot to put on a 10 year old. I want to make sure he is ok with it emotionally. I wouldn't want him to hate me later in life. Its a hard call.

The another thing that bothers my husband, is that once in awhile because she can, she contacts the school, and bullies them into different things!! She is always threatening them, saying she will sue if she doesn't get what she wants.

My husband sees his ex as a flight risk, mental, emotional and verbal abuser, and when she does things like shows up at our sons school to have a so called "Tour of the School", it freaks my husband as well as our son out!!! She has had four tour's of the school, because this is something the school offers at the beginning of the year. I know it should be good that she wants to be part of his school things, but why not on her access weekends, why not any other time?? Its creepy!!!

[Mess]

She can't tour the school on the weekends.

She shouldn't have to bully the school into anything. She is the child's parent, like it or not, and has a right to information about the school and how the child is doing. You should be forwarding copies of all reports automatically, you should be encouraging the school to communicate and co-operate. Of course she has to give you her address to do that, but you should not have a problem with it.

She is probably at least slightly mentally ill. So what. If she involves herself as a parent 4 times a year, let her. Help her. You don't have to deal with her the other 361 days.

[ATMYWITSEND]

She can't tour the school on the weekends.

She shouldn't have to bully the school into anything. She is the child's parent, like it or not, and has a right to information about the school and how the child is doing. You should be forwarding copies of all reports automatically, you should be encouraging the school to communicate and co-operate. Of course she has to give you her address to do that, but you should not have a problem with it.

She is probably at least slightly mentally ill. So what. If she involves herself as a parent 4 times a year, let her. Help her. You don't have to deal with her the other 361 days.

I didn't mean she is touring the school on the weekends...I meant why can't she visit him on her weekends!!! She can just show up out of the blue, but can't seem make tim for her son.

Yes you are right, she has the right to information and access to his reports, but nothing else. She does not have the right to make our teachers feel inadequate, like they are doing something wrong!! She is always trying to find out information about our family and my daughter, which is none of her buisness!! She does not have the right to threaten. It is in out Court order that if she wants access to the reports and such, it is up to her to obtain, not for us to mke sure she has them!!!

And you also probably right about the mental illness, however, how is showing up 4 times a year stable...it is so hard on my step-son. The last time she showed up, my step-son was up all night with nightmares!! He is afraid of her and what she might do!! And honestly so are we!!

[raven70]

abandonment

I think it's great how you care for the child, and like yourself I would be
frustrated about the CS issue.

The birth mother cares about her child,therefore the interest in the school.
I don't think you will be able to count on CS likely so might of well take the
high road and encourage time together between the child and birth mom.

Best of luck, Raven