Am I nuts to consider this?

[Human Way]

I have gone through the whole process of getting a case conference date. It is in May. I have paid for the lawyer fees and the ex has been served. Now the ex has a great idea, and wants to go to mediation. She seems very willing to work things out (ever since the court papers were served). She thinks we are not far off and if we tried it we would be much better off.

Now i'm really confused. I phones around and the quickest mediation is around three sessions. It is expensive as well. (not as much as lawyers, but I'm broke because of the lawyers) As well, I;m worried that we go through the process and in the end still never agree. And is it cool to cancel a case conference?

My head is spinning on how to go forward. And in the end what will best serve the whole idea of spending more time with my daughter.

thanks for your input.

HM

[danzuchy]

I have gone through the whole process of getting a case conference date. It is in May. I have paid for the lawyer fees and the ex has been served. Now the ex has a great idea, and wants to go to mediation. She seems very willing to work things out (ever since the court papers were served). She thinks we are not far off and if we tried it we would be much better off.

Now i'm really confused. I phones around and the quickest mediation is around three sessions. It is expensive as well. (not as much as lawyers, but I'm broke because of the lawyers) As well, I;m worried that we go through the process and in the end still never agree. And is it cool to cancel a case conference?

My head is spinning on how to go forward. And in the end what will best serve the whole idea of spending more time with my daughter.

thanks for your input.

HM

This may sound cold but I wouldn't do it. Does she know you lack funds? It can be a ploy to deplete you. Push for a fast settlement conference, make a seperation agreement and get it done quickly in the courts.

If you waste your time in mediation and then she turns around and tells you No, you will need to go to court. Will you have the money? At the start every one is 'oh well we can do it painlessly" until you refuse them 100% of teh house or the cars or complete control over your life and kids etc.

[Mess]

The case conf is pushing her to want to settle. If you cancel the conference she will just stall again. My ex is doing this right now.

The courts have mediation available, usually for free, and you ask for it, ready? At the case conference.

[billiechic]

DO NOT CANCEL THE CC!! You have to keep pushing towards resolution at all times or you will be dealing with this for YEARS! Mediation is fine, but tell her that you will not cancel the CC until you have a signed Separation Agreement in hand.

Court is your backup when negotations and mediation fail. If you cancel the date now you might regret it later.

[Human Way]

I have one month till the CC. I could try to get three or four sessions of mediation in while keeping the CC date. It seems like a bad idea to steer off the course I have laid out. But if I can keep her motivated to talk and move forward maybe it is not a bad strategy. I'm not so excited to be paying more money for a mediator. If I wait till after the CC, and get a court appointed mediator then it is free?

[dadtotheend]

Listen to billie. Do some mediation but don't let the court action fall off the rails until you have something settled and signed.

I had a client just today that separated a year ago and they mediated. They had an agreement in principle 8 months ago, but the wife is dragging her ass and they STILL haven't signed. Believe me, keep the court moving towards trial until you are signed or you will regret it.

[billiechic]

I have verbal agreement on virtually everything, have had it for over 6 months. But until he signs something (and he refuses) we are still going to trial. I can't prove that he agreed to anything, except by his actions. He keeps changing his mind, lies to the court (whether intentionally or not I don't know). Remember: Actions speak louder than words.

Get something signed and if it is ready by your CC you can submit it to the court and ask to make it an order. That way you use both mediation and the court to bring about the quickest resolution.

[Human Way]

does anyone know how much time you need to give the court notice to cancel a Case conference? Not that im going to until I get a signed agreement. I just dont want to leave it too late or get myself into a jam.

[Mess]

We rescheduled our CC on a Friday, the conference would have been the following Monday.

This was the first week of March, the next available date was in May. I'd suggest you do something like that, if you just cancel and leave everything in limbo, and your mediation doesn't pan out, then you will wait another 3 months for a court date.

Reschedule and you'll have a couple of months to try out your mediation.

I'll also suggest once more, go to the Case Conference and request court mediation, it's free. Then the judge will resched after the mediation sessions.

[Human Way]

Thanks for your input. I will see if the ex will go for actually going for the CC, and seeing if we can get mediation from them for free.

Is there anything wrong with canceling a case conference, lets say one week before it happens? If two people can come to an agreement, wouldn't that be encouraged? Are their repercussions for canceling?

thanks for the input.

hm

[tugofwar]

I agree with everyone, go to the 1st case conference at least. Have you tried to send her a offer to settle? ( one that she won't totally go for) and set the time line a few weeks before the case conference.

[Mess]

Here is the thing, if you actually settle, if the agreement is drawn up and 4 copies are signed and you register it with the court, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with cancelling the conference, and in fact I have heard that this happens in the hallway 5 minutes before the conference is due to start and the judge is so pleased.

If you are just talking about settling, if you have some verbal agreement that everything is agreeable, then this is the crap my ex just pulled, she said she would sign Thursday night, Friday we rescheduled the conference, and now we haven't heard from them in 2 weeks.

I am kicking myself for rescheduling the conference, this could all be over by now. Instead she is still playing games.

So enough about me, the thing is for you, there is nothing to gain, nothing at all, by cancelling the conference. You think, ok I save a few hundred dollars paying my lawyer to sit in the hallway with me, but that few hundred is what's going to keep the process moving. (You get court ordered mediation and you will get that few hundred back in free mediation too.) Boith you and your ex need to hear what the judge has to say, and you will both have a clearer idea of what is reasonable. That is half the mediation right there.

[tugofwar]

I am kicking myself for rescheduling the conference, this could all be over by now. Instead she is still playing games.

This is what I don't get Mess, you should have went to the cc if you know your ex was like that and things weren't able to be settled before then.

Alittle disappointed... you offer such great advise.

[Mess]

It is always easy to seem like a genius when you are on the outside looking in.

Also, I really like my current lawyer, but I think she was a bit overconfident. To be fair, the other lawyer said everything was approved by my ex, it is my ex who just decided to do nothing.

[tugofwar]

It is always easy to seem like a genius when you are on the outside looking in.

Also, I really like my current lawyer, but I think she was a bit overconfident. To be fair, the other lawyer said everything was approved by my ex, it is my ex who just decided to do nothing.

You should know your ex the best