Matrimonial Home Question

[Angela06]

Hi all,

Question about the matrimonial home. My ex and I purchased a house together approx 7 years ago. When we split I stayed in the house because I really had no where else to go. It was a struggle to maintain financially (hard enough when it was two of us) so suggested to my ex I get a roomate to help offset the costs. He wouldn't hear of it, said I didn't have his permission and he'd take me to court. He also cited I'd have no control over whether the person would damage the house.

Well, it got to the point I just simply could not afford it anymore. That coupled with much pressure from him and his lawyer and my every move and visitor being watched while at the house by his friends who lived nearby, I moved out.

He moved back in and not even a week later he has two people living there, as roomates. I know they're paying him rent, and have also heard he's just going to tell the court he's helping out friends by letting them stay there. We are still in the process of negotiations with a CC coming up. So..... after this long story, is there anything I can do to have these people ordered out? What are my options?

[dadtotheend]

You got screwed. You had exclusive possession of the house for SEVEN years and he suckered you into believing that you weren't able to rent it out.

Move back in.

[Angela06]

Thanks for responding. Just to clarify, we bought the house 7 years ago, split almost a year ago and I had exclusive possession (although never really denied him use of the house) up until about 3 months ago.

I know I can go after a portion of the rent he's collecting but would prefer to get these people out of the house. There's got to be something I can do?!

[logicalvelocity]

Thanks for responding. Just to clarify, we bought the house 7 years ago, split almost a year ago and I had exclusive possession (although never really denied him use of the house) up until about 3 months ago.

I know I can go after a portion of the rent he's collecting but would prefer to get these people out of the house. There's got to be something I can do?!

If it was me...

Get the asset appraised and bring motion for sale or disposition with the courts...It could trigger negotiations of net equalization. The other side may buy or in the alternative seek order for immediate sale. Effectively the asset cannot be listed or sold unless the other side consents.

Further, Video tape the comings and goings of the now household. It's difficult to sell a home when its occupied with invitations of potential sabotage sale.

[standing on the sidelines]

Thanks for responding. Just to clarify, we bought the house 7 years ago, split almost a year ago and I had exclusive possession (although never really denied him use of the house) up until about 3 months ago.

I know I can go after a portion of the rent he's collecting but would prefer to get these people out of the house. There's got to be something I can do?!

well look at it this way, if you want a portion of the rent then you should be paying a portion of the mortgage. You would be looking at the house as a rental unit/investment property. Then you would have to claim it on your taxes etc.

Best option since it seems neither one of you can afford it, is to sell the house and have it done and over with.

I am not sure about what a poster said about video taping who comes and goes out of the house. The roomates would be having their privacy invaded if you did that so before you do (if you do) I would check out privacy laws etc.

[Angela06]

The house has been appraised, and I have been asking it be put on the market for several months. Ironically it's the other side that has filed a partition and sale application (Case Conf. coming up).

I like the idea that the roomates could potentially hamper a sale, given he wants to buy my share. I don't have a problem with that, but he's had months to inquire about a mortgage and hasn't done so, despite putting forth unreasonable offers. I want to be clear, I'm not trying to stick it to him, just trying to be fair (can you use that term in family law? lol) I just want it over with!!!
I have taken photographs of all the vehicles and have doumented dates and times they are seen parked there. In terms of "privacy laws", thank you because it could work both ways given my ex and his friends were constantly watching me making it uncomfortable for me to live there, part of the reason I knew, for my own sanity I had to get out!
Any other suggestions are welcomed

[Angela06]

I had the house appraised, and have wanted the house on the market for many months. Ironically his side just filed an application for vacant posession and sale. We have a case conference coming up.

My ex wants to buy my share, which I don't have a problem with, but his offers have been for next to nothing. That I have a problem with. I want to be clear, I'm not trying to stick it to him, but willing to fight for what I believe is fair. (can that term be used in family law?! lol) Anytime I've counter offered they reject unless I'm 100% in agreement for everything he's asking for. Long story.

I have taken photographs of the comings and goings and documented date and times I've seen the vehicles there. As for the privacy act concern, it goes both ways, my ex was constantly keeping tabs on me, what I was doing at the house, and who I had over. If it wasn't friends that told me they heard rumours from him directly, it was accusations and threats coming from his lawyer.

Thank you for the idea of the additional people potentially hampering the sale, I'm going to look into this.

Any further suggestions are welcomed

[Angela06]

....sorry, lost internet connection and it appeared response didn't go through, so re-wrote, apparently it did and now there's 2 posts

[representingself]

I am not sure about what a poster said about video taping who comes and goes out of the house. The roomates would be having their privacy invaded if you did that so before you do (if you do) I would check out privacy laws etc.

