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Changes to Agreed and court documented agreements

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  • Changes to Agreed and court documented agreements

    This is going to get complicated so please bear with me and I hope I explain things clearly....

    I am separated, she was the applicant in court and acknowledged the children reside with me. (This is full time). It was stated in court documents she has access on Sunday afternoons or when mutually agreed.

    Other issues under discussion at the time were documented in court and at the next hearing she brought them up again. I (unrepresented) stated to the judge the issue was already discussed and documented previously.

    1. At what point does documented decisions hold up, or can she just keeping bringing up old issues each time (even if decided upon and not in the case conference brief as an issue)

    Another issue at court was regarding her having too much influence in what is going in in the home - the judge told her outright when the children are with me she doesn`t have a say in what is going on, only on the big issues like schools etc. (I have them 99.5% of the time)

    We are now in a situation where I am breaking up with my SO and there has been some stress in the household. My eldest (15) has been `playing`on this a little as he doesn`t get along with my SO and has recently been spending more time at his Mum`s. This was discussed by my ex, son and I.

    My son (like a lot of teenagers) are pushing limits and it seems to me he is using some of this to get out of doing basic household tasks (dishes etc, really pushing it). This (I am ashamed to say) did lead into two physical altercations (pushing) and I shouted that if he couldn`t follow a couple of basis rules then he needed to go to his Mums for the night - which he then did (these incidents were a few months apart).

    Last night, at 6:30 when I called him down for dinner, he showed up awith a back pack and said he was going to his Mums - I had no idea (not discussed or arranged). He said he discussed it with her!

    I called (and was abrupt rather than inquiring) that I had no idea this was arranged and It was not mutually agreed (we had spoke about Thanks giving arrangements only a day or two earlier). I was angry. She said it was my responsibility to get this information from my son, said it depended on her work schedule and that I would need to call her each day to find out what was going on - I disagree completely....I said they live here FT and it is she that needs to communicate with me, not through our son.

    There is no a voice mail that if I my ex `does not see proof that my SO is moving out of the house within 2 weeks, she will go back to family court to say I am not supplying an emotionally fit home and she will call my parents (overseas) and set them straight on what is really happening.

    BTW she lives in a bachelor pad so does not even have separate bedrooms. She and my youngest had issues in the past and CAS were called in at one point telling her off for physical abuse so I feel there is a lot on her side as well.

    I have made mistakes - I shouldn`t have had another person move in, except that it seemed to work for at least a year, I have been stressed recently and was drinking when I had the altercations with my son,

    The youngest son has adapted well to the situation, the oldest son has always required a lot of attention (and resents my SO taking that away) and is very similar to his mother.

    Even when married I was the one who took them to their extra curricular activities, went to school events etc. When breaking up, my ex said it was my job now as they needed their male figure and she would get them to and from school and cook dinners!

    For at least a year, she only saw them occasionally (2-3 hours on a Sunday afternoon) and they never stayed over etc. Once went to he mothers place for a couple of days - the rest of the time I had 24é7 responsibility.

    Q: Can she just make blanket threats. ..I am saving the voice mail for use in court if required. How much weight does past court documentation have - ie they live with me and how much proof does she need (or does my eldest just get appointed a lawyer and can speak more for himself)

    Any knowledge, feedback on this would be appreciated

  • #2
    She can "say" anything she wants...whether she'd have a chance in hell of doing anything about her threats....not so much.

    Your 15 year old is of an age where his wishes would potentially carry a lot of weight with the court. Although they aren't going to let him just flip flop as teenagers are apt to do.


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