Can we Start Fresh? Our Story ...Can you offer Advice?

[ConcernedDad71]

Yes, it is 7:30am as it is a Holiday. oi

[ConcernedDad71]

By our current access agreement it is the Mother's year for Thanksgiving, and because of the following week on the schedule she will have my daughter until I think it is 3:30pm on Monday, but because it is a holiday it may be something like 7am, but not sure and will have to look at the calendar and the schedule and figure it out to be sure.

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

Sorry...this is what were saying "mom" stood up court the other day and practically yells to Judge that were trying to take time away from her then she turns around and forfeits time, sends another attempted settlement email saying she will NOT take less than 50/50 or 40/60 split of time

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

Its "mom's" year...and not tape recording I bought a planner where I document all dates times and occurences

[lumpy]

According to your current agreement where is your daughter supposed to be on Thanksgiving?

And - are you guys recording any of this?

[ConcernedDad71]

I agree, it is taking up so much of our attention because we want something done in our favor because we believe in it so much. I know it is stressing us out, we try and keep it as much away from the children as possible for a home normalcy sake. I am torn because for a child of 8 yrs, a year of this dysfunction and torment on them is probably equivalent to 3-4 years of our adult lives. A child at 8 yrs goes through so much development changes so very quickly, we blink as adults and they are already grown up. To have them develop with this sort of childhood as memories and parental teachings, what is it doing to them when they become adults.

These are the things that concern me and anger me about our current Court System. For a Judge not to look at all the submitted affidavit evidence to determine things like "it is apparent that mediation cannot work in this case" "There needs intervention immediately to stabilize this child" "It is clear that the applicant is trying to salvage habitual residence for these two children and shall grant Status Quo for their stability and normalcy". None of this happened for me because the Judge did NOT want to deviate no matter what was in front of his face. He appeared to be afraid to make change, even when change was made temporarily he averted back again.

I hear stories like this often and understand I'm not alone, so why does it happen? And, how can we put things down and how can we make it more clear to a Judge. Lawyers love to prolong, it puts them in a new $90,000 car every year and allows them to give their family a wonderful life at our children's expense. The system is messed up, but we as the parents fighting for our children need to combine what "has" worked and share it with each other to fight the dysfunctional family court system.

[ConcernedDad71]

Sorry, after I asked her politely about the coming early and parking there she said, NO you can have our daughter Monday, forget about Thanksgiving. Rolled up her window and went back to txt'ing.

To use our daughter as a continual tool to hurt me is juvenile and disgusting. This sort of behavior has to stop. She needs to move on in life and face facts of life after divorce with children.

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

and TY Kitchner i was actually kinda waiting for your advice...

[ConcernedDad71]

I think where CSM and I are heading with this thread is a continual barrage of legal points a Judge will take direct and concerned notice to in order to grant me an Interim Order to stabilize my daughters life.

Even after last nights offer of her revoking her Thanksgiving weekend with our daughter but when I politely asked her not to show up so early, ring my doorbell to inform she is there anytime our daughter is ready to go, and to sit in her car on the street, that our daughter is being put in a vulnerable state. She is playing outside with her friends, listens to her mother state that the girls will be out there and if she wants to leave now (girls meaning the boyfriends daughters). It is not fair for my daughter to feel pressured to go, feel obligated to stay, it is all too much for to endure so often.

So, all we are asking for here is not to chat or get frustrations off our chest but to hear some legal advice to trigger a Judge to hear what is going on. My ex is a very good public speaker, she is a public service worker and she has been in charge of others, so she is a bit more in her comfort zone standing in front of the Judge than I. SO, what can be put on paper first for a Judge to review and be aware will help.

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

I have to say lumpy you are right in a way about it consuming us...but I want to say something somewhat in our defense, our lives have been bound by this schedule and being on call, and while I understand that "mom" will be a part of our lives until kids are grown up, that a divorced couple shouldnt have to bend over backwards to suit the others needs...if you were still married most definately, but youre not any longer so things should change accordingly

[J_Kitchener2010]

1 year in litigation over this and NOTHING done....

I was in it for almost 4 years and to say we had litigation fatigue was an understatement. I'm not trying to discourage you or make you think your case will go on for years, just that at some point you have to try and compartmentalize things. As Lumpy says, go for a drive and take a mental break from it all.

Easier said than done, I know, but as you yourself said earlier on my other thread life is way too short. Before you know it a year can pass you by. It can consume you and take away precious time and attention that you would normally give to your kids.

I only say this because I woke up one day 2 years into our litigation and it hit me. Where had the time gone. Other than obsess about court and strategize and speculate what else had we done with out lives and our kids. It really hit me hard and I just decided to let the chips land where they fall. We only have so much control over this process. I really empathize with you.

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

Can I say ...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! to everyone, and you guys have actually been really awesome in trying to help us we are very thankful for that.

[lumpy]

Sounds perfect!
Enjoy

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

Sorry lumpy...just a lot of information is all and trying to get people to understand it can be difficult, over a forum, you should see the stack of paperwork we have ....LOL and would love a massage but conveniently again, the resoondent isnt paying child support so we are broke...and aI am not repaeating the length of time LOL, at any rate a hot bath sounds gr8 after this evening I will be focussed on a day of r and r fr thanksgiving

[lumpy]

CSM, slow down... Blink & I were answering you post right before ours about what to do about her showing up early / late. Telling us "I want you guys to think logically too..." and then going back to your main story is hard on people trying to reply to you. We are trying to help and make a tough spot better.

I know that you would like more responses... but I think most people may be out of fresh ideas for you... Seems to me that you are doing everything you can to get your case heard. I know that it sounds terrible, but try to be patient (and before you answer me back - Yes, I know how long it has taken you to get to this point).

At this point I think that maybe you need a bit of a break - go get a massage, go for a drive with a cd cranked & sing along - anything to give your head a break from the situation. When you get to the point where you say that you "can't endure this any longer." Then you are no good to your child. You have no choice, you have to endure it. Most likely until she is 18 or out of University. You have to find some way not to be consumed by it.

Good Luck