How do I phrase this?

[Heart-broken dad]

There are some facts and statements that I would like to get my ex to confirm. I believe that a Form 20 (Request for Information) is the one I need. Where it gets tricky is the way the questions are written down. For example, she has told me that her step-brother was abusive to her during her teenage years, how would I write this down in a way that she has no other choice but to either acknowledge or deny that this is true? Also, I gave her $15K to pay off her student loan back in the late-nineties, how could this be worded? I don't want her to find a flaw in the wording of the question, and use this as a way NOT to answer is, or answer it falsely.

There are a lot more questions I want her to answer, but these two questions are a good start.

[blinkandimgone]

"For example, she has told me that her step-brother was abusive to her during her teenage years,"

How and why would that be relevant in any way to your divorce proceedings?

[dadtotheend]

The question does appear to be irrelevant, except as a lead in to beating her down, which is contrary to the far more productive strategy of playing up your strengths.

You can make the wording airtight and she can still ignore it, which she probabaly will do.

[Heart-broken dad]

Taken out of context, it may seem irrelevent, but, she's accused me of so many awful things: abuse, for example, and the truth is that she was abused as a teenager, but never by me. I really want the truth to come out about this and a MILLION other things that she's told me.

My strength is my life, and the way I live it. I've moved on, remarried, and VERY happy now. Still, we don't have a visitation agreement, and I get to see the children when she feels like it. The children complain, but she doesn't listen.

What I'd like is to write up a list of questions that she would HAVE to answer. Is there anyway of getting this done?

[Mess]

Put her on the witness stand.

These things you are mentioning, you should just detail them in your application/response in such a way that they have a logical relevance to your case.

Like others have said, on the surface it doesn't seem relevant. You would want to use this as an answer to her accusations of abuse.

As far as requests for information, you seem to be asking for her medical records, psychological treatments, therapy etc? That's pretty heavy, I don't think we can advise you here.

[dinkyface]

Seriously, give it up. The judge will see it as irrelevant noise.

To put it tritely: Start fighting FOR your kids, not AGAINST your ex.

Come up with a DETAILED parenting plan that enables your kid(s) to enjoy both parents, and makes the most of what both parents have to offer, and present THAT to court.

If you like, you may present FACTS that illustrate how the current situation is not in the kids' best interests, and address these points in your plan.

[standing on the sidelines]

Taken out of context, it may seem irrelevent, but, she's accused me of so many awful things: abuse, for example, and the truth is that she was abused as a teenager, but never by me. I really want the truth to come out about this and a MILLION other things that she's told me.

My strength is my life, and the way I live it. I've moved on, remarried, and VERY happy now. Still, we don't have a visitation agreement, and I get to see the children when she feels like it. The children complain, but she doesn't listen.

What I'd like is to write up a list of questions that she would HAVE to answer. Is there anyway of getting this done?

You say you moved on but want an answer abut something that happened to her when she was younger. You want answers to things that she has told you. If you have moved on then it would not matter to you.

[Heart-broken dad]

Well, yes, I've moved on, but, she has created an image for herself in the past 20 years. I now strongly believe that most of what she told me she went through, were lies. Two of her friends, which she's know for 20 years, are also on my side. While we were together, I tried to support her, and get her the help she needed, believing at the time her stories were true. During that time, she would make negative comments, about me, to her friends and family. It was only once the relationship was over that her friends started talking with me, and things didn't add up. I know it will never happen, but I just wish she would come clean, and admit what's true and what's not.

[Mess]

That stuff doesn't mean anything to the judge, and the courts don't want to be your marriage counsellors. It will be deemed irrelevant and you will get nowhere.

You can't get a court order for someone to be a better person. Let it go. She isn't your spouse anymore. As long as you let her motivate your thoughts and feelings, she still has power and control over you. You have to get back to the point emotionally to where you never knew her, just let it all go. It's hard and it will take a long time, but that is the path you have to travel.

[logicalvelocity]

There are some facts and statements that I would like to get my ex to confirm. I believe that a Form 20 (Request for Information) is the one I need. Where it gets tricky is the way the questions are written down. For example, she has told me that her step-brother was abusive to her during her teenage years, how would I write this down in a way that she has no other choice but to either acknowledge or deny that this is true? Also, I gave her $15K to pay off her student loan back in the late-nineties, how could this be worded? I don't want her to find a flaw in the wording of the question, and use this as a way NOT to answer is, or answer it falsely.

There are a lot more questions I want her to answer, but these two questions are a good start.

If it was me...

I would go with Form 22: Request to Admit, Rule 22 of the Family Rules. The other side is oblidged to Respond within 20 days from Service. This tool is more effective at Trial and efforts to settle the matter. It's powerful.

Keep the question broad. Your trying to establish fact.

1.) Is it True that your step brother Mr. (NAME HERE), is abusive?



2.) Is it True that on or about (DATE) approximately 15k, was applied towards your O.S.A.P. obligation?

Which is lead for your next question:

3.) Is it True that you received approximately 15K from (NAME) on or about (DATE) which you applied towards your O.S.A.P obligation?


Close the door upfront -

Its not clear what established fact has to do with the prevailing issues. Care to clarify? Support, Custody, Access, Net equalization, Child Protection...to name a few.

You have to tie established fact to particular issue and apply relevant statue then jurisprudence...