Access on long weekends

[Stubbs]

Here's a quick question, and one that my ex disputes with me:

Friday is a PD day off school for my children. Normally, I would pick up my children Friday when they are finished school at 11:30 and 3:30 respectively.

I told my ex that since it's a day off (and our agreement says that Mondays and Fridays off of school are counted into my weekend) that I would be picking my children up at those same times on Thursday.

She refuses, and copied me an email from her lawyer saying that it's at her discretion for me to have them on Thursday, and that I can pick them up Friday morning.

I believe that she is wrong, and her lawyer is just going along with her.

Any thoughts or intrepretations?

[HammerDad]

It really depends on what you agreement provides. If it provides wording that contemplates PD days along with long weekends, then you go by that. If it is moot on PD days etc. you a) have a badly worded order/agreement and b) should try to mediate with your ex to have it included.

In a reasonable world, one would expect that you would be entitled to the extra day. But individuals involved in family law matters are rarely reasonable, thus I always exclaim to the need to have a clear and comprehensive parenting schedule (long weekends, summer, march breaks, christmas, easter, PD days, fathers day, mothers day etc etc etc)

[billm]

Who cares what her lawyer says - that is BS - unless you are unable to read. Her lawyer is biased and would even interpret wording intentionally wrong to screw you - that is what lawyers are supposed to do (in the sick world of family law that is)

From what you said, I agree with you. It seems pretty clear to me that if you get them Friday night for a weekend, you get them Thursday night for a long weekend.

She is a....

[Stubbs]

My agreement states that any Monday or Friday off of school (including holidays and PD days) become part of my weekend on my access weekends.

In the past, we have had this arrangement where I would get them on the extra day no problem. But we have a case conference in just under 3 months to deal with a multiple of issues regarding the childrens' schedule and my now me ex has decided to just be difficult.

[MommaBear73]

I don't see why she won't other then being mean and spiteful. My ex takes them on the Thursday if they have the Friday off or until the Monday if they have the Monday off.

[HammerDad]

Simply quote the clause and state that it is your interpretation that in accordance with X clause, the Thursday night is deemed to be part of the weekend due to PD day and that due to the previous instances where there was a PD day and such extra day was included in extra parenting time, you intend on following the previous practice and the agreement.

[NBDad]

Personally I would simply send an email to her saying you do not agree with her changing the way the existing status quo has functioned up until now, and indicating she can either give them to you on Thursday as with the existing arrangements, OR she can violate the status quo, which you will be documenting and you will come get them Friday morning at the time they would normally leave for school.

I agree, your ex is just being a pain in the butt.

Just make a note to have the wording revised at your case conference.

[Gary M]

I am sad for your kids

Gary

[Stubbs]

Thanks for the input, folks.

This has been a 2-year ordeal for me, but I have a Case Conference booked for June 28th to address my extremely one-sided and poorly-worded Separation Agreement and my ex's complete inflexibility.

I'm seeking increased access, as I only have to work 3-and-a-half days a week, yet my ex only lets me see my children every other weekend (an arrangement which is not only horribly out-of-date, but clashes with my work schedule).

I am notifiying my ex and her lawyer of my intentions to pick up my children on Thursday, as we always have on previous PD days. If she takes issue with that, she will be free to send the police to my residence to see my SA, which spells out my access and is on file with the court.

[karmaseeker]

Us too

Just got letter from her Lawyer saying we were not allowed to pick up the kids as per the status quo for Thurs after school on Easter and they have to be back on Sunday night. She lied to her lawyer and said that we pick them up on Friday morning which has NEVER been the case. I don't understand why they can just say what ever they want and deny access. She also refused our week access at christmas. The law is too slow. waiting for a date for case conference.

I hate liars!

angry moment, sorry!

[wretchedotis]

Who cares what her lawyer says - that is BS - unless you are unable to read. Her lawyer is biased and would even interpret wording intentionally wrong to screw you - that is what lawyers are supposed to do (in the sick world of family law that is)

From what you said, I agree with you. It seems pretty clear to me that if you get them Friday night for a weekend, you get them Thursday night for a long weekend.

She is a....

bitch.

And this is the correct answer.

[LostFather]

Thanks for the input, folks.

This has been a 2-year ordeal for me, but I have a Case Conference booked for June 28th to address my extremely one-sided and poorly-worded Separation Agreement and my ex's complete inflexibility.

I'm seeking increased access, as I only have to work 3-and-a-half days a week, yet my ex only lets me see my children every other weekend (an arrangement which is not only horribly out-of-date, but clashes with my work schedule).

I am notifiying my ex and her lawyer of my intentions to pick up my children on Thursday, as we always have on previous PD days. If she takes issue with that, she will be free to send the police to my residence to see my SA, which spells out my access and is on file with the court.

I have been in the hell hole for 4+years now and having an ex that does not agree to anything...I believe you have a long way to go. The cc is by no means an enforment hearing. In fact the judge can not make an order without her consent....the longer she says no...the more status quoe is achieved by her. I hope for your children's sake she is more reasonable than mine.

I went to trial and the judge actually extended my access on the long weekends to Tuesday..but says nothing about Friday's or when there are those pd days that fall on mh weekends...guess what...I don't get them. What's 'reasonable' goes out the door when dealing with access your children....and the sicko thing is its usually us dads trying to see our children and its the moms holding our children over our heads...can you imagine if it was a role reversal and we were the ones refusing access or holding our children's well being over the heads of mom...we'd be strung.

I wish you luck at your case conference a couple of things I would suggest you get in your order if on consent...a police enforment clause....and first right of refusal...so that if your ex decides to withhold access you then can get the police to remove them from her home or if she were to go away for a week or even overnight for any reason you get access over a week a babysitter or other family member over you. And before you say to yourself...she wouldn't do that....trust me...I said the samething to myself over four years ago...and I am not the exception to the rule...there are many of us dads in the same boat.

Good Luck

[Stubbs]

...And her lawyer sent me a letter notfying me that my long weekend access only includes the Friday, so I can have the children only at 7:30 AM that morning, and not any time on Thursday. And if I pick my children up earlier she'll advise my ex to call the police.

I guess at this point I just have to suck it up and use her lawyer's letter as an exhibit as yet another example of my ex's inflexible and unnecessarily strict adherence to the vague wording of an outdated agreement.

And yes, she is a horrible bitch (in case any of you were doubting it).

[HammerDad]

Remember this for next time should she need any sort of consideration in return.

[karmaseeker]

I am sorry you guys have to go through such torture. The pendulum has swung far too far the other way, when women behave so badly. Retaliation at the cost of the children. Terrible! It is a testament to you all how hard you fight for your kids. Perhaps Fathers rights will be heard as more and more Dads take a stand for their children.

Kudos to you all.