Advice on joint custody

[sixfeetunder]

My x and just separated 2 weeks ago , my eldest son moved in with less then a week after spit, he's 15yrs old , my x trowing stuff at me with my other 3 boys like she won't take them to soccer games and won't take them to practices its your father job not mine , I rented a 2 bedroom place and my boys spend more time with me then there mother , she has the house we purchase 5yrs ago , always commenting on the boys how your father afford living there ?? I work 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs to put my boys in hockey and summer sports and give my x 800 month for the 3 boys , if i file for joint and need to get into a bigger home , will have yo continue paying her the 800.00 and she wants help with her van payments above that of half of 380.00 , which i was paying full payment till the separation i figure its her van under her name and insurance , she does work full time also so there is no spousal support i take it any advice ?? the house i was told since i lived there its consider a Matrimonial Home correct and i can for 1/4 of the house value is this correct, i don't want everything just enough for me to put a down payment on a home

[dinkyface]

my god.... can you take some time to finish your thoughts, and throw a few periods in? Maybe do a spell check? I'm getting out of breath just trying to read this.

[dinkyface]

my god can take time some you to getting finish your thoughts just and throw few a read periods in maybe do a spell out I'm check trying of breath to this.

[dinkyface]

Here's my attempt at detangling it all...

My x and just separated 2 weeks ago.

My eldest son moved in with me less then a week after split. He's 15yrs old. The 3 younger boys live with my ex, but spend more time with me than with her.

She is saying that she won't take them to soccer games or practices, and that "It's your father's job not mine".

She has the house we purchased 5yrs ago. She is always commenting to the boys "How can your father afford living there?"

I work 1 full time job and 2 part time jobs. I put my boys in hockey and summer sports and give my ex 800 month for the younger 3 boys.

I am renting a 2 bedroom place. If I file for joint and need to get into a bigger home, will I have to continue paying her the 800.00?

She also wants help with her van payments i.e. half of $380.00 monthly. I was paying the full payment before the separation. But I figure its her van under her name and insurance, so she should now be paying this on her own.

She works full time, therefore I understand there is no spousal support.

I'm told that since I lived in the house it is considered the Matrimonial Home and therefore I can ?????(sorry - I'm not a mind-reader) for 1/4 of the house value. Is this correct?

I don't want everything, just enough for me to put a down payment on a home.

Any advice ??

[Mess]

Are you married or common law?

If married, it is the mat home and split 50/50.

If common law, there is no mat home, but you state "we purchased". Did both of you pay into the house? If so, you both have a right to amount paid in.

If common law, if the home is in your name then it is your home, although you may owe her for any investment she made in it.

If married, you both have equal right to possession of the home.

You have one child living with you full time and two children over 50%. You have cause to seek exclusive possession of the home and have her out. The cause would be that the children have a right to live in their home and not have their lives disrupted unnecessarily. This trumps either of you or your ex's right to possession. To put it another way, if it is the mat home and your rights to possession are equal, then having the children most of the time with you gives you a stronger claim.

Does your ex work, have any income etc?

And child support paid is calculated this way: She pays you the full amount for the one child who lives with you. For the other two children, if they are with you less than 60%, then it would be shared custody and you and the ex would pay each other. So the higher earner has the other amount deducted.

So take what she pays you and deduct that from what you pay her.

If she doesn't work, then she should be imputed at least a full-time minimum wage salary and support should be based on that.

You should file with the Federal government immediately to indicate the children living with you, the exact amount of days. You should be receiving the full CCTB for one child and half the CCTB for the other two. You should also be able to claim them as dependants and claim for any sports and summer camps. It will also affect possible GST/HST refunds. It is important to file with the CRA, there is a form you can download on their website.

If you earn too much to receive any CCTB or GST benefits, you still should file this so that you establish with the government that you and your ex are separated and that you have shared physical custody of two children, and sole physical custody of one.

