Advice needed

[verytiredmother]

I'm divorced.My ex is supposed to provide me with his tax return and assessment every year for child support calculations. As well,he's supposed to pay a percentage of my kids' post secondary education costs.

Whenever I send him emails with receipts for education or to ask him for his tax return or assessment so we can calculate child support and education costs, he does not reply and does not answer my calls. It takes up to a month of me trying to get him to answer and then he starts all over again and delays payment as well as the tax return/assessments for months and months. He claims to not have seen my emails, but I tried out the readnotify service, which sends notification that an email has been read and he opens the emails the same day, and actually repeatedly over the weeks.

Usually, I have to threaten that I'm going to take him to court before he answers. The last time he finally sent a cheque--but he wrote out a different dollar figures than in the numbers part so it could not be cashed. Then I had to start all over again chasing him down.

He was absusive to the children while we were together and then totally abandoned them when we separated. He doesn't even ask how they are. The kids and I live on less than half his income and I struggle, work long hours just to keep up. That's all I do. Work. I struggle with anxiety, have overcome depression but I'm not in the greatest shape and this annual cat and mouse game he plays leaves me a mess. I've blocked my number and tricked him into answering the phone and I know it shouldn't, but it devastates me that he doesn't even ask about the kids. But more than anything, I just want to figure out a way to get this man to just pay what he has to and exchange tax returns until they turn 23 or are no longer fulll time students without me having to chase him, threaten him with court, plead... Because of his history doing this, I did manage to have it in our agreement that he'd pay child support via automatic deposit, as I used to have to go months chasing him down for child support cheques. Thank God for that. But the kids and I can't afford to not have him paying his share of section 7 costs, which is only at this point my son's university costs. But next year his sister will be going to college as well.

Is there anything I can do to force him to stop this stupid game and just comply promptly with the agreement and the law?

[lilspinx]

I think I would file a motion, and let them explain the games. If anything may just be enough to rattle their cage and resolve your parenting grievance.

[WorkingDAD]

which is only at this point my son's university costs. But next year his sister will be going to college as well.

may be part of the problem laying under my son's instead of our son's?

[Kimberley]

may be part of the problem laying under my son's instead of our son's?

In everything she posted looking for help due to a father who does what she is stating to avoid being financially responsible for his child, and you pick that ONE effing thing in it all to pick apart; stop being such an asshole.

[Mess]

By law he has to give you his tax information within 30 days of your request.

Readnotify is a great idea, you should also send registered letters.

You would go to court filing a motion for disclosure of his income and tax return.
Child Support - Ministry of the Attorney General

<DT>Updated Income Information</DT><DD>Effective March 1, 2010, once child support is in place, any person whose income was required to calculate child support must provide updated documentation of the other party's income each year within 30 days of the anniversary of the court order or separation agreement that sets out the support payment, unless the parties have agreed not to do so in writing. This is done by sending a copy of the most recent Income Tax Return and Notice of Assessment to the other party.

In addition, either party can always request income disclosure from the other once a year, as long as his or her income was required to calculate the amount of child support. Once a request for income disclosure is made, all of the documents listed in the section titled "Proof of Income" must be provided, including Income Tax Returns and Notices of Assessment for the past three years. Read answers to common questions about these new rules.

</DD>

[KeepSmiling]

In everything she posted looking for help due to a father who does what she is stating to avoid being financially responsible for his child, and you pick that ONE effing thing in it all to pick apart; stop being such an asshole.

Maybe he couldn't see the rest of OP's post ... new glasses perhaps?

And to VTM - ditto what Mess said.

Do NOT let this get to you year after year. It does you more harm than good to you and your family. Do what you need to do as objectively as possible and try not to let it become an issue that takes over your life.

Good Luck!

[WorkingDAD]

In everything she posted looking for help due to a father who does what she is stating to avoid being financially responsible for his child, and you pick that ONE effing thing in it all to pick apart; stop being such an asshole.

Hey! I would advice you to not even start it... Do you know history and why it like that? I just suggested that father's actions may be related to what under... And calling my son may be one of them...

being financially responsible for his child

Now it his child - IT THEIR CHILD... Both parents has equal rights and responsibilities. Father should not be treated just like provider of monies. But I do not think you really can understand what difference that can make ...

stop being such an asshole.

At least now we know your real name Kimberley

[KeepSmiling]

At least now we know your real name Kimberley

And how would we know that?

[Mominneed]

You can register your current agreement that defines a child support amount with FRO can't you? If you've got an agreement, you file it with them and they garnish his wages directly so that you don't have to chase him down. Automatic deposit sounds like he's still initiating the deposit and he can decide not to pay just to make life hard. It takes a few months to set-up but I would suggest it.

Otherwise, I agree, start a motion and ask for costs. You've requested the information and he's not being cooperative - judges hate this crap because it's a waste of their time for something that can easily be resolved between 2 people. I would hope that his being difficult means you would be able to have a cost order awarded to you on top of it all.

[Pursuinghappiness]

lol Kim. Your post almost made me spit my coffee laughing this morning.

After reading some of the posts on here...its no wonder why some people are divorced.

Despite the fact that I'm in the middle of a mess...I truly believe I can retain my sense of humor and not get bitter towards the opposite sex.

