Advice for a father waging his battle alone...

[Generation "X" Dad]

If you'd like to read my introduction, you can see it in this thread here: http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...s-system-7108/

So, as listed in my introduction above, I am currently at the Trial Management step of the Family Court process. Like many fathers out there, I am not financially able to hire legal counsel so I am fighting this on my own. I have numerous links saved to my favourites for Family Law Act, Family Law Rules, Ontario Court Forms and The Guide To Procedures In Family Court.

Our Case Settlement Conference was today and because my ex and I are entrenched on the issues of custody, support and access, it has been moved to the next step.

I swear I am aging a year for every hour I spend sitting in the waiting area or the courtroom. I served my ex with papers after she attemped to take time with Adia away from me after an argument (like many times before) and in the nearly four years prior to me serving her, I have had near equal access to my daughter. Then not twelve hours after I served her, she filed her response with the court basically painting me as a bad father who hardly helped out.

I'm in the process of researching Trial Management proceedings and processes as well as the paperwork (Form 17E) and if it goes to Trial, I know I'm in for a long tough road when I walk it solo. As far as I know my ex is representing herself too as she is in a similar "cannot afford a lawyer but cannot qualify for legal aid".

I guess I'm just in a swirling vortex of emotions here. I have never hated anyone so much in my life as I do my ex right now. I kep my anger and such out of my daughter's sight and earshot for sure, but if my ex showed up here one day with both my daughter and her daughter, handed them to me and said she's never be back, I would grin from ear to ear and feel elation so intense it could only be rivaled by Max Millions win.

[logicalvelocity]

Considering leave is required for motion - I think you want to push the issues to Trial to foster final settlement. Form 20 and Form 22 are useful right about now....

[hld]

I totally understand what you are going through, as my BF is going through the same thing. There are lies being told and little does my bf's ex realizes we have proof of those lies. She is wasting everyones time and money. He too is going this alone for he cannot afford a lawyer. so we have been finding out everything we can to educate ourselves as much as we can.
I could go on about my opinnion on things but it could get very lengthy. lol (im a woman lol) all i have to say is, women wanted equal rights, thats fine, but what about the mens equal rights when it comes to courts and their rights?

[hld]

I myself went through a custody battle years ago. I will admit that i did whatever i could to make sure i got custody, the only thing i did not do was lie. But i did use my ex's disadvantage to my advantage. yes i wanted custody of my son, but i also had other motives too, i wanted to show that i had contol of everything, and i will get what i want.

But now that i have been watching the other side (the man's side) and experiencing what men go through, the ex telling lies and denying access when things dont go HER way, or if she thinks he is doing something wrong in HER eyes, and taking him to court for support (that he has been paying, we have proof) she is saying he hasnt paid anything towards the child.

I sit back and think,,,,,OMG was i really that much of a bitch? and i also think the other motives i had, were WRONG and i will admit that!!

With this ex her motives are the same as mine were years ago, and i think that is wrong. she is not doing this for the child, she is doing it for selfish reasons.

The father loves his daughter very much and he will do anything for her, including trying to keep the peace with the mother. even tho he had to battle Shingles and dealing with our own lose, due to a miscarriage. (that was her other motive and she didnt care.)

The whole point to this is,,,maybe women should stop and think, before they act on anger and revenge.

[standing on the sidelines]

I myself went through a custody battle years ago. I will admit that i did whatever i could to make sure i got custody, the only thing i did not do was lie. But i did use my ex's disadvantage to my advantage. yes i wanted custody of my son, but i also had other motives too, i wanted to show that i had contol of everything, and i will get what i want.

But now that i have been watching the other side (the man's side) and experiencing what men go through, the ex telling lies and denying access when things dont go HER way, or if she thinks he is doing something wrong in HER eyes, and taking him to court for support (that he has been paying, we have proof) she is saying he hasnt paid anything towards the child.

I sit back and think,,,,,OMG was i really that much of a bitch? and i also think the other motives i had, were WRONG and i will admit that!!

With this ex her motives are the same as mine were years ago, and i think that is wrong. she is not doing this for the child, she is doing it for selfish reasons.

The father loves his daughter very much and he will do anything for her, including trying to keep the peace with the mother. even tho he had to battle Shingles and dealing with our own lose, due to a miscarriage. (that was her other motive and she didnt care.)

The whole point to this is,,,maybe women should stop and think, before they act on anger and revenge.

Well it is nice the know you realize what you did was wrong back then. Have you taken any steps to rectify your mistake??

[hld]

yes i did. and i have learned from it as well!

[Mess]

I don't think it's a man/woman thing. When a couple breaks up we are filled with anger and bitterness and it's really really hard to make all the right choices. Sometimes you give too much because you feel guilty and awful, other times you want to take too much because you are bitter and hateful. But it goes for both genders and both sides.

