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Am I being played for time?

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  • Am I being played for time?

    Hi all
    I'm back for more!
    Things have settled down a bit with ex and I but he still has made no move to settle. The only communication he has made with my lawyer was to send his form 13. My lawyer sent him a letter 2 months ago requesting that he go to mediation to which we got no response - she put no consequences on non-response which I now see was a mistake.
    So he has basically said that he wants the kids half the time but keeps saying he doesn't want them certain nights,calling me to get them at school on his nights, asking me to take them when he is out partying etc. Just generally not there for them when it looks like there might be "work" involved.
    So today he had them - (but again was calling me to pick them up) and during what was a pleasant phone call I mentioned one of the weeks in the summer I would like to have them (I have specific plans in mind) and asked if he had plans for them that week. He became angry on the phone and started claiming that he had missed weekends etc. and said he could not answer me on the phone. Bear in mind we have no agreement and the fact is this man has never been denied access in the short time we have been separated - quite the opposite, he has not exercised his access. I have documented and I knew this was a lie but let it go so as not to spoil the evening so I told him I would send an email about the dates so he could look at the calendar. He is a blatant liar (part of his bullying conversational style) and knowing where this leads I stopped it.
    So I picked up my daughter just to save him a drive and she called him from where we were to arrange when I would drop off. I talked to him briefly and he said, call me later.
    Dropped off daughter and went out to friend's, came back later and called.
    He starts asking me what the schedule is going to be and I said I could not tell him on the phone that second does he want to discuss it? He says no either you give me a schedule or I'm keeping these kids for a week. I said have you talked to your lawyer and he said no not about the schedule, but he'll be getting support. I asked him what happened with the mediation and he starts "the runaround" as I call it where he refuses to answer the question. I tell him he's not bullying me anymore and he says we are going to court if I don't come up with a 50/50 schedule for him by next week. I am used to him so I know where this is going - basically it goes nowhere until he gets what he wants.
    I have asked my lawyer to do a motion because he is like this and he is trying to stall 'til he gets his own way. I feel it would be better just to serve him and get him in a courtroom than deal with his nonsense- he doesn't want to settle until he has "worn me down" into letting him set the agenda and what he wants is to only get the kids when it's convenient for him but have it on paper that he has joint to get the support money. He is playing his own lawyer and trying to get me to run up my bill and he will likely not respond to anything except a summons. Am I way off base here? Should I go to court? This is how he was with his ex - he would bully and threaten, and she had to take him to court where he would cave right away. I just feel he is stalling to bully me and the kids into accepting his plans. What can I do if he doesn't let me see the kids? Can I call the police?

  • #2
    He threatened to keep the children and deny you access? Go to the courthouse tomorrow with an emergency motion for custody based on how much you have actually had the children since the separation, (that is great you have documented it), asking for the child support based on the access (if he is realistically having them less than 40% of the time than full table support). Be reasonable with your request and specify the week you want the children and give him equivilant time in the summer too. Having your lawyer write letters is a waste of your time and you need to start taking action instead of passively waiting for him to be reasonable.


    • #3
      Stop talking to him on the phone. Break all communications except via email or in the event of an emergency concerning the children. (Ie. the kid is gushing blood and en route to the hospital emergency).

      Arguing with him on the phone is meaningless, inflammatory and does you NO good. At least if he freaks out in an's admissible (phone calls are NOT)

      You need an emergency custody order ASAP. Kick your lawyer in the ass and get him in gear.


      • #4
        what i thought

        I hate dealing with lawyers but I guess I have to take control or do it myself.
        He is trying to use the summer holidays as a stick. Should I demand this (filing) from my lawyer? How long should it take to do the paperwork for the motion?
        Can I file an emergency for my holidays? and roll the custody and house issues into the motion?
        How should I deal with the holidays? I can send him an email but I don't think I should have to ask his permission. I am trying to be considerate giving him the dates but he is trying to twist this to make it seem that I need his permission. If I send an email giving him dates can he twist this to make it seem like he has custody?


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