[LostFather]

You can register your current agreement that defines a child support amount with FRO can't you? If you've got an agreement, you file it with them and they garnish his wages directly so that you don't have to chase him down. Automatic deposit sounds like he's still initiating the deposit and he can decide not to pay just to make life hard. It takes a few months to set-up but I would suggest it.

Otherwise, I agree, start a motion and ask for costs. You've requested the information and he's not being cooperative - judges hate this crap because it's a waste of their time for something that can easily be resolved between 2 people. I would hope that his being difficult means you would be able to have a cost order awarded to you on top of it all.

I think fro will only collect cs which I believe you said he's paying...as far as s7 most likely if defined as a dollar amount monthly. If its a percentage...then how does anyone know what that dollar figure would be until its incurred? Then there is the argument of if the s7 is reasonable? in my opinion my anyway.

[verytiredmother]

Thank you all. I'm going to look into filing a motion and I think that might be enough to rattle him.

workingdad, your comment is ironic because all through my marriage and the separation, I tried so hard to get my ex to have a relationship with his kids, to be a dad. So did they. They really needed it. All kids need their mom and dad. Nothing would make me happier than for my kids to know they have a dad who cares and loves them and is there for them, especially since if I die, there's no extended family who'd care for them. They have me, each other and friends. When he moved out, I begged and pleaded for him to spend time with them, to call them. He didn't. When I informed him we'd been in a serious car accident, thinking he'd run to make sure his kids were OK, all he did was say 'thanks for telling me.' When I finally get him on the phone after months of no communication, he doesn't even ask if they are OK. It is my ex, not me, who sees my kids as my kids, not his, and I've finally accepted it. I'm very sorry that it sounds as if you've experienced being pushed out of your children's lives but please don't assume that this it is always like this. Men and women, mothers and fathers, there's all kinds out there, and sadly it is always the children who pay the price.

[wretchedotis]

Is there anything I can do to force him to stop this stupid game and just comply promptly with the agreement and the law?

I did not read it all.
But this is the HARD truth.

Either calm down yourself and give him a break (if it's actually you causing problems and you just can't see it), or wait until he gets to a point in his life where he's wiling to have that simple, easy, and deserved relationship with you about your kids.

Until then, keep stressing. Unfotunatley...

I'm happy to listen to you vent - as that's basically what I do here myself

LOL!

[verytiredmother]

wretchedotis

It seems you and workingdad have both read only that which you wanted to see, perhaps projecting some of your own issues onto mine.

The problem is not that I want a relationship with my ex about my children. I wanted in the past my ex to have a relationship with them but I had to learn to accept that he didn't and I can't change that. In that sense, while I didn't create the problem, I certainly wasn't choosing the only solution: accept and move on. I'm there in that regards now. Though obviously, workingdad's comment stirred up sadness and frustration and the irony stung.

Perhaps you have dealt with the issue in the past of wanting your ex to have a relationship with you about your children and found the solution was to just relax and give him or her a break. That makes sense. Since context is everything and every situation is different, you'll understand that the last thing I want is to have a relationship with my ex about my children when he doesn't have a relationship with my children!

I only contact him around tax time and when tuition fees are due. That's about two or three times a year. In fact, there are section 7 expenses I don't collect simply to avoid having to go through the hide and seek game he plays. Some I simply cannot afford not to follow up on, such as child support and post-secondary education costs.

The issue at hand is that my ex has legal financial obligations as far as child support and section 7 expenses and he plays silly games to avoid these.

I did not create this problem. Giving him a break will not solve it. And neither will waiting "until he gets to a point in his life where he's wiling to have that simple, easy, and deserved relationship with you about your kids."

Promptly providing his tax return, writing out a cheque for his share of section 7 expenses will solve the problem. And me learning not to freak out about debt and lack of money to provide for my kids won't change the problem but at least make me less stressed.

[WorkingDAD]

wretchedotis
Though obviously, workingdad's comment stirred up sadness and frustration and the irony stung.

what my comment? I read whole post again... I just noted that you called my child . It's just not right from my point of view. It is still both of your child.

Basically message going across for me that it's my child by you (father) have resposibilities.

I agree that for some people it's not big deal but for me personally it's since my ex's actions...
It take a lot of maturity from other side to understand that:

1. Father moved out from apartment to keep little one in calm environment because mother just can not let it go and everyday @#%#$%$ day start over and over... But even after moving out father did everything what kid needed. All shopping (for mom too so little kid will not have to be dragged to store) all med app... Come every day at least ONCE a day... Mom can not understand that every time father leave his heart brakes. But he has to for child well being because father know that even infant pick up that bad energy. That father have to hide his emotions toward child because even slight sign and mom start thinking that they will be together ...

Can you imagine what it's like?

mom still saying I left him... No I left you mom not him and you just have to let it go....


2. when father married another women that his son was big part of the decision. Because father want his son to see happy relationship between man and woman. to see love not hate toward each another... dad want his son to see that just because his mom and dad not together does not mean he can not be happy with woman ...

but mom can not digest that. She went for the kill. For the kill of the father, his new family and big part of her own child life current and future...

I am sorry if my comment make you sad. I did not mean to...