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He won't grant me a divorce :(

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  • He won't grant me a divorce :(

    I was married 16 1/2 yrs. We have now been separated 5 1/2 years. Our legal Final Court Order was signed 3 years ago. It was to go to court but with the death of my mom that same week it was delayed. His lawyer drew up some papers and had them faxed to the hospital, I signed them and sent them back as I was not in any shape to go to court.
    We have 3 boys ages 16, 17, 19. They did not want to move away from their friends and school's/university (I was forced to move out of stalking/control issues with X) so the boys moved into the matramonial home back with their father.
    A few (of the many) lines of our Final Court Order states
    #1 "Respondent Father have custody of children". I only signed this letting the children know that it needn't matter who has custody, we are both their parents and love them the same. I really signed it because he is very controlling and would never have left me alone if I didn't.
    #2 "The applicant pay no child support for the children in consideration of the applicant having agreed to a smaller equalization payment from respondent, having given up her claim for constructive trust and in consideration of her having waived any arrears of child and spousal support and having waived any future payment of spousal support" We owned 3 houses together. He never paid child support or spousal for the 2 1/2 yrs before the agreement. He stayed in the matrimonial home as he would not leave and wanted to keep me under his eye so I moved out with the children. I left him alone financially and did not seek his pension or equalization. I drive to see the boys every other weekend.
    #3 "In the even that an order is made obliging the applicant to make a child support payment to the respondent pursuant to the federal provincial C.S. Guidelines contrary to this order, the respondent shall forthwith fully indemnify the applicant for any and all such payments that she is ordered to make." He is not granting me a divorce now unless I pay child support. He lost his job of 23 yrs just last year and is angry I do not pay child support. He forgets what I gave up financially when we signed.

    My problem is... he refuses to give me a divorce. I have requested in email 2 times a year for the last 3 years and he deny's me. He says no judge will allow me to divorce him because I do not pay child support. He feels he is wrongfully treated because I pay no child support. I reminded him today in the email of the above points that HIS lawyer had written up. He states that "I need to find a real job, one that I can punch in and out of and pay him child support. That he will not grant my divorce and to re-try him in a year. He said he will contest it and that no judge would grant me one anyway". I have an amazing job that I enjoy and he knows this. Of course it is his last attempt at controlling me. He has always begrudged me of my job because he had no control of when I started or finished as I was self employed. He feels cheated out of child support. I was cheated out of child support for 2 1/2 years that he never paid and he made a great wage. He was laid off last year but also came into a large upper 6 digit sum of money left from a relative. He does not plan on finding a job now.
    In the end it is the children who suffer, hence one reason why I never sought the money that was owed to me after our separation because it ultimately comes out of the kids pockets in the end.
    Can I apply for a divorce and do you think he can contest it on grounds of child support? The papers were signed and I gave up ALOT of money that was owed to me from arrears and equalization of properties ect.
    The stories are horrific of the mental abuse I suffered from him and the control he put over me and my life. Example of why I never sought alimony was , and I quote from him.. "Dead X wives cannot cash alimony cheques".
    Please, any help would be great. I do NOT want to seek anymore lawyers and cannot afford anymore. I just want an un-contested divorce at the least. I want to know that if he contests it on grounds for support, will it have a hope in H377 of being changed.
    For those of you who made it to the bottom of this lengthy message, thank you for reading and I look forward to any responses.
    Rhonda

  • #2
    I am not sure but from what I have read on here before, you can seperate the divorce from the other issues. He cannot stop a divorce after over 5 years of separation, that is him still trying to control you. He can contest it if he wants but he should be very careful as if he doesn't want to live up to the agreement that he made with you a judge will frown upon it and may decide to reopen the whole property division thing. Did you get a lawyer to look at the papers before you signed them???

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    • #3
      Dear Sidelines,
      All our other issues have been finalized. So that is good news for me to hear. Another item is the 5 years part. I heard this before being said but could not find anything on the web about it. Only thing I did read was that there was no automatic number of years that divorce is absolute and that it can be contested. I just can't imagine spending one more penny to defend myself.
      Yes, a lawyer did look over my papers as it was my lawyer who did the faxing to me at the hospital. It was X's lawyer who drew up the papers and gave them to my lawyer. I felt very pressured to signing most anything as my lawyer reassured me that X would never leave me alone and this was the answer to end it. My lawyer is no longer around because he retired 2 months after that so I can not ask him questions hence also why the pressure in signing anything. Two sides to that coin.
      Your reply gives me confidence that there is hope he will not get this case re-opened and if he does, then an entire property division will be addressed. My actual C.S. would not even come close to what I would be owed. He did however have most things transferred into his fathers name same as he did all of our belongings from the house when I walked out with the boys. Once everything was finalized, the house went back to normal the boys said. He never gave me one stitch of clothing for the boys or myself, nor bedding, nor any of my life's belongings and birthday presents. He soon became the father of the year for the boys and would buy them anything and everything. It was good for them tho because they gained a father they never had before but they sure learned and were old enough to know how to use it.
      There is so much more to every story in everyone's life and I feel I could write a book (almost am right now lol) , but bottom line is, this divorce will be the final chapter to the end of my first testiment.

      Comment


      • #4
        I agree with SOTS. He seems to have given you the impression he holds the power to GIVE you a divorce. He doesn't. You can apply ro sever the divorce from the other issues and proceed anyways, you don't need his permission to divorce, you've been seperated much longer than the required 12 months, so there is nothing he can do to keep you from being free of him. Do some research on how to sever the divorce and then get yourself a free consult with a lawyer to make sure you have all your ducks in a row.

        Comment


        • #5
          Sever the divorce, that is new to me. I quickly checked into it and it means to separate all the other issues. That's about what I need. I am sure tho that all other issues have been finalized, but again, as stated earlier, he's threatened to re-open if I try for a divorce.
          I'm going that route and will seek a free consult. I'll line up my ducks and feel that by the end of this day, I'll have some pretty good advice that will steer me and give me the added boost I need to fight back.
          Thank you

          Comment


          • #6
            Don't be swayed by his threats, it's ridiculous that he'd want to carry on with this any longer especially if you've already dealt with all the other issues. You can file for divorce and as long as he has been notified, it will go through even if he doesn't bother to reply or sign anything. They will approve an ex parte divorce without any input from him. I'm glad you came here and asked instead of taking him at his word.

            Comment


            • #7
              Yeah it's called a simple divorce. For anything regarding custody/support simply put in...."already dealt with as per separation agreement" and then attach a copy of it to the petition.

              It takes a few months to get going, and you need to serve him and he gets opportunity to respond.

              Total cost is somewhere between 100-150 depending if you use registered mail or how you go about serving him,etc.

              Also, unless you had independent legal advice prior to signing the SA, technically you have grounds to contest it if he decides to push things.

              Hell, you can contest it anyway as being under duress due to being in the hospital with your mother and her subsequent passing. Your ex would be a damn fool to try and void the agreement and request support. You could then turn around and request full review of equalization. He's blowing smoke out his ass.

              File the paperwork, give him opportunity to respond (and he doesn't have reason to contest...there is a signed SA for custody/access/support and division of assets AND you've been living separate and apart for over a year....he has NO grounds)

              Comment


              • #8
                NB Dad where or what site would I begin to look for those papers? I had called a court in my area and asked them and they said it is about $750 total for everything. Of course the less costly the better for me so your $100-150 would be more like it
                Thank you so much for the advice all, otherwise I would wait another year and "RE-TRY" as he puts it... (just makes me shake my head)
                Rhonda

                Comment

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