spousal support to NCP

[gumby]

Can this be done?
My ex is hell bent on getting support (he refuses to work) and has gone so far as to tell me that he doesn't really want the kids 50% of the time, just "wants it on paper so I can go after you for support" (yup he actually said that). His family is rich and supports him but they don't want to so he wants to go after me for support.
I would rather take my kids most of the time and pay him spousal (and me receive no child support). He really cannot cope with looking after them, has never done it (he has never in 5 years even checked the kids' homework bags and had to call me to find out when school let out) and I would rather continue to shoulder the responsibility.
I would like him to see a lot of them, but he cannot cope with the school-and-sports stuff and has told me he will not bring them to their activities if he has 50/50. The kids want to be with him but my oldest is a little apprehensive as he will be asked to make the school lunches, wake dad up and babysit little sister at dads house.
If he doesn't intend on looking after the kids half the time, can't my lawyer offer the money? Please don't tell me he wants them half the time - I have been with him 20 years and seen him with his older child - he is not interested in having any kids full-time or half-time if there is no money involved and he has told me as such in plain language. He is just an angry man.

[dadtotheend]

I have sole custody and was paying my ex SS of $1,000/mth. She paid me the table amount of CS, which was $300, so I cut her a cheque for $700/mth.

As CS is not taxable, I got a tax deduction of $1,000/mth.

The SS terminated for good last month after 4 years, so she now owes me CS.

Work out an arrangement whereby you do the same thing. Mind you the SS for you is going to last a lot longer than 4 years. You should definitely do an offset with the CS.

[gumby]

Thanks very much dadtotheend. I'm glad I'm not the only one. My lawyer has gone kind of silent when I bring up the subject - I guess we have to tackle the custody issues first and it's kind of an unusual setup.
He will probably come into a big chunk of cash at some point (if he's not cut out of the will) . What do you mean by offset with the child support?
Does that mean you are not legally allowed to not get the child support? I don't care if I get it- I have supported my kids and always will.

[billiechic]

the kids are entitled to the CS. He is obligated to pay you CS, either in the offset amount (if he has them more than 40&#37, or full CS. If you agree to pay him SS, then the difference between what you pay him for SS and what he pays you for CS if considered an offset amount. It just saves from you both paying each other, only the difference changes hands.


However, there is a difference between refusing to work, and not being able to work. If he refuses to work you can have an income imputed on him. Especially if he is being supported either by family or an inheritance. He can't get away with not supporting his kids (or you having to pay lots of SS) just because he is not making a paycheque. If he is suppporting himself from other means then that needs to be considered.

[gumby]

Thanks billiechic
He will not pay CS - it would take me ages in court and major legal fees to prove he is getting money off his parents - he doesn't deposit it into his bank accounts - he's not that dumb. Cash money only with them.
I don't care to keep it in court or get money from him, I just want to settle, get us on a schedule and look after my kids. Besides I have been told you can't go after "gift" money by more than one lawyer.
They could impute income because he could work and they could base it on what he could earn but they couldn't impute it based on money from the relatives - as far as I know.

[NBDad]

Courts won't accept "0" as an income. If he's refusing to work, they could take into account his education/skills and input an income for him.

Depending on his skills/education, he would have to prove WHY he needs spousal support. If he's not able to properly care for the children, you could always raise that as an issue as well and have him given every other weekend or something.

How old are the children? It's not mentioned, but if they are older than 12, their wishes on which parent to live with would factor heavily into any decision from the court.

[blinkandimgone]

The amount would be based on his potential income if he were to get a job at his skill level. If he has an education and skills he would be assigned a higher amount. If they impute an income then it's irrelevant how much he is getting from his relatives.

Once an amount has been determined, the amount of child support will be decided based on the federal guidelines and he will be obligated to pay the child support. If the courts decide he's entitled to spousal support - (not sure he would be if he's just deciding not to work?) then the person who would be paying the higher amount (ie: Child Support $1200 minus Spousal Support $500 = $700 difference) would pay the difference to the other.

If you are sharing custody and he has the kids more than 40% of the time, then the amount of child support would change. They would look at how much you would pay based on your income, how much he would pay based on his and the higher paying person would pay the difference to the other.

[dadtotheend]

I don't care to keep it in court or get money from him, I just want to settle, get us on a schedule and look after my kids.

Well you can agree to that if you want.

If he won't pay and you want to push the matter, the court will make him. Especially if he is seeking SS.

[gumby]

Thank you all
This is very helpful
My lawyer is very efficient so I hope we will resolve this quickly. I never dreamed there was so much information to remember and sort out, and so much mental arithmetic to do when getting separated. Add all the emotional considerations and looking after your kids and I am a basket case right now. I'm trying to think outside the box and not get caught in the stereotypical mess.
think I will put on some music right now and forget it for a while...

[billiechic]

There is NO WAY a court will order SS and not CS. NO WAY! he has to take care of the kids before any court will even consider awarding him SS!!
I say wait for him to file for it in court. If you are willing to accept no CS, then there should be no way he can force you to pay him SS. Sit back...you are in the driver's seat here!

[dadtotheend]

There is NO WAY a court will order SS and not CS. NO WAY! he has to take care of the kids before any court will even consider awarding him SS!!
I say wait for him to file for it in court. If you are willing to accept no CS, then there should be no way he can force you to pay him SS. Sit back...you are in the driver's seat here!

Yes gal pal.