If you can trust anything on this site.... it is the posts by Logical Velocity!

[standing on the sidelines]

If you can trust anything on this site.... it is the posts by Logical Velocity!

true but it is a very slippery slope when privacy laws are the subject.

[blinkandimgone]

Well, it got to the point I just simply could not afford it anymore. That coupled with much pressure from him and his lawyer and my every move and visitor being watched while at the house by his friends who lived nearby, I moved out.

I have taken photographs of the comings and goings and documented date and times I've seen the vehicles there. As for the privacy act concern, it goes both ways, my ex was constantly keeping tabs on me, what I was doing at the house, and who I had over. If it wasn't friends that told me they heard rumours from him directly, it was accusations and threats coming from his lawyer.

I have a problem with this. You clearly don't like and think it's wrong to have him watching over what you do and who you entertain but yet you think it's ok when you do it. Invasion of privacy is invasion of privacy regardless if it's you keeping tabs on him or vice versa. Since when do two wrongs make a right?

Honestly, I would think that you would have far better things to occupy your time then to follow him around and watch what he's doing. If not, then you should find something that you enjoy doing and devote your energy to that. If he has nothing better to do then who cares.

IMO, the situation is stressfull enough without the two of you making it worse by spying on each other and creating more animosity.

I think the biggest mistake you made here was asking his permission to take on a room-mate and then letting him dictate what you can and can't do.

Consider how much you're spending on lawyers to go back and forth over this, lower your offer by that much since you'll be spending it on lawyers if you continue, cut your losses and free yourself of the situation.

I don't entirely buy the ' I'm not trying to stick it to him' bit when you've already demonstrated you think playing tit for tat with spying on him is ok. You also admit that for the last three months you have denied him use of what he rightfully owns as well. Stop concerning yourself so much with the rumours from your friends (what kind of friends behave that way anyways??) and focus on the bigger picture. You want out, then do something constructive to get out. Can the rumours and the spying and the eye for an eye nonsense and make some arrangements.

[logicalvelocity]

true but it is a very slippery slope when privacy laws are the subject.

Agreed.

However, no laws are broken by taken steps to protect ones asset which include videotaping the comings and goings of their jointly owned matrimonial home. The exception would be a restraining order.

Real estate agents come and go with potential buyers. Many use key boxes Sometimes very little notice is given. Can the significant other be counted on to clear out the house of the boarders at the last minute? Will the home be presentable to potential buyers? First impressions are last impressions.

All good questions, but I do know its easier to sell a vacant home than an occupied and definitely would close the door on sabotage.

Lastly, I suspect the home is zoned R1 residential and it is somewhat contrary to municipal laws to convert to a rooming house without going through the proper channels at city hall or equivalent but thats another issue all on its own.

As far as video taping in public, many city's have plenty of video cameras to keep an eye on things. Privacy - Big Brother is everywhere.

[Mess]

Not sure what municipality they are in, but in Toronto up to 4 unrelated people can live in one home (not subdivided into apartments) without a rooming house license. More than 4 and it is a rooming house with associated requirements like fire extinguishers and multiple exits etc.

Generally it's legal to take pictures in public (as long as not for profit, otherwise you need a release form), but regardless of whether the OP owns the home, the boarders are still lawful residents and they have the same rights as anyone renting an apartment, including right to privacy within the home, so watch out you aren't taking pictures into the windows. There could also be issues with accusations of stalking, and it could well be grounds for a restraining order.

[dadtotheend]

Thanks for the privacy and picture talk, but blink is right.

Everyone who's been down this road knows that focusing on spying, cameras and rooming houses is totally off the path to settlement. The only thing that thinking does is create drama, stress and expense.

Focus on dividing your property. Write the screenplay in the lounge after you've settled all the issues.

[Angela06]

Thanks for the suggestions. FYI, I'm not sitting outside the house watching constantly, but it's hard not to notice who's at the house I own when I have to drive by it to get to work. I'm certainly not lurking in the bushes or snapping pictures through the windows, I have much better things to do with my time.

I have been trying to settle, but my issue is that I still have an interest in the house as my ex likely won't be able to buy my share and it will have to go on the market. I worked hard to maintain it both inside and out not to have it potentially damaged or otherwise by some people living in it without my permission.

As for settling for a lesser offer, had done that, even though I can prove an interest in more. But then the other side pulled it because I didn't agree to ALL of their terms in regards to property. Sent a reasonable counter offer in an attempt to settle yet again, but everytime I try to negotiate they say "absolutely not, we're going to court". When I call their bluff, they send another offer and this vicious cycle continues.

Oh, and have dropped the lawyer and am self representing -- I have gotten much more accomplished without ending up in the poor house at the same time.