Dwindling Communications

[rrrr1234]

Hi. It has been so kindly advised via other posts that it is essential to maintain communications with your estranged spouse in efforts to resolve as many pending matters as possibly can be done preferably outside of court. However, what is one to do, when the other parent of your children decides to leave their employment to return to studies...abroad. Communication lines go down when out of the country, however when visiting Canada...visiting the children is always mentioned but not pursued. Other forms of communication with the children is offered but then commitments are not met. However, also when visiting the country, list A - Z is provided to me to respond to ...preferably ASAP. Essentially, it is in the best interests of everyone to try to resolve as many matters as possible but when it is requested that the same type of cooperation be reciprocated for other pending matters...all communication lines go down. It feels as though it's their way or its the highway. This is very concerning as there are certain things that I just can not agree with for various reasons, but because of the 'underemployment'...studies....living abroad (so very convenient, eh) etc. things have become more complicated and it feels as though there is too much leniency, via the system, for the party that is not very cooperative and pretty much has excuses for everything. It is even more daunting when the other party knows that I do not have the resources to pursue full legal battles, the other party has deliberately become very careless in responding appropriately, diligently and within prescribed timelines to what is required of them. How is this possible, how can one just become oblivious to their obligations, responsibilities and knowingly but silently ridicule me Or, how do I get the other party to reason with me in efforts to try to resolve most outstanding matters of which I believe there are many?

[rwm1273]

It sounds like your former spouse wants to know about the kids, but does not want to know the kids.

I would ignore the demands, or atleast the deadlines for the demands.

You do have an obligation to communicate about the children, but it sounds like this is a never ending job. Just stop doing this. By continuing to let your ex place these demands on you, is enabling your spouse to abuse you. My court order specifies that my ex and I are to communicate via email, and discuss health and school issues. This has helped to limit the topics for discussion.

Depending on the age of the kids, I would set up a specific dates and time when your ex could have a video chat. you do not need to be involved, and any info the ex wants, he/she can find out from the kids. I worked overseas for a number of years, and understand how distance communication can be difficult.

[rrrr1234]

Thank you for your response, it is very helpful.

Indeed, communications via video conferencing and personal visitation (when in the country) have been offered and scheduled but unfortunately I do not even receive advanced cancellation notices. Everything that has been scheduled to date, has in fact been cancelled. It is difficult especially when the children are of age to understand that one of their parents is absent and has made little or no efforts to communicate or stay in touch with them, yet they continue to miss their other parent. Marital matters/discord should not obscure fulfilling responsibilities that one has towards their children. I can understand that there are parents who voluntarily separate in order to get better jobs abroad so that they may financially support their families/children located elsewhere, but there is 'good faith' or good intentions involved in those scenarios. In mine, it's the exact opposite. Deliberately leaving a good paying salary job to acquire further education, I am all for education, however if it's not a necessity at this very moment than supporting the children is in my opinion the most important responsibility. There are online educational opportunities these days, so getting educated while remaining employed is an option. And there are more and more options being given for parents of children to work from home. When there is a will there almost always is a way.

I agree in that I won't be responding much to the demands of my estranged spouse. However, in order to draft even a separation agreement, it is almost necessary to have most pending matters resolved (cooperatively). According to the other party, I think that this may only happen at their convenience....

Thanks again.

[dadtotheend]

It must be very frustrating for you to have the kids disappointed by missed appointments. Unfortunately that's out of your control, so very difficult to fix.

Deliberately leaving a good paying salary job to acquire further education, I am all for education, however if it's not a necessity at this very moment than supporting the children is in my opinion the most important responsibility. There are online educational opportunities these days, so getting educated while remaining employed is an option. And there are more and more options being given for parents of children to work from home.

Yes, in your opinion. Not your ex's it seems.

[InterprovincialParents]

What we do when a scheduled webcam is missed is send an email to document the fact that access was missed...you may want to start keeping a journal!