Seperated under the same roof - spouse driving my cars

[ddol1]

I look to the group for advice on what is the right thing to do regarding the driving of my two cars (they are both in my name) and under my insurance umbrella. I spoke with my broker and she made it clear that even though my wife is the named primary driver on the other car it is for insurance ratings only - I own the cars, it is my insurance. Although it is my choice i struggle with the "if she has an accident I am screwed" I can't afford to be screwed. Darned if i do and darned if i don't don't!

I have been struggling with this for a while - online the advce is so one sided. I admit that two grown adults should be able to come to agreement on an issue like this but although we live under the same roof during seperation for financial necessity. I am the titled owner for both our cars, my wife's union has set up the insurance which gives us about a 20% discount on premiums. I have myself, my wife, my 20 year old daughter - under the rules of insurance my wife is the named primary driver on the second car - my daughter under mine although she drives the second car exclusively (several years ago this same daughter was in an at fault accident with my truck which is now sold but I have no forgiveness left should either of them get into an accident).

Sadly, again for economics, i only carry one way insurance on the vehicles due to the forth - my 20 year old son. He owns and drives his own car in thesummer but since he lives under my roof the potential threat to his driving anyone of the vehicles means that i must insure for the worst case senario - that would be to get into one of my cars and just go around the corner..... I just can't afford all this insurance. I can't afford them getting into an accident. I can control me - but I can't control them.

I have checked around for an answer regarding the issue of my wife and my daughter driving my car and driving under my insurance policy as we live in the same house during the seperation period. I shall admit that at best I have taken or been broken down to the position of "If I do not speak or engage with the spouse then things go on without building my stress levels past my ability to cope. My spouse has now proven her pattern inso much as she could not communicate when we were married so it isn't going to happen now!

I have really come to a cross roads personally. In simple terms to drive my car, wrap it around a pole and she shall walk away as my insurance record will be trashed and she basically walks. The majority online has documented, "Seperated - do NOT let her drive your car. Do not let her drive under your insurance. Stop this NOW!" I know I should be able to sit down with my wife and come to an agreement but believe me it is like living with Jeckle and Hyde and my wife is both at the same time! I have tried to discuss even very basic issues and she just about well verbally slaps me on the side of the head each time. I have given up. I wait for the Mediation to get done and over with! Comments??

[Rioe]

Hide the keys?

Transfer one of the cars into her name in advance of equalization (even though both are in your name, one of them is likely clearly "hers") and remove it from your insurance and make her get her own?

[Mess]

Look at the cost of the insurance and at the value of the second car.

I doubt that you personally require two cars. The other car is for your stbx and daughter.

Sign over ownership of the second car to your wife and sever the insurance as much as possible.

I note the issue that the insurance company will want all house residents insured should one just borrow the car. However the second car will be your wife's, the insurance in her name and it will be her responsibility.

If this seems like a lot of trouble, consider that at some point you will surely be separating physically, and eventually divorcing. At some point you need to deal with the issue of the vehicle and insurance. The current set up will not last indefinately.

[staysingle]

At this point in time you have a clear decision to make in order to reduce some of your suffering. 1) Make the necessary changes to your insurance unilaterally and in return get peace of mind that your insurance rates won't skyrocket if your stbx gets in an accident you will also receive a verbal thumping form your stbx. 2) Do nothing and live with the anxiety that you may very well pay increased insurance premiums for years to come if your Ex gets into an accident soon. This increased premium will not be accounted for in any equalization scheme.

Do something ( choice #1) or do nothing ( choice #2). You are entering a period of your life where you will be penalized for putting " your wishbone where your backbone should go"

Good luck

[NBDad]

You will almost certainly need to find a new insurance company. Most of them will NOT remove your spouse in the middle of the term.

Sign over the title to her on the second vehicle. Sever the insurance (give her 30 days notice to find her own) and then either get your keys OR pay to have the ignition key changed out.

[RAAAR]

Listen to the online advice... STOP HER NOW.

