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a case of parent alienation

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  • a case of parent alienation

    little background:

    mother was under supervision order for 2.5 years
    due to horrific abuse against my 3 young children.
    last 6 months she has been given rapid access to the
    children in the form of "every 2nd weekend" and "weds

    she was also given 2 x 1 week holiday access, 1 week
    in july and 1 week in august.

    while this increased access was occurring the children
    were ordered to see a therapist selected by the mothers
    and childrens lawyers ...

    during the last 6 months of increased access the children
    would say things to me like :

    "dad, its not normal for children to be with there father,
    children live with thier mom's"

    "dad, why dont we live with our mother cause she's a girl
    and were girls"

    in heated discussions with the therapist the therapist got
    really p1ssed at me and said "children should be with their
    mother especially girls"

    i was court ordered ( i would have done it without ) to give
    their lawyers appointed therapist a list of 'rules' in my house , like bedtimes and internet and tv access'

    to make my point consider my oldest had no internet access due to giving out her name/address and phone number to strangers inside games etc - i had intercepted a phone call from an adult women looking for her ... hence no internet until i got her enrolled into a internet safety course.

    i sent the mother the concerns about internet and she agreed to implement same rule in her home , HOWEVER the mother took the list and basically removed any restrictions around the rules in my home, like "here's a laptop - surf the internet until you hit the end"

    the childrens lawyer is known locally as CLERC , the local
    men's group is sceptical of them as a 'mothers only' group
    i am not having a positive experience with them either

    3 weeks ago life around the house was pleasent, however 2 weeks ago
    upon returning from the week holiday with their
    mother the oldest child (11) would not speak to me, she showed
    utter contempt for me snearing when I asked her how her day
    was ... i didnt press her but over the next week i asked her what she
    wanted and she told me "i want to live with mom"

    so i told her i would try and help and have now dropped her off
    at her mothers to stay indefiently ... not heard from her sense
    i complained to the children's lawyer who's only concern seems to
    be "will she remain in same school ?"

    i asked my lawyer to see if we can get "my oldest and me" into
    therapy together in a couple of weeks once she cools off ...

    i know this sounds negative but from (many) past experiences i
    expect this to be filtered and smoothed over in court as sound something like " this child has simply shown a preference to live with the mother " and what i see as alienation will simply be lost ...

    what else if anything can be done ? , if you read other posts of mine you will see my many lawyers are 'dosile' non combative - last week my lawyer offered no solution and simply stated "she hasnt won" ... the way I see it is there are no winners in any of this

    help ?

  • #2

    You are blind when it comes to what your wife is tellling your daughter. You may never know the truth, yet if it is affecting you emotionally or affecting your health you have to cut your losses. You cannot change your daughters decision to be with her mom. The courts wont force her to change her decision either. If you find it very difficult to accept, I would suggest that you go to counselling, to help you move on.

    It is very unfortunate in divorces but alot of children are used as pawns. These games that these sick parents play only end up affecting the children later in life and impacts their future.

    The only way you can keep the children from their mom is if you prove the children are in grave danger when with her. This is not an easy thing to prove. Involving lawyers and people who specialize in alienation will only put you further in debt. You have to truly weigh the pros and the cons.

    Im sorry for what you are going through and feel very badly for your children and how this will impact them later in life. Sometimes our hands our tied and the best we can do is just move on with our life.

    I have been told by many people that in time the children will see the truth, time will tell.

    Take care


    • #3
      EOW and Wednesdays is not rapid access, even coming from a supervised access situation. It's standard access for a NCP. You have an overwhelming status quo.

      There is nothing unusual about a daughter wanting to be with her mother more. As a loving parent you should find a way to increase her time with her mother. That doesn't mean agreeing for her to live with her, but maybe offering an extra evening a few times a month for them to do something special. If you can offer up something to acknowledge the bond between them then it can only look good if the mother petitions for custody.

      Good Luck.


      • #4
        If the kids have started to say such things like this, and the therapist is in agreement, I would be going to court to have this therapist removed. It is not normal for a woman who had a supervision order to get the kids back just because she is a woman. I would be talking with the worker you had from CAS to see if they are willing to intervene and help you out.

        Furthermore I would check on the credentials of this therapist. Sounds like this therapist should have a hearing to see if they should be permitted to provide therapy.


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