[hld]

True enough it does go for both sides....as i am watching what is going on,,,i see the ex being spiteful, bitter and stops at nothing,,,the only one she is hurting through all of this is the child, for she uses the child to her advantage, and when she does this the father backs off and does what she wants in fear of not seeing his daughter, cause she does deny access when things dont go her way!

[Generation "X" Dad]

I myself went through a custody battle years ago. I will admit that i did whatever i could to make sure i got custody, the only thing i did not do was lie. But i did use my ex's disadvantage to my advantage. yes i wanted custody of my son, but i also had other motives too, i wanted to show that i had contol of everything, and i will get what i want.

But now that i have been watching the other side (the man's side) and experiencing what men go through, the ex telling lies and denying access when things dont go HER way, or if she thinks he is doing something wrong in HER eyes, and taking him to court for support (that he has been paying, we have proof) she is saying he hasnt paid anything towards the child.

I sit back and think,,,,,OMG was i really that much of a bitch? and i also think the other motives i had, were WRONG and i will admit that!!

With this ex her motives are the same as mine were years ago, and i think that is wrong. she is not doing this for the child, she is doing it for selfish reasons.

The father loves his daughter very much and he will do anything for her, including trying to keep the peace with the mother. even tho he had to battle Shingles and dealing with our own lose, due to a miscarriage. (that was her other motive and she didnt care.)

The whole point to this is,,,maybe women should stop and think, before they act on anger and revenge.

I appreciate your honesty hld. I too feel my ex's motives are out of spite against me (I initiated the breakup) not to mention financial, for if she has our daughter more then she can ask for more support and she can continue to claim any goverment tax credits, benefits or childcare subsidies.

It's just frustrating because I know how much I love my daughter NOT TO MENTION her daughter as well, who I will add STILL asks to this day if she can come stay with me (sleepovers) whenever I see her. She does the same to my parents as well.

Most of my frustration resides in the fact that I KNOW that she knows that what she is saying and doing is wrong and is for her own selfish reasons, yet she continues to play it off like she has a genuine concern for our daughter's best interests. She even went to far in her Answers as to say:

"I have another daughter from a previous relationship...At no time did the Applicant present himself as [her] dad. They do not have a father daughter relationship. She does not refer to him as her dad."

After living with them for two years (during which I cared for her daughter when I was laid off when she worked), and then continuing to be like a father to her daughter for several years after, I could fill this thread with pictures alone that would prove that statement blatantly untrue. I mean, my ex can say whatever she wants about me personally because I don't give two shits what she thinks of me. However it's the lies she says about me as a parent and the attacks she makes at me knowing the infinite things my family and I have done for both MY daughter and HERS because we love them both and consider her daughter like family too (recently she has circled the wagons around her daughter so we don't see her much anymore).

THAT is what hurts me more than anything .

[hld]

I understand what you are saying for my bf's ex is telling quite the lies herself, as well telling her 3 yr old daughter things as well, that should not be told to a young child,,,especially about the father. The mother doesnt care, she feels if she tells her daughter things about the father, the mother feels better. But in long run, it come back and bite her in the ass!!!

That is one thing i did not do to my child....for one day i feel he would have hated me for putting down his dad. Just because i had hard feelings toward his dad, doesnt mean the child has to suffer and possibly hate his dad....its his dad. he should love his dad no matter how i feel!

My bf loves his daughter very much, and he will do anything for her, including dealing with what the mother is doing, but we do not talk about the mother in front of the daughter its wrong! Hopefully one day the Ex will grow up!

[Generation "X" Dad]

I'm not sure if this is out of line or if I am able to, but I have attached an edited (names, addresses and case numbers omitted) version of my Temporary Order.

Anyone with experience who can look it over and give me their opinion it would be greatly appreciated. I am simply asking that this Order be made Final. I would like to have my daughter equal time but at the very minimum I feel that the conditions in the Order which I have been Status Quo for over a year now have worked out fine.

Again, this is why I do not understand why my ex is not agreeing to the Temporary Order. At the initial Case Conference, it was drawn up by HER duty counsel who represented HER at the Conference where the Order was made Temporary. I wasn't forced to sign it and I could have turned it down and walked away but I didn't have a lawyer and I just wanted something in writing to protect what I had at the time.

Then at our Case Settlement Conference in April she claimed "she was pressured into signing it" and has since not agreed to settle on the issues, which is why it is now going to a Trial Management Conference and ultimately Trial.

[hld]

What all does a case conference entail? is this where you show the judge proof of things, like you have been paying child support when the ex says you are not? can things be settled at this point? looking for some info on this!!

[sufferer]

When I was in the custody battleb my lawyer told me that in 99% of the cases Interim Orders almost match the final order.I personally experienced it too so I wonder what makes her think that she can change these.
I wish you best of luck.