Some of you have helped me out on my situation but need general help:
Overview:
Divorced father of two boys aged 7 & 9 currently. Separated 2005 ex wife had primary residential custody in matrimonial home (Mississauga), I moved out, no separation agreement. I had kids 40% of time (as this was her arrangement with her 2 kids from prev marriage). Worked out to way more because she was away with her boyfriend all the time.
I moved to Kitchener beginning of 2007 for decent job opportunity. Ex and I agreed that I would take the kids every weekend instead of split week days and weekends, due to the distance.
I got custody in 2007 due to Domestic violence in her home (stemming from alcohol & drug abuse). Lost license due to DUI
OCL got involved and their report recommended sole custody to me. Ex vowed to fight and her lawyer told us to prepare for a LONG trial. Already had spent all my money and was in huge debt.
Ex wife approached me for settlement after the trial conference where judge strongly urged it.
Result:
- Joint custody with me having primary residential
- She got my half of the house in return
- No child support to be paid by ex wife
- She sees kids every other weekend and 2 nights per week. Specific times are stated in the agreement.
- Transportation shared 50/50 except weekdays in which she stated she would provide transportation. She agreed because she claimed her drivers license would be reinstated within a year (2009).
- Random drug and alcohol testing for her boyfriend who was responsible for most (but not all) of the domestic violence.
- Proof of regular councelling for boyfriend
- Shared vacations and summer holidays etc.
Reality:
- Ex wife has split up with said boyfriend.
- She has moved 4 times in last 18months and had to live with her mother twice for 6months and then 3 months. Mother could not handle having our kids around so I was constantly asked to pick them up earlier than arranged. I have kept very detailed records of every transfer incident.
- Ex wife has not excercised weekly access - claims cannot drive here during the week, due to not being able to get license back.
- Ex wife cannot provide 50/50 transportation on weekend either for same reasons and forces me to provide this.
- Ex wife claimed bankruptcy and is now on welfare
- Have lent ex-wife money several times
- she still drinks and has called me, with the kids in her care, noticably intoxicated. No proof though.
She has emailed me and stated that she has legal aid and is going to go back to the courts for the following reasons:
1) She wants primary residential custody because the boyfriend is out of the picture and she's trying to get her life back(Everyone who knows her, knows her motivation is solely financial in nature - she wants the CS payments).
2) She wants to change the transportation and access arrangements, claiming material change in circumstance. i.e. her boyfriend is no longer in the picture and she agreed to/suggested transportation terms based on him being able to provide transportation. Although it says nothing to this effect in the court order.
3) She claims we (my spouse and I), are terrible parents but she'll never be able to prove this as it is entirely untrue.
4) She never asks to see school reports, to be involved in school activities, or to be given school schedules and curriculum. Has never attended concerts or sporting events etc. We have the boys enrolled in numerous activities outside of school.
5) She is alienating the kids telling them that I won't let her see them and that I took them away from her.
6) She emails abuse and threats at us everytime we do not provide transportation when it is her turn. We have shown a ton of flexibility which always seems to backfire.
7) She is now attending courses and has moved into a rented townhouse. We are confused as to how she will pay for this on welfare as she has been evicted a few times prior to this.
Need advice:
What are her chances in your opinion regarding the custody arrangements and transportation issues?
Should I continue to be flexible (even though it is affecting our family life and creating diappointment for the kids a lot of the time) or stick to the court order only?
To summarize, kids have been with me for 3years. In that time 2 new baby brothers have entered the picture and new bonds have been formed. We have a loving and stable home and there have been no material changes in circumstance on my end.
Neighbourhood and school friends have been made. Kids grades have improved.
I am in turmoil over these things and cannot bear the thought of my kids going back to live in that situation. They are allowed to do whatever they want there and all stability and structure goes out the window. Not to mention the choice characters that she entertains from time to time.
Some of you have given me very sound advice for which I amvery grateful, but more is welcomed!
