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Omg his ex will be the death of me..(She wants a trial)

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  • Omg his ex will be the death of me..(She wants a trial)

    I think she wants to go to trial. But yesterday she was bitching about how expensive her Lawyer is. She's a piece of work.

    Oct 12 will be my husbands third case conference. She wants 17% more added to her child support because when they first separated Dh was living alone and able to give $500 a month when he was only making 28 a year. So her lawyer is saying he can still afford to give 17% on top of the table amount he is giving. He owns 20% of his families business. We have given all papers and all accounting papers to the judge to prove he is not hiding any money. AND he isn't!! How the hell can A father live and be happy when they have these money hungry ex's? He does provide for section 7. He does everything he is supposed to!!
    This will be the death of me.

  • #2
    I know no one gives a shit (lol). But I'm seriously going into a downward spiral of depression and I need to know there might be some light at the end of the tunnel.

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    • #3
      Unfortunately I understand. My partner and his ex were just recently able to avoid court, but only because we believe she started treatment for her mental illness and made some harsh realizations. But still, he's paying full SS and CS for the next few years and being separated myself, its difficult to imagine throwing out my ex and then demanding more and more money! I hope you get help for your depression, I know its a difficult time and its best if you speak to your family doctor about it at the very least. I did, and hesitantly started anti-depressants and wow have they ever made a difference in my life.
      Wishing you well!

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      • #4
        stay out of it - it's between the two of them

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        • #5
          Dont stay out of it..

          Don't stay out of it... That statement from arabian is exactly why our Family law system is so F'd up. Nobody is doing anything to change the injustice..

          Write letters... one every night.. to every MP, MLA (MPP), Jounralists (Barbara Kay/ Peter Mansbridge).

          Eventually something is going to have to be done to end this incredibly unjust system.

          For the record.. I have been paying more in CS and SS than my net pay for 1.5 years. How do I do it? I have borrowed every dime I can from the bank, my parents, and now I am unable to get a variance.. and I take care of the kids 4 nights of the week to her three.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by arabian View Post
            stay out of it - it's between the two of them
            Totally agree with that. New partners should let their partner deal with the issues and keep their noses out of it. Better for everyone in the long run. Support him in the background and do what you want to change laws etc but let him deal with the ex. You will feel better by just keeping quiet and not getting too caught up in it. The more you do the more she will want to drag you into it. Just give her enough rope and she will hang herself.

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            • #7
              In many posts I have seen the "girlfriend" make statements like "we have provided all the information blah blah blah" - with a big emphasis on "we." Most people going through divorce process are stressed out and mistakenly accept their current girlfirend/boyfriend's "help" without thinking about how interfering it is to the other person in the divorce. In my case I have to constantly put up with my ex-husband's new girlfriend calling my lawyer, making nuisance calls to CRA and her screening business calls between myself and my ex. It's bloody annoying, counter-productive and causes many, many problems. My ex-husband knows it annoys me and that is why he probably allows it to happen. I think it somehow boosts his ego. So glad our son is 30 and isn't forced to have anything to do with his adulterating father. Pity those who go through divorces with young families. What a nightmare.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by arabian View Post
                In many posts I have seen the "girlfriend" make statements like "we have provided all the information blah blah blah" - with a big emphasis on "we." Most people going through divorce process are stressed out and mistakenly accept their current girlfirend/boyfriend's "help" without thinking about how interfering it is to the other person in the divorce. In my case I have to constantly put up with my ex-husband's new girlfriend calling my lawyer, making nuisance calls to CRA and her screening business calls between myself and my ex. It's bloody annoying, counter-productive and causes many, many problems. My ex-husband knows it annoys me and that is why he probably allows it to happen. I think it somehow boosts his ego. So glad our son is 30 and isn't forced to have anything to do with his adulterating father. Pity those who go through divorces with young families. What a nightmare.
                What you are describing is maybe a bit extreme for most situations, but majority "girlfriends/spouses" are affected by this situation. It seems that it should be easy to just leave it to the two ex-spouses to deal with the situation, but often it becomes impossible. In my situation I met my new spouse while my other situation seemed to be quite straight forward. W
                hen things got serious between us, my ex went nuts. Took me to court to take away 50/50 custody, threatening phone calls, withholding my daughter from visitations, etc. My ex is on legal aid (while receiving welfare and getting paid cash under the table) so she can take me to court for whatever reason she wishes. My now spouse is pulling her hair because of all the bs in our lives. She helps me a lot getting the requested papers together and interviewing/consulting lawyers, cause I have no time to do it. I work full time as a carpenter and my job does not allow because of the noise to speak business with anyone. Taking unnecessary time off is out of question as well since I need the money to pay cs and pay my lawyer out of my pocket. We have a baby together now, so her being a great spouse I don't see her saying to me to deal with my shit on my own. That is what spouses should be there for - to help each other through thin or thick. And if it annoys the other that much as it does my ex, then they are just bothered that the other moved on happily.

