asking "what's first on my "to do" list?

[girltrax101]

I've read a lot of posts/advice here, a lot doesn't pertain to my situation, so I thought, rather than drowning in information, why not just ask a question...so here goes.

Rather than repeat the why's, here's what's happening and I'd like to know the first step to take....obviously I know to get legal help, but like I said, this is just my first step before venturing into what seems like a very dark path.

1. Living common-law for exactly 5yrs.
2. Worked within our family business during that time
3. No children together, but 1 of my own which her father is supporting.
4. What I "moved in with" has been altered/replaced.
5. Drive a company vehicle
6. Everything is in his name

Do I have ANY rights? Is it worth getting a lawyer? I'm not one to say...I want this, I want that,...but I'd at least like to have "something" if I really don't want to leave but he asked me to. What are the things I should be thinking about now?...

[karmaseeker]

Yes you have rights. You are commonlaw = lots of rights. Go talk to a lawyer. Todays todo.

[girltrax101]

damn...I thought you'd (karmaseeker) say, sorry sweetie, just take your clothes and figure it out...why would I have preferred that answer ...why does the thought of going to a lawyer scare me so?

[Mess]

Is there any possible documentation that would indicate that the "family business" was co-owned by you? Was there emails addressed to you by him referring to "our" business? Was there joint accounts? Did you have signinging authority? Were you named in documents of incorporation?

These are just examples, try to be imaginitive, I don't know anything about your details, you are the one who is an expert in your own life. You don't have to convince me, you need to be in position to convince a judge and you need paperwork.

Meanwhile, how were you paid? Did you log hours? Did all the money go into a family account? This will make a difference. If you worked and the money went into a family account then it gets complicated and messy, you will need to tally up your hours over the years, determine the worth of your contribution and then make a claim for reimbursment, minus the expenses you would have been reasonably expected to cover. If you got paid by the hour or a weekly salary then it's simpler. In either case you need to tally this and list list list everything that happened. Be organized, be complete and have as much documentation as possible.

Dig out copies of income tax returns, assesments, statement of business activity, etc and make copies. Make copies of monthly balance sheets, bank statements etc. Try to be able to show a money flow for a period of time. If you can just copy the entire 5 years on a computer file, great. If you need to make photocopies and can only do a portion, then be able to show a few consecutive months so you can demonstrate how the business operated. You don't want to run into a situation down the line where he claims he earns next to nothing and you know he earns much more with a lot more assets than he's claiming.

Try to do this discretely without making a big show of it. Right now despite any bitterness and mistrust, you two can hopefully come to an amicable settlement. If he catches on that you are collecting financial data he will get defensive. This is just to back you up, you hopefully won't need it but later when you've moved out will be too late.

Similarly make a file for yourself regarding household expenses, what you paid for, what you put into the house, what then monthly budget was and what your contribution was. Collect copies of property tax bills, utilities, insurance etc. Be able to show what a typical monthly period was like for groceries, etc. If there were repairs or renovations try to find receipts. Maybe you didn't pay and he did, fine. You want to make sure he doesn't exagerate how much he paid.

Start a small file with personal info about the family, ages, SINs, where they go to school etc. You may think you have all the info in your head, great, when you sit in a lawyer's office you save hours of work having organized in a file.

Imagine you are sitting in the lawyer's office now and they are asking you all the details of your life. Save time and do it now, not later when you've moved out and are under even more stress, write out personal details, financial details, dates of important events, costs, assets, how many bank accounts there were, RRSPs, insurance plans, cars, etc etc. List list list. Find as much as you can, make lists lists list and be able to organize it later.

These are things you can do now but probably won't be able to do later when you move out and don't have access to things like bank statements, and also you will find your stress level gradually increasing.

You should get an appointment with a lawyer for a consulation, make a list of questions (maybe things your read here but want them verified) and you should have all this info laid out in a logical order for when you sit down with the lawyer.

[cashcow4ex]

damn...I thought you'd (karmaseeker) say, sorry sweetie, just take your clothes and figure it out...why would I have preferred that answer ...why does the thought of going to a lawyer scare me so?

Lawyers usually offer a 30 minute to 1 hour consultation for free. Get some advice on your rights. Like karmaseeker said, you were common law which is almost the same as being married. Step 1 is see a lawyer. After your consultation, all your steps will be laid out for you.

[Mess]

The thought of a lawyer is scary because it means you are now on the road of a tough journey, not just sitting at home and imagining where you are going.

In an ideal world, you will talk to the lawyer for an hour, ask your questions, and then settle amicably with your ex between the two of you in a fair and reasonable way with no further legal costs. But you should speak to a lawyer first so you are in a position where you can be strong and assertive, not unsure of where you stand.

When you negotiate it's good to know what your maximum legal entitlement is. Then you can be reasonable and offer a lesser settlement (if you want) in exchange for maybe something else you want (items you are sentimental about, or the car, or just a quick and friendly ending). If you don't know where you stand you don't have sure footing and you can end up getting pushed over.

[karmaseeker]

Lawyers usually offer a 30 minute to 1 hour consultation for free. Get some advice on your rights. Like karmaseeker said, you were common law which is almost the same as being married. Step 1 is see a lawyer. After your consultation, all your steps will be laid out for you.

I do think that people should be at least informed of their rights so they don't let themselves get screwed over. I also don't believe that you necessarily have to use all the advice of a lawyer. Keep your centre and follow your own guidance of what seems right or just.

Be neither screwed or screwer. Be fair.

[winterwolf7]

Good advice... being fair is great as long as the other party has a similar idea. If not, then it gets messy...

[girltrax101]

Thank you all....I just made an appt, will considar my options, and begin this totally unwanted journey. 3 weeks ago I had a pretty great life...today...?

[lilspinx]

Girltrax,

You might be entitled to some sort of unjust enrichment claim considering the good faith that developed in the family business. You almost have to do the math to determine whether or not costs of the claim in itself win or loose is worth it considering the value of the business. Might take years to resolve.