In Ontario, having a child live with you is refered to as "ACCESS" and legal decision making is referred to as "CUSTODY". According to the Children's Law Reform Act, you automatically have JOINT LEGAL DECISION MAKING (CUSTODY) if the children reside with you both, after separating. This will remain true unless or until there is a court order stating differently, or there is a signed legal agreement between the two of you.

Spend as much time with the hockey and other sports, at the school, talk with the teachers, take them to the dentist and doctor's appointments, and make sure all of these professionals HAVE YOUR ADDRESS listed as the children's residence. Play fair and note that the mother's address is the secondary residence of two children, but describe your apartment in all documents as the PRIMARY RESIDENCE.

Above all make sure you protect your time with the kids, don't let the mum take them more than 50%, avoid arguments and confrontations, let things settle down and establish a routine for the kids.

Once you have them living with you for 6 months then STATUS QUO sets in and it is very difficult for the mum to challenge you and try to take full custody. Avoid games, avoid talking to her on the phone, avoid arguments, you have NOTHING to prove to her, just be a good dad and provide a home for the kids.

Speak to a lawyer soon, you can get a free hour consultation by calling the Law Society of Upper Canada.

Get the most out of your consultation, have a lot of organized notes that detail your finances and the details of the kids and the length of marriage and ownership status of the house. Have a list of questions ready. Don't let the lawyer just talk talk talk, ask your questions and write down the answers. Then rest and read and think before you act.

[dinkyface]

Good on you for being super-dad!

If she wants to stay in the house, she has to give you $ to buy out your share. Your share is 50% of the equity i.e 50% of the current market value (determined by professional appraisal) minus the remaining mortgage amount. (this assumes you are married)

The van is her responsibility.

You already have defacto joint legal custody (this refers to legal rights to make major decisions about the kids).

It sounds like you may already have shared physical custody. Your separation is so recent that there is no existing pattern, so do your best to make a regular pattern out of their current schedule that reflects 50-50 time.

Based on the above, you should be paying support according to the OFFSET (or SET-OFF) method. It gets complicated though, with the 4 kids. See The Federal Child Support Guidelines: Step-by-Step for details.

[sixfeetunder]

Here is something my wife threw at the kids about joint custody , if one parent has the kids for a week the other parent has no access to the kids until the next week , my kids refuse the idea specially 11y twin. who wants to move in with me and tried to run away 2 days ago to be with me when mom refuse to let him come over . I can't find nothing on that subject regarding visitations ? She also threw that the 15yr has to go regardless also if he wants to or not is this also true ? Please advice

[Mess]

You can do any schedule the kids are comfortable with. For example do three days/ three days with an alternating day in the middle. Like Sat, Sun, Mon, with parent A, Tues alternates, and Wed, Thurs, Fri with parent B.

One parent gets Friday nights to go out and then sleep in, the other parent gets Saturday nights to go out, etc. The kids get equal time with each parent. For long weekends if you want to go away then you can alternate holidays to keep it even.

[frustratedwithex]

In my situation, one child lives full time with the other parent, two other children live 2 weeks with me, 2 weeks with other parent. Originally we said one weeknight and one Sunday dinner at the parents’ house that the kids were not residing at that week. Because the kids are older and have their own lives, homework, jobs etc. neither one of us exercised the mid week dinner and the Sunday dinner sometimes doesn’t happen or we have it on Saturday. It’s all about being flexible.

Both of us are free to talk to the kids any time. They can contact either one of us themselves if they want. They have their own cell phones and e-mail, and nothing stops either parent from meeting them for lunch or attending any of their activities.

You need to run interference with your X don’t put the kids in the middle of these discussions.

You tell your kids that you and their mom are working towards an arrangement that works and right now there are a few things that you need to work out. Stop letting your X tell you what you can or cannot do.<O</O

[Mess]

Stop letting your X tell you what you can or cannot do.<O</O

Print this out and memorize it.