advice..lawyer!!!

[billiechic]

I'm having problems with my lawyer. During the OCL meeting she didn't seem to support my offer of a 2-2-5-5 schedule and it seemed like she was actually against it. Funny, because the OCL lawyer was supportive of it, as it solves some of our problems. She claims that he recommended a 2-2-3 schedule (which he did, as an example of a shorter schedule as opposed to week about). She seems strongly against me offering the 2-2-5-5, which I am adamant on (as refusal by ex would show that he either does not feel extra-curriculars are impt OR that he doesn't want me to "win".)

Now I get an email where some of the recommendations she claims were made are WRONG! She says Easter was to go to ex, but that is completely NOT TRUE! OCL recommended the same schedule for Easter and Thanksgiving (sat to ex, Mon to me and rest of weekend to whomever has daughter on regular schedule). EX and I actually agreed to this in the disclosure meeting, so now I am FLOORED that she has this wrong.

Also said there was a recommendation for 2 weeks consecutive for summer holidays..nope, 1 week each, plus option of a second week (not consecutive) either in summer or at another time in year. Not that I am against either having a 2 week vacay, but not arbitrarily. There should be a reason I won't see my daughter for 2 week (b/c she went away, not b/c ex just wants to keep her from me every summer b/c he can!)

I feel that she is not supportive of my suggestions and is putting more emphasis on settling this matter than on actually taking my direction. This is not the first time either, I apparently "gave up" my pseudo sole custody at a CC when we agreed to a consent order. She somehow dismissed the fact that ex had been ordered to consent to medical decisions. If we agreed on consent to "continue joint custody" does that mean that I gave up this? Does each order completely replace the previous one unless explicitly stated? She even opposed my suggestions for scheduling right from the start, and claimed that they did not work, when I could show that they did.

I don't know what to do here. We are at the point where we could settle, but I feel that my interests and ideas are being swept under the carpet by my own counsel. We have been offered mediation through the OCL (at cost) and I am thinking that I stand a better chance not having to fight my own lawyer. I even send her a full list of my requirements for settlement (including notation on what things I would negitiate, which I would stand firm on) last Friday, and she still ends the email from today asking for my direction. WTH was that list for? TP???
AGHHHRRRRRR!!!

[dadtotheend]

I thought that the OCL did not recommend a specific parenting schedule. Now you're saying they did? I'm confused. Did you not get a copy of the executive summary of their recommendations? It should be clearly laid out in there. Go back and compare what your lawyer says to that executive summary.

Also, you should have copies of all court orders that have been made. Can you not go back and review all the orders that have been made?

[tugofwar]

Billie,
Lawyers make alot of mistakes. They are just too busy and don't always remember things, conversations etc. It's too easy for things to get misinterpreted etc. Don't fully trust everything they do, make sure to read things twice and make sure that YOU are satisfied. They can offer advice but you need to stand firm on what you feel is right and they need to respect that.
Go with what you feel. Tell them what you want and tell them to produce it.
It's common that they ask you what direction you want to go next even though you have explained it already.
You've done your homework, you are more informed than the regular person.

[Mess]

Tell your lawyer that when she gets divorced she can make all the decisions on her own file. Tell her that she doesn't know you, your child or your ex 1% as well as you do. Tell her that you are happy to hear reasoned recommendations from her, but that the decisions are yours. Tell her that if you wanted someone to make arbitrary decisions on your case you would have gone to an arbitrator. Then tell her your friend Mess is going kick her f*ckin ass if she doesn't smarten up.

Or go with what tug said, she's nicer about it.

[billiechic]

Thanks so much guys. I know I am emotional about this, but that is not the basis of my problems.

I have not recieved any written comments from the OCL lawyer, only the verbal recommendation as discussed during the disclosure meeting. I KNOW this is where most of the problem starts. He said that he was giving us his recommendations verbally, and that if we intended totry to settle he would send the court a truncated report that basically said that we were trying to settle. IF we diceded not to attempt settlement then he would file a complete report and that it would take a lot longer to get there. I know I want to settle this, but how can I when there is a discrepancy in what the recommendations really were??

[tugofwar]

That doesn't seem right? He could have said anything. I think you both should have been given a copy of the findings.
Im guessing they are not going to do the paperwork if they think you will settle. But then again, it becomes a he said she said and OCL said.
There's been a discripency between you and your lawyer. Wonder what the ex and his lawyer heard.
Is that normal protocol? Could you not call and question the procedure? ( not saying calling your OCL directly but find someone that could answer your questions and concerns?)
If you wait too long before asking for disclosure, it will just prolong it further.