Overview:
Divorced father of two boys aged 7 & 9 currently. Separated 2005 ex wife had primary residential custody in matrimonial home (Mississauga), I moved out, no separation agreement. I had kids 40% of time (as this was her arrangement with her 2 kids from prev marriage). Worked out to way more because she was away with her boyfriend all the time.
I moved to Kitchener beginning of 2007 for decent job opportunity. Ex and I agreed that I would take the kids every weekend instead of split week days and weekends, due to the distance.
I got custody in 2007 due to Domestic violence in her home (stemming from alcohol & drug abuse). Lost license due to DUI
OCL got involved and their report recommended sole custody to me. Ex vowed to fight and her lawyer told us to prepare for a LONG trial. Already had spent all my money and was in huge debt.
Ex wife approached me for settlement after the trial conference where judge strongly urged it.
Result:
- Joint custody with me having primary residential
- She got my half of the house in return
- No child support to be paid by ex wife
- She sees kids every other weekend and 2 nights per week. Specific times are stated in the agreement.
- Transportation shared 50/50 except weekdays in which she stated she would provide transportation. She agreed because she claimed her drivers license would be reinstated within a year (2009).
- Random drug and alcohol testing for her boyfriend who was responsible for most (but not all) of the domestic violence.
- Proof of regular councelling for boyfriend
- Shared vacations and summer holidays etc.
Reality:
- Ex wife has split up with said boyfriend.
- She has moved 4 times in last 18months and had to live with her mother twice for 6months and then 3 months. Mother could not handle having our kids around so I was constantly asked to pick them up earlier than arranged. I have kept very detailed records of every transfer incident.
- Ex wife has not excercised weekly access - claims cannot drive here during the week, due to not being able to get license back.
- Ex wife cannot provide 50/50 transportation on weekend either for same reasons and forces me to provide this.
- Ex wife claimed bankruptcy and is now on welfare
- Have lent ex-wife money several times
- she still drinks and has called me, with the kids in her care, noticably intoxicated. No proof though.
She has emailed me and stated that she has legal aid and is going to go back to the courts for the following reasons:
1) She wants primary residential custody because the boyfriend is out of the picture and she's trying to get her life back(Everyone who knows her, knows her motivation is solely financial in nature - she wants the CS payments).
2) She wants to change the transportation and access arrangements, claiming material change in circumstance. i.e. her boyfriend is no longer in the picture and she agreed to/suggested transportation terms based on him being able to provide transportation. Although it says nothing to this effect in the court order.
3) She claims we (my spouse and I), are terrible parents but she'll never be able to prove this as it is entirely untrue.
4) She never asks to see school reports, to be involved in school activities, or to be given school schedules and curriculum. Has never attended concerts or sporting events etc. We have the boys enrolled in numerous activities outside of school.
5) She is alienating the kids telling them that I won't let her see them and that I took them away from her.
6) She emails abuse and threats at us everytime we do not provide transportation when it is her turn. We have shown a ton of flexibility which always seems to backfire.
7) She is now attending courses and has moved into a rented townhouse. We are confused as to how she will pay for this on welfare as she has been evicted a few times prior to this.
Need advice:
What are her chances in your opinion regarding the custody arrangements and transportation issues?
Should I continue to be flexible (even though it is affecting our family life and creating diappointment for the kids a lot of the time) or stick to the court order only?
To summarize, kids have been with me for 3years. In that time 2 new baby brothers have entered the picture and new bonds have been formed. We have a loving and stable home and there have been no material changes in circumstance on my end.
Neighbourhood and school friends have been made. Kids grades have improved.
I am in turmoil over these things and cannot bear the thought of my kids going back to live in that situation. They are allowed to do whatever they want there and all stability and structure goes out the window. Not to mention the choice characters that she entertains from time to time.
Some of you have given me very sound advice for which I amvery grateful, but more is welcomed!
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