World is crashing down

[lost_confused]

After 8yrs of being together and 3yrs of marriage, it’s coming to a quick and resounding finale... My wife packed up the 2 kids (girls, 3yrs & 2months) and her stuff and went to stay with her parents while she "sorted things out" meanwhile she will might be back sometime next week to gather her stuff? So after my head stopped spinning and coming to the realization that my marriage may in fact be over.

So with all that, I am shifting gears into doing whatever I can to get my girls back, without going into petty details on why I think the mother isn't the best for them is neither here nor there. Logistically their daycare is down the road and the school they will be attending is a 5mins walk from our front door. Just as I'm sure now of this will matter but to give people a better perspective I am the only supplementary income.

I am not asking for anything to tell me what to do, as much as I'm looking for advice from people that had/have similar situations and their experiences with them and also some legal custody links that could make things a little more clear.

This is in the GTA.

Thanks!

<O</O
<O</O

[dinkyface]

First thing - if you do not make it clear right now that you do not consent to her taking the kids, ***the courts may assume that you DO consent***. And that is helping her on her way to gaining sole custody (i.e. she makes all decisions, you are bystander) and you becoming an 'every-second-weekend dad' ( I'm assuming you don't want that)

First thing to do is to email her that you do not consent to her taking the kids and that you want to discuss ASAP an interim access schedule for ensuring your kids continued contact with both parents.

Write EVERYTHING down - don't rely on your memory for anything. Better to use email for communication, since it leaves a trail, and is easier to deal with when in emotional upheaval.

[rustedinnocence]

put in writing that you want her to bring the kids back to their home, where they live, where their friends and school are, where they are comfortable, the only home they know... tell her you will go to councelliing with her if she wants, that you are willing to work on things, that you will compromise, but you wont' compromise the well being of your children. Let her know in the letter that the children's well being is your primary concern and that if she absolutely can't live there, then she can leave and visit the children when she wants but she is not to remove them, uprooting and shaking their little lives ... let her know in no way shape or form do you give her permision to remove the children from your custoday or their home... then get a lawyer asap and show him the letter and any reply that she sends back... be sure to keep the kids best interests in the forefront, not just on paper, but in your own heart as well... good luck... what she did is like kidnapping ... it is not acceptable

[billiechic]

what is above...do it. If you don't you are going to make this much more difficult for all of you.

So sorry that you are in this situation. Welcome to the forum.

[NBDad]

Read my separation checklist I compiled:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...st-links-7706/

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Allowing her to leave WITH the children was a mistake, and one that you need to rectify NOW if you want to have any hope of 50-50 if this goes south.

Unless your wife is a documented danger to the kids, she's entitled to 50-50, just as you are.

[dinkyface]

Other ideas on how to keep your position strong

1) Realise that you HAVE Joint Custody right now. ALL your actions should embody that i.e. be an active, involved, helpful, cooperative parent. Get out there with the kids in the community - some of the people who see you may be willing to provide affidavits about your involvement. This also includes stepping up financially i.e. pay your (proportional to income) share of expenses such as daycare, clothes etc.... If you earn more than she does, you should look at what the Federal Child support tables say you should be paying (it's the table amount for your income minus the table amount for her income).

2) Look for ways to demonstrate (preferably in a way that leaves an evidence trail) your desire to reduce conflict and move ahead cooperatively with regards to the care of your children. She can claim for sole custody on the basis that you two are unable to cooperate/communicate (even if she is the one causing the trouble!).

See here for very basic info on our family law system
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/index.html

[lost_confused]

Thanks for the advice/links so far. It's very much appericated!

Just wanted to add one thing. I did not LET her go, she was gone when I got home from work. The only reason why I know where she went was a note that she left on the dishwasher.

[logicalvelocity]

Nice to see, parent's helping other parents...

[lost_confused]

Wife called me eariler this morning at work to let me know that she is coming back on friday because she is meeting friends at the house. She didnt make any indication if she will be staying after. So as it stands I'm not sure if she's coming "home" or just meeting some friends then leaving again.

Her visit with friends is 11, I won't be home from work until 630.

Is there anything I can do to possibly stop the chance of her packing up more (all) of her stuff after her visit, taking the kids and leaving again?

When I tried to call her back, there is no answer. I'll keep trying.......

[Rioe]

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Get everything out of that house that you do not want her to take. Leave personal stuff with friends ahead of time, bring important documentation (passport, banking, etc) to work with you that day, etc. Even furniture, if it's yours alone (inherited stuff, for example, whatever was yours from before the marriage, etc.) and the kids' things too, as you are operating under the assumption that you will have joint custody and they will need these things at the house.

Call me paranoid, but there's no reason for her to meet friends at your house instead of anywhere else unless they are there to help her move. You even say in your first post that she said in her dishwasher note she would be back later in the week to get "her stuff." Well, that's all she gets to take. Her personal stuff, not the communal stuff, not the kids' stuff.

If you really want to make sure, pop home on your lunchbreak, if you can, and see what's going on. If you feel that could lead to a confrontation, bring some friends of your own as witnesses. Get a digital recorder and have it on your person, recording, during the encounter. Frankly, I would advise you to take the day off if at all possible and be home for the entire thing, with a third party, and recording it. Make sure she's only taking her own, personal stuff like clothing and so on. Keep your cool (hard, I know!) and let her know that this is the children's home and they should be there, so she doesn't need their stuff, and that you will be seeking legal advice regarding their return, as you intend to continue being their parent.

[dinkyface]

And if you bring a friend to witness, preferably choose a non-lawyer friend! I went to visit my ex in hospital the day after our daughter was born (it was certainly an unexpected and unwelcomed visit, to say the least). I brought along as witness my oldest friend in Canada, who works across from the hospital. He is an 'intellectual property rights' lawyer.

So, guess what accusation appeared in her response affidavits: "He brought a lawyer with him when visiting me in maternity ward!!!"

Yes, it can get that stupid.

[lumpy]

Wow dinkyface! Quite a ummmm...... resourceful woman your ex! If only she would put those powers to good use .... lol