[billiechic]

Oh, I know! Prolong... I think that's a pseudonym for OCL!
I'm sending a fax to the OCL for something else, so I am going to ask if there is any way to get a written copy of the recommendation as there seems to be some misunderstanding. Hopefully that will straighten things out. If not I might have to tellthem to hold off on settling so that I can actually read what is being recommended. Of course that's only if ex doesn't accept my offer or negotiate.

As much as I want this over, I am not in agreement with some of the recommendations. I don't feel that accepting them without confidence that they are actually what has been recommended is in my daughter's best interests. I think that makes sense..

[dadtotheend]

Tell your lawyer that when she gets divorced she can make all the decisions on her own file. Tell her that she doesn't know you, your child or your ex 1% as well as you do. Tell her that you are happy to hear reasoned recommendations from her, but that the decisions are yours. Tell her that if you wanted someone to make arbitrary decisions on your case you would have gone to an arbitrator. Then tell her your friend Mess is going kick her f*ckin ass if she doesn't smarten up.

Or go with what tug said, she's nicer about it.

Another hiliarious response. You're on fire. Sorry billie I know you ain't looking to be comedied but that was great.

I have not recieved any written comments from the OCL lawyer, only the verbal recommendation as discussed during the disclosure meeting.

WHAT? No executive summary?? What a dingbat!!

[Mess]

I would bypass the OCL lawyer and enquire at the OCL head office for a copy of the summary. The lawyer isn't co-operating but I can't imagine it is policy to withhold that from you.

[dadtotheend]

The more I think about it, the executive summary is probably not a requirement of the process. The clinical investigator assigned to our file is very well known in her field and I believe that we got a written executive summary because that is how she operates. Indeed in hindsight we very fortunate to get her (easy for me to say). I have a number of acquaintances that are in social work and I have heard on several occasions that we "got the good one".

Our executive summary was 19 pages long. The formal report was over 200 pages, but that included a lot of appendix type information i.e. police reports, CAS stuff, many different doctors reports. The time between our disclosure meeting and the issuance of the report to the court was around two months.

I suspect that billie's worker just doesn't make it a practice to provide a written summary. That's very unfortunate because now she only has her and her lawyers' memory to go by and that is not going to very reliable, especially in view of the highly charged and emotional state one finds oneself in these meetings. Now it appears that she will have to wait for the report before making a sound decision vis a vis an Offer to Settle.

[billiechic]

I like Mess's response. I can ALWAYS use a laugh, especially right now.

Yeah, I think a written recommendation is not required until the report. I am going to send him a fax today (didn't have time last night) and ask. Can't hurt to ask I hope.

I don't know if sending the OCL the counsellor's records is going to make a difference at this point. I got the distinct impression from the OCL that ex denied that there was abuse, but I only learned it 2 days before disclosure. I immediately did everything I could to obtain a copy of counselling records that showed he had admitted to abuse, but of course they weren't available that quickly. OCL Lawyer knew that the records were on the way, I just don't know if he can/will consider them now.

While they aren't reflective of ex's parenting skills, they speak volumes about his honesty, and lack of it if he is in fact denying the abuse occurred to the OCL. He himself was the one who admitted to the abuse.

[billiechic]

So, OCL called last night. Turns out that I was completely right on all the things that my lawyer had wrong. I can't believe it! The fee for that meeting was almost $1000 and she got 3 major things WRONG!

What to do now? I'm thinking that if she doesn't respond to me today (to email sent last Thursday) then I will have to email her and detail what OCL said and somehow indicate that she had the details wrong.

Can anyone suggest a GOOD lawyer in Brampton, or maybe TO? If this isn't settled in the next 2 weeks I think I'll need a different lawyer for trial... And I'll need one who is GOOD!

[rustedinnocence]

I'm sorry you have to feel that frustration with your lawyer....i understand it all too well... it seems that the only time my lawyer listens to me or does something is when i start talking about her being too busy and that perhaps i should see someone else...
I hope you get a reply real soon and although i can't help you more I can offer you a virtual hug and wishes sent your way to help you feel some calm injected into your life amongst all the unwanted turmoil...

[rustedinnocence]

Can anyone suggest a GOOD lawyer in Brampton, or maybe TO? If this isn't settled in the next 2 weeks I think I'll need a different lawyer for trial... And I'll need one who is GOOD!

Catherine Haber (that might be spelt wrong...i'll check with my friend later tonight) she is in Burlington and is suppose to be a top notch pitbull.... but she's EXPENSIVE... 600/hr I think and quite a high retainer.
But if she can get done in half the time what others do, then the expense is pretty reasonable...

[InterprovincialParents]

OCL is mandated to provide copies of any and all recommendations (for a fee, mind you) to all interested parties. I would pay the fee, and ask for the report.