I jointly owned a (very very nice sports) car with my ex husband. He's been playing the legal cat and mouse game for two years now, so nothing had gotten done. Car still had both our names on title, both our names on loan.

He bounced the insurance payment twice, ending the policy, and then turned around and got his own insurance in his name only. I expressed my displeasure with everything as, and I quote in one of my last emails, "There is nothing stopping you from writing off the car and running off with the insurance cheque."

Can you guess what happened next? Yep.

It's too much of a coincidence that a week after that email was sent the car is totalled, and I tried unsuccessfully to obtain the police report to see if I recognized the other person involved in the accident. Unfortunately, privacy and divorce laws make it damn near legal to murder your spouse and get away clean. *sigh*

Not quite the same situation but heed my warning... separate everything NOW and COMPLETELY as soon as you can.

[momof6]

Mess said it very well and thoroughly, in my humble opinion.

Do yourself a favour and deal with this sooner rather than later.

Control what you can and try not to get too upset over the rest. You are in for a long haul, potentially. If you are this stressed over car insurance, find a good support system--you will probably need it.

[ddol1]

I am going to end this post again right at the begining - Your comments are well heard and - yes in harmony with each other! There is only one choice and I will start the process today - I will let you all know how things turn out!

Sorry took me so long to come back - my new NEW dell laptop well never made it past day1 - they tried and tried and i finally said, "I refuse your current next step of shipping EVERY internal part, motherboard, drives, switches, wire and anything else - TO my kitchen table with a home technician spending how long on my kitchen table? It has gone too far and it will stop now" Dell senior Operations Manager warranty and services - this would be four levels above the first supervisor that i insisted to intervene. I got my Brand new computer yesterday and so far it purrs like a kitten! This was bought as a first step to getting ready for the huge battle which lies ahead - I have done things with pen and paper up to now so i have a ton to do.

Your Responses are Refreashing in that I am not being paranoid or delusional and I apologize to all to who saw right thru the issue at hand - for years - sorry more than a decade I have been in a position of - I really do not know the term but my Social worker coined it very well "I suffer from the physcological abuse from what has happened for so long and now I am learning that that does not have to be my life and I deserve better. All this has been so long coming but with help of many I am learning to what my rights are and the last 4 years which I now term "my dark period" (started in 2006 when my wife brought me to the doctor as I had my first break down - almost a year on the floor following a fairly serious neck surgery - pills that well I have lost memory and sense of time over the last 3 plus years).

I see my doctor every two weeks now, my social worker every 4 ( not including the extra help I got following my next breakdown where the police got envolved and thanks to the police officer that day - I got the help i needed from the Local Mental Health Unit when my legal case was diverted to them by the Criminal Court Judge and for the next year I had specialized help for more than a year. As part of their lasting help my criminal stay was expunged (removed from record) so as my mental health case worker stated - "They helped get the right people envolved - I did all the hard work and I should be proud" When I was in front of the judge that last day in Dec 2009 The Judge made the comment of - "It has been a long time since I have been presented with such glowing reviews from your case workers to your doctors - You have indeed made some remarkable changes in your life and I am pleased to be able to stay your record and it looks like you indeed have turned your life around. I am sure your effort in the years ahead will be challenging please remember that there are people who are here to help when you need it".

So I am sure this response is far off topic and far from the scope of this forum - but as I worked so hard in 2010 to regain my life that i had lost (and yes it seems like all this happened 5, more, years ago and I almost lost my heart when the process of rebuilding the pieces it was only a little more than a year ago). I hope this may allow those who helped me here undersatand the struggle I continue to head as face on as I can my life. It is the result of my coming back to "this world" that I forced my wife to either join me, get and accept the help we BOTH need or leave. It is her choice to leave and I am reminded so often that this course of events was inevidable - I have found the strength to rediscover me - I will find a way to continue my personal growth without my Ex - it will be her loss. It will not be My Gain.

I must always point out that part of my getting thru this is the chance that I discovered this Forum and more important, much more important, is the people who make this site what it is - for that I say Thank You!