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                • #9
                  You might have a point but I would then ask you "how would you handle everything if you weren't with a new spouse?" Getting on with your life is wonderful but pitting your "new" spouse against the old one is immature and a pathetic way to avoid dealing with your own issues. How lovely that you have a new spouse who has the time to make your problems with your old wife her new career - that is what it feels like for me anyhow. It would be unthinkable for me to expect my new partner to have anything to do with my ex. It's kind of sick if you really think about it.

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                  • #10
                    By the way, if you have the time to sit and type into this blog then you certainly have the time to send emails and relate with your lawyer - if you have a decent one.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Fedupandtired View Post
                      I know no one gives a shit (lol). But I'm seriously going into a downward spiral of depression and I need to know there might be some light at the end of the tunnel.
                      I'm hoping this was said tongue in cheek.

                      But rest assured you will get through this.
                      I know it sucks the life out of you, but it will get better.

                      I really encourage you to seek out your doctors help if you are feeling down. Please make an appointment today.

                      Take care of yourself, lots of rest, eat well, and maybe start going for long walks (some sort of exercise).

                      You are not alone, and there are support groups out there if you need it.
                      By all means send me a pm if you want to vent/talk/whatever.

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                      • #12
                        Yes it was tongue in cheek. I was feeling pretty blah yesterday seeing as my husbands conference was the day before. I feel better today though. I have to keep strong for our kids and my sanity. (lol)

                        And as for Arabian , I'm not a new spouse or a new girlfriend. I am his wife and I love my husband very much and I will do whatever it takes to support him. I will not stay out of it and too even suggest it is just ignorant. We have children together. This is their Father as well. I won't listen to your garbage anymore.

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                        • #13
                          FedUp:

                          I'm sorry about your situation. I have those days too...where its just very overwhelming but I do think Arabian has a valid point that you should consider even if you don't like the way it was delivered.

                          I think the point isn't that you shouldn't support your husband. As a person who's going through a divorce with a partner who's also going through one, I'm very careful about the type of support I offer. I am always there to listen...to offer "off-line" advice, to help with research, etc. But I don't meddle in the upbringing of children he shares with his ex-wife and I definitely don't meddle in the day-to-day workings of his court case.

                          I think the point Arabian was trying to make is that it can cause extreme resentment and cause way more conflict than necessary...thus making everyone's life more difficult.

                          Being a step-parent is a really difficult balance...while you probably love them just as much as the children you share together...the dynamics are NOT the same and probably never will be. You might not like this woman...you might not like the way she parents or treats your new husband...but she is the mother of those children and you should respect that relationship for the kid's sake if not the mother's. Children need a deserve a relationship with their biological parents when those parents are present.

                          I'm not saying you are overinvolved...I'm just saying that that seemed to be what Arabian's point was and it is valid.

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                          • #14
                            I'm not trying to be disrespectful at all. I appreciate your advice. Although no where did I mention having difficulties with my stepchildren. Of course I am going to be involved in raising my stepdaughters. I'm not sure where you are getting this is a new relationship for us? I guess that's why my back is up a bit. I'm being labeled without even knowing why?

                            Of course my husband's ex is giving us trouble. She's money hungry. She has been at me since day one. I haven't engaged in anything with her ever. I don't even speak to her , I have called the police on her many times because of her verbal attacks and her pounding on my door threatening me. They have been apart since 2004. She still thinks they will be together. She is delusional.

                            Anyway , I was having a bad day yesterday. really down in the dumps. I have come to the realize that being down won't help me and I feel better today.

                            Arabian's points were in fact valid but they also confused me (and this is why I said garbage and I will apologize for that). Arabian was going off about another subject entirely. I didn't really think it pertained to me. Again I mean no disrespect and I welcome the posts.

                            Comment

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