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  • Advice request

    So ex has not responded to my settlement offer and we have a SC scheduled for next Friday. There has been a material change: I start a new job on Monday and my salary will be significantly lower. It also means that I will have to drive 20 minutes one way in a different direction to take our daughter to school/daycare.

    So I guess I have a few options. I'm hoping the judge will lay into him for several things:
    1. not responding to any of my offers- all reasonable

    2. even worse, the whole reason a full OCL report was not filed was because both parties agreed to attempt settlement. He has made no effort at all. Could I propose that he is somehow trying to have the full report repressed by deliberately not responding?

    3. He has not responded to my requests for 2009 tax information, making me behind in CS since I don't know what to pay (there was never an order as at last CC I was paying offset).

    So what are my options? While I am willing to continue to drive out of my way to take daughter to school, this can't be done forever. The job is an internship (4 months) and there is no guarantee it will be extended. Plus, I can't afford to stay for the pay rate, I am making a sacrifice as part of my schooling.

    So If I continue to be reasonable, I will leave her in school where she is and do the driving. I won't ask for a change in CS, as I know it is temporary. We can continue 50/50 and status quo.

    But, I could also go in there with all guns blazing and ask for a big change due to all of this. I don't think that it is the best thing to do for my daughter, but I don't know if this crazy schedule and sitting in the car for 2 hour drives everyday is worth all of it just to "preserve the equality of parenting".

    Those of you wno know my situation, please let me know what you think? Am I being fair? Should I be? At what point do I stop bending and put my foot down?


  • #2
    Just a couple of questions - Where is her school/daycare in relation to your home and his?

    Your drive is 20 minutes with her to the school/daycare and 20 minutes back to go to the new job?

    What is the dad currently to get her to school? (sorry can't remember what schedule you are currently on )


    • #3
      1.Judge isn't likey to blast him for not responding, but may blast him for not appearing motivated to settle. Almost the same thing I guess.

      2.Get the OCL to provide the report. I thought they don't file the report if you actually settle, not just if you tried and failed. That's ridiculous.

      3.The normal lag for adjusting CS based on your changed income will only kick in the spring of 2012. Continue to pay the current amount. When are you supposed to review the CS based on 2010? Usually it is b/w April and June.


      • #4
        Currently we both drive 45 minutes to drive her to school. It won't be a longer drive, since I won't be moving, but it does add 40 minutes to my commute. I know this isn't directly reflective on her, except that it means getting up earlier, getting home later and will affect her routine at home. It is certainly not going to be good. My total drive will be 1.5 hours one way.

        The OCL recommended we continue with this set-up mainly because we both work in Vaughan and it was the only answer to allow continued 50/50. If I don't work in Vaughan, then the reason for her being in school 45 minutes from both homes becomes nil.

        I'll ask for the OCL to provide the full report based on the inability to settle, if we can't settle next week. I knw that is going to take a long time though. GRR. Wouldn't have agreed to the abbreviated report in the first place if I thought this was going to happen and it means and even bigger delay.

        I know the CS change would normally happen once per year, but it wasn't even adjusted this year. I know for a FACT that his income has gone up at least $10,000, which would have mean a reduction to where the offset was almost nothing. I've made attempts to determine what I should pay, but since he hasn't responded, I've been holding the money. Since the difference is probably about $30 a month in offset, it's possible the court will just waive it.

        Ideally, we could just continue as things are and settle this. Its not really worth the arguing when I think the salary reduction is likely temporary. But given how far he has taken this, and not been willing to make any moves towards settling, I'm starting to think I might have to use this to get him moving.


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