The grey area of spousal support

[quizer]

Hi too you all.Seen my lawyer yesterday for the first time since September 09.proceedings went on hold due to health issue of my son.
The big battle is going to be ss.I have read alot about ss on this form in books and on web sites.It seem that everything i have read must be lies or poor information as per my lawyer.I felt my ex had to prove entitelment for ss.
Here is a run down. Married 23yrs.2 kids 20 and 23. One in college, one became disabled after she left.He has applied for odsp.She quit her job of $32,000 (14 yrs service) moved out of town to live with her new boyfriend in his home.She,s been with him almost 2 years now.She works part time.Her lawyer says she will only make $18,000 this year.He wants to go off that wage, were going to go off the $32,000.
Anyway my layer says that her bf's income cannot be mixed in with hers to calculate ss.She also wants to use the ss guide lines to equalize the wages.She also said that if it went to court a judge wouldn,t care about my monthly net income verses my expenditures.
I said i read that a judge cannot put me into financial hardship to inforce ss payments.She said a judge dont care.Then you would have to sell your house and move into an appartment.( i own my house but will have a new morgage payment of about $650 a month to pay her equilization)
The ex will get $62,000 equilization,$40,000 rrsp,Half my company pension a value of $40,000 or monthly payments of$409.00 when i retire
The last thing my lawyer said was because we were married over 20 years i would have to pay ss for the rest of her natural life.Even if she remarrys or lives past the 3 years with her bf which would make them common law.
We pretty much have solved everthing but the ss.

I made a offer of no cs verses no ss. If they turn it down i think i'm going to deep six my lawyer and go it alone.
Why is everything i have read about ss fly in the face of my lawyer.She said she never had a case in 10 years that a judge never gave ss.
I was really stunned to hear that i basiclly have no say in ss.
I read that my ex has to move into her new independant financail future.AlsoThat i have to have the means to pay ss.Also that the objective of ss order is not to equalize the income of the two spouses and that in most cases ss was denied where there was a lengthy marriage and both spouses worked throught the marraige and the funds of the matrimonial house generated additional income.

If anyone can help me here with credible information i would appreciate it.I want to find out if i do take this to court if i'm just going to be fighting a losing battle.Then be forced to pay her legal costs.

[Mess]

Not knowing anything about your lawyer, in 10 years she may have been to court 10 times, and none of those times may have been like your case. I'm not saying she is wrong, and she is smarter and more experienced than either of us, but she is not flawless.

Get a second opinion.

Go to an experienced divorce specialist, stress that this is just a consultation and you are getting a second opinion. Have all your facts in a nutshell written out. What you put in your post here is fine, but break it down into paragraphs with 4-5 spaces between so that your lawyer can write notes on each topic. You also have an identical copy and write your own notes about what he says.

Have your list of questions and get your answers.

My totally amateur opinion, you don't say what your income is or how much discrepancy between your income and your ex's. You should absolutely go with the full-time income figure, not the part time, she has absolutely no business claiming spousal support on the basis of chosing to work part time. If your income is double or more than her $32,000 then I don't think you have much to argue with.

More amateur opinion, if you are paying CS then this gets priortity and SS would be based on your income minus CS. This is just plain how the math is done.

My further amateur opinion is that you look better to the judge if you step up and support your children. Is there any reason why they would not choose to live with you instead? Talk to them, this is not any longer a custody issue, it is up them not your ex or the courts, you can talk to them, they are adults. Don't badmouth your ex, but ask them if they want to live with you, the door is open. Meanwhile, don't contest CS.

[quizer]

My income is $49,000. MY son 22 lives with me and my 20 yr old daughter.She is in college.
My son is now appling for disablity due to having 2 major surgerys and a very rare dieses.He lost his job to his illness.

I wanted any money that may go to ss to go to his medical costs instead.Dont no if a judge would go for that.

How long do you think i would have to pay ss for? Doesn't she have to strive for self sufficentcy.

Why do they not mix her bf wage in with hers? She's living alot better than me.

If i loose in court would i have to pay all her costs?

[Mess]

If she is awarded SS then after that length of marriage it would be indefinate.

However with your income level, I can't conceive of her receiving spousal support even if you had no children.

Your children are living with you and still legal dependants (disability and school) and she should be paying child support.

She has a legal obligation to try to support herself. The ballpark is her known potential full time earnings of $32k, you earn $49k. Simple spousal support is intended to bring her to 40-45% of your income. That is, add 32 and 49, and 45% puts her at 36.45 so you might pay her 400 a month or so with a simple calculation. But also factor in any deductions, etc, it is after tax, and the children's expenses come first.

She was working through your marriage, or most of it, and had a job paying that much, she was not economically disadvantaged. Your incomes are comparable and she has no case.

No judge would put SS as a higher priority to supporting the children. For you to pay out SS would mean less money in the household to support the ill/disabled child and the child still in school.

I would say at most that she might have a case if you started earning more within a few years and the children are no longer in your direct care. So you are better off getting this settled now.

Honestly, if I were you I would make an offer of she pays CS because that is her obligation as a parent. And no SS because she is capable of earning double her current income and is intentionally underemployed.

I have no idea where your lawyer is coming from, perhaps there is more to the story or not. But there is nothing you say her to back up what your lawyer is saying, and I know for a fact my lawyer would tell her to shove it.

Get another opinion from a divorce specialist, and don't take any steps or have your lawyer do any further work in the meantime.

If you make her a reasonable offer first then she will have to pay your costs. You have to find out what a reasonable offer is, that means putting this through the Divorcemate software that a lawyer uses. You make sure you include all children's expenses. Talk to a divorce lawyer and get the proper numbers.

[dadtotheend]

Has she brought forth a claim for SS? If not, two years is a long time to wait. And with the kids still living with you and the small diff between your income and her $32K, I can't understand why your lawyer is telling you that.

I agree with Mess, get a second opinon.