50/50 shared parenting is more like 75/25

[suppertime]

My wife and I have been legally separated since July 2010 but separated since Nov 09. We agreed to shared parenting/custody 50/50. I pay her $750 a month is CS. Although the first 2 weeks were 50/50 I am starting to see the kids more and more ( which is awesome ). It is more like 75/25 now for me. They were with me the entire month of August for example. Prior to our legal separation they were never around their mom ( they didn't to ). I was the parent going to meet teachers, taking them to activities, taking them on trips, making their lunches, helping with homework etc.

My question: What should I be doing to reduce my CS and/or eventually get custody of the kids? They are 9 and 14.

What documentation should I be keeping etc? How can I prove they are with me etc?

Thanks,

[dadtotheend]

Let things ride for a long while more i.e. at least 6 months or even a year. You want to have a status quo develop that puts primary residence with you. At present that status quo has only been for a short time, since August if I'm reading you right.

Meanwhile, document, document, document all the times that the children are with you and all things that you do that determine custody.

Once the status quo is firmly entrenched, then you advise Mom that you both need to revise the CS arrangements since the children live primarily with you. After she calms down from the inevitable amount of squawking and bitching that will no doubt occur, you advise her in writing at least once or twice that if you can't come to an agreement, you will have no choice but to seek the court's assistance.

The problem of course for you will be that you will have to continue to pay CS (presumably it is currently offset CS based on shared parenting) while this status quo develops. The touchy feely part of all this will be how long do you wait before you have confidence that a status quo has developed that can be endorsed by the court vs continuing to pay CS while it develops.

As for custody, it may be best not to seek changes in custody.

The other kicker in all of this is that your 14 year old;s preferences as to where he/she wants to live will be given some weight by the courts should it get that far.

And you need to evaluate whether a potentially nasty scrap between the parents over money will affect your children's well being.

[suppertime]

I have been documenting things since the marriage began to fail in Oct of 09 so I have over 1 yr of documentation. I just feel I am not documenting things properly or correctly. I keep my notes in a hardbound book and I also email myself notes to two different email accounts so they are time stamped by 2 different government based time sources.

I basically document if they were with me. What we did. Who saw us that day. What time they went to bed.I just ask myself how will a judge believe me. Am I missing anything? Does anyone have a sample page from their journal?

[Rioe]

I have no samples to provide, but I would suggest that in your documenting, you keep any outside paperwork so you have external proof about the activities. Movie ticket admissions, restaurant receipts, pictures of them at soccer games, trick-or-treating, school concerts, dance recitals, braces off day at the orthodontist, etc. Make it like a scrapbook and the kids can even help with it as a fun project!

[NBDad]

Of course, if you are the one doing all the doctor/dental appointments, you should be a nice guy and email the ex a short summary of what went on so they are kept in the loop too

This makes sure she then can't try to claim she was involved in those things...otherwise why would you need to email her

You need to suck it up for 6months to a year (a year is better) to cement status quo, and then do 2 things. File forms with CRA to reflect the new status quo for the CCTB/UCCB and formally request from your ex agreement in writing about having to change the existing situation.

Your documentation is pretty bang on, if you need to get copies of any forms you signed for appointments (ie. for insurance) or receipts made out to you showing the date/time.

Keep yourself visible and active in their lives, their school and their extra curricular activities.