Hello Everybody,
I’m new to this forum and to the separation/divorce world. Reading some of your correspondence, I must say I’m very glad that we live in an age when such websites are available.
My wife and I were married for 10 years. she started pushing for us to have a baby and went off the pill. She told me that she is getting older and want to have a baby of her own before it was too late (she was 32 years old), even though she never showed much interest in babies or affection towards them in the 10 years I was married to her. I love kids, so I agreed.
In May 2009, we had a beautiful baby girl and soon after that things started going wrong. My ex became more irritable and dissatisfied with our marriage. I thought (and also was told) that this is normal after child birth. However, her disgruntlement continued to intensify and we had to go to marriage counselling.
My ex’s parents became more involved in our life, and on numerous occasions trying to push me out of the picture. (Her parents have very little savings and are getting closer to retirement. They took one look at the situation and saw an opportunity, so they started encouraging her to leave me and come to live with them. By having my ex live with them they will have a care giver - free of charge - and benefit from the Child and Spousal support that she will be getting out of our divorce to share their expenses in retirement )
In Aug 2009, I lost my well paying job, and been of EI since and having a very hard time getting a job in my very slow industry.
She left in Nov 2009. 4 days after I received my last severance cheque from my ex-employer.
Our daughter was breastfeeding, so I couldn’t stop her from taking the baby with her.
Mediation didn’t go so well. We spent 3 months just convincing my ex to stop supervising my visits which she had no reasons for, as I am a good father.
It seems that we will be going to court where I will be asking for Shared Parenting 50/50 - The status quo was 2 visits a week (3 hours per visit) for the last 4 months, but the only reason I went along with this arrangement is because of our daughter was breastfeeding.
Questions:
1. Shared Parenting: I will tell the judge that I never agreed to the status quo in the medium to long term and now that my ex weaned our 11 month old off breast milk (to formula), I can’t think of one thing that she does in caring for our baby that I can’t do. What do you think of the chances of this argument succeeding and getting a favourable ruling on shared parenting? What do I do to improve my odds ?
2. Spousal & Mobility: My ex has a good job in the GTA, however, she wants to quit her job after mat leave (ends in May 2010) and stay with her parents (that live 2 hours away) to start a new life up north. This move will most likely cut her salary in half, that’s if she finds a job up there. This move will also make it very difficult for me to visit my daughter or manage a successful shared parenting arrangement. What do you think I should do to discourage her from making that move ? Should I sue her for Spousal Support based on her imputed income ?
3. Self Rep with means: Because both my wife and I had good jobs, we managed to save a bit of money. I’m planning to protect my share (around $100,000) by representing myself in court. The way I look at it, this money my daughter safety net which will guarantee her better living standard. I’m also living of my savings since EI doesn’t cover all my living expenses. Will the judge look unfavourably on a self rep. person with means ?
4. Awarding Court Costs: Does the fact that I have good amount of savings increase the likelihood of the judge awarding court costs to my wife and her sleazy lawyer, when losing motions?
5. Temp Advice: What parts of the court process you recommend I get a temporary legal advice for, seeing that I’m hoping to self rep most of it?
6. Ex's Lies: How do I defend myself when my ex lies about my behaviour or parenting skills in court? Somebody said that I should take a parenting course to show that I’m a proactive father and interested in providing my daughter with the best care possible.
Thank you very much in advance... Your help is much appreciated.
And to those who are having a hard time of it – My parents went through the great war and survived it due to their unwavering belief that the status quo is temporary, and one day, if they keep trying, things will change and life will be better.
Hang in there and remember, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
I’m new to this forum and to the separation/divorce world. Reading some of your correspondence, I must say I’m very glad that we live in an age when such websites are available.
My wife and I were married for 10 years. she started pushing for us to have a baby and went off the pill. She told me that she is getting older and want to have a baby of her own before it was too late (she was 32 years old), even though she never showed much interest in babies or affection towards them in the 10 years I was married to her. I love kids, so I agreed.
In May 2009, we had a beautiful baby girl and soon after that things started going wrong. My ex became more irritable and dissatisfied with our marriage. I thought (and also was told) that this is normal after child birth. However, her disgruntlement continued to intensify and we had to go to marriage counselling.
My ex’s parents became more involved in our life, and on numerous occasions trying to push me out of the picture. (Her parents have very little savings and are getting closer to retirement. They took one look at the situation and saw an opportunity, so they started encouraging her to leave me and come to live with them. By having my ex live with them they will have a care giver - free of charge - and benefit from the Child and Spousal support that she will be getting out of our divorce to share their expenses in retirement )
In Aug 2009, I lost my well paying job, and been of EI since and having a very hard time getting a job in my very slow industry.
She left in Nov 2009. 4 days after I received my last severance cheque from my ex-employer.
Our daughter was breastfeeding, so I couldn’t stop her from taking the baby with her.
Mediation didn’t go so well. We spent 3 months just convincing my ex to stop supervising my visits which she had no reasons for, as I am a good father.
It seems that we will be going to court where I will be asking for Shared Parenting 50/50 - The status quo was 2 visits a week (3 hours per visit) for the last 4 months, but the only reason I went along with this arrangement is because of our daughter was breastfeeding.
Questions:
1. Shared Parenting: I will tell the judge that I never agreed to the status quo in the medium to long term and now that my ex weaned our 11 month old off breast milk (to formula), I can’t think of one thing that she does in caring for our baby that I can’t do. What do you think of the chances of this argument succeeding and getting a favourable ruling on shared parenting? What do I do to improve my odds ?
2. Spousal & Mobility: My ex has a good job in the GTA, however, she wants to quit her job after mat leave (ends in May 2010) and stay with her parents (that live 2 hours away) to start a new life up north. This move will most likely cut her salary in half, that’s if she finds a job up there. This move will also make it very difficult for me to visit my daughter or manage a successful shared parenting arrangement. What do you think I should do to discourage her from making that move ? Should I sue her for Spousal Support based on her imputed income ?
3. Self Rep with means: Because both my wife and I had good jobs, we managed to save a bit of money. I’m planning to protect my share (around $100,000) by representing myself in court. The way I look at it, this money my daughter safety net which will guarantee her better living standard. I’m also living of my savings since EI doesn’t cover all my living expenses. Will the judge look unfavourably on a self rep. person with means ?
4. Awarding Court Costs: Does the fact that I have good amount of savings increase the likelihood of the judge awarding court costs to my wife and her sleazy lawyer, when losing motions?
5. Temp Advice: What parts of the court process you recommend I get a temporary legal advice for, seeing that I’m hoping to self rep most of it?
6. Ex's Lies: How do I defend myself when my ex lies about my behaviour or parenting skills in court? Somebody said that I should take a parenting course to show that I’m a proactive father and interested in providing my daughter with the best care possible.
Thank you very much in advance... Your help is much appreciated.
And to those who are having a hard time of it – My parents went through the great war and survived it due to their unwavering belief that the status quo is temporary, and one day, if they keep trying, things will change and life will be better.
Hang in there